How do I not let an age gap bother me?

You're at different places in your lives. It's no great surprise why you feel weird.

If the relationship is good, and both of you are getting something out of it, why do you care if it is weird?

The only real issue I see you mention is that dating her makes you feel old. That doesn't seem like a huge issue to me.

Jespah mentions being in different stages of life. I am not even sure that is true without knowing more about your lives. There are 36 year olds in college and 21 year olds running businesses. Even if this is true, I dont see why it would matter.

The real question is what you want from this relationship. If one of you is looking for marriage and kids and the other one is looking to just have a fun relationship then there may be an issue.

But if you have a good relationship, your meeting each other's needs, and you both want the same thing from the relationship, then what's the big deal.

If the relationship is working keep it. Finding someone isn't always easy and there's enough to worry about in life already. If you've got something good going stop worrying and just enjoy it.

Oh okay thanks. Well it's just she came into my life at a possibly strange time, since I was going through a midlife crisis in a sense, so that makes me feel even more old to be dating her while going through this.

However, it's just I hardly ever see couples who have wide age gaps and it's unusual, so if it's not a bit deal, then how come you do not see it more often?

My question is; If you have a good relationship that make you happy, then what's the problem?

Let's say it is all of the above... "unusual", "strange" and a "big deal".

What is wrong with being unusual or strange? Some of my favorite people (and the happiest people I know) are quite unsual and strange and would see it as a compliment that I said so.

If you have a good relationship with her. If you are both happy... who cares?

To me, the fact that it is weird is a reason that you should do it. People are stuck in normal marriages and relationships all of the time, and many of then are miserable.

Be weird.

Oh well I probably just think it's weird because it makes me feel old and the idea of feeling old is just kind of depressing, but perhaps that's my issue to work on?

Also, is it weird in the sense that if it were to work out that bringing home a woman that is 15 years younger to meet the parents would be weird or awkward, and thus awkard on her end as well, when it comes to meeting hers?

You are making me chuckle. From where I sit, 36 is not old. You aren't even middle aged yet.

Again... you have to ask yourself what you want from this relationship.

- Are you really thinking about marrying this woman?
- Is this something more casual?
- Do you know what she is looking for (is she planning for this relationship to end in marriage)?

I think that is the more important question. What do you want from this relationship?

If what you are looking for in a relationship is a woman who will meet your parents approval, then you should probably get your parent's permission before continuing this relationship.

In my opinion, walking away from a good relationship because of what other people think is idiotic.

You should also separate your feelings about aging from this relationship. In the relationship, the only thing that matter is that you and she make each other happy.

Oh okay thanks for the input! I am looking for a serious relationship and looking for the long haul for sure. She said she is in for the same.

I also didn't think 36 was old, but next to her I feel it's old in comparison, unless it's just me.

But if the age gap is no big deal, how come you rarely see larger age gap couples? Is it weird in the sense that not many people seem to be doing it, and thus feels weird because it's less common?

I don't see the problem with being unusual. The fact that no one else is doing it is a good thing.

There are lots of NFL quarterbacks, only one of them has won 7 superbowls. You know his name because he did something no one else has done.

Be weird!

It is good that you are talking about the future and what you both want from the relationship. That is healthy in any relationship.

Remember that as you get older, the age difference will be less and less. When you are 64 and she is 50, no one will bat an eyelid.

No - as you age the gap will get bigger!

Think about when she’s 40. She will be at her sexual prime. Will that be an issue for you?

When she’s 60 you may need new hips or knees. She’s going to want to travel. Will that be an issue for you?

Unfortunately the women in your age category who are available are either divorced with children or so set in their ways now that they really don’t want marriage.

Is there some reason why you are not having relationships with women in their 30s?

Right now she’s a little kitten. Will you be able to handle a mature tigress?

What are you talking about? A woman's reproductive system shuts itself down at around 50. This is the reason that many men in their 60s start looking for women in their early 40s (or younger if they have the financial means). Only people over the age of 60 consider 40 as being their sexual prime... and they only think that because they are too old to remember being 25.

I plan to be travelling well into my 70s. That's what the new knees and hips are for.

You are making this awfully crass (and I have never backed away from crass).

The real issue is whether this is a relationship that will make both of them happy in the short term. Who knows what the future will be.

Life is for living! There will always be judgemental people. Ignore them... it is a little ironic they are telling other people how to live when their own lives are so sad.

This is from data collected by a dating site (which happens to have lots of data on who is attractive to whom). Women's attractiveness peaks at around 20. Men's attractivess peaks 7 or 8 years later.

The data suggest that women are open to partners older than they are. Men want a partner either similar in age or much younger.

A little math lesson

10 - 20 There is a 50% difference (from the perspective of the older)
20 - 30 There is a 33% difference
30 - 40 There is a 25 % difference
50 - 60 There is a 16% difference.
190-200 There is a 5% difference.
100000 - 100010 there is practically no difference.

As the ages get higher, the difference between them gets less and less significant.

This mathamatical principle doesn't just apply to ages. If the cashier charges me $2.00 for a can of soda that costs $1.50... I am going to fight for that $0.50. If I look down at the invoice for my new car and see $18,000.75 when I was expecting to see $18,000.25. I wouldn't even say anything.

"No - as you age the gap will get bigger!

Think about when she’s 40. She will be at her sexual prime. Will that be an issue for you?

When she’s 60 you may need new hips or knees. She’s going to want to travel. Will that be an issue for you?

Unfortunately the women in your age category who are available are either divorced with children or so set in their ways now that they really don’t want marriage.

Is there some reason why you are not having relationships with women in their 30s?

Right now she’s a little kitten. Will you be able to handle a mature tigress?"

Sorry I am just trying to understand. You are saying that when women are 40 they are at their horniest so to speak, and the most sexually demanding at that age?

And yes, a lot of women my age do have kids already I've noticed.

I think Punkey has a political objection to older men with younger women. You shouldn't expect them to make sense. Older men with younger women is the norm in many cultures, and it makes biological sense. With the advent of feminism, they are trying to make this taboo for ideological reasons.

None of this should apply to your situation. You should do what makes you (and her) happy. If the relationship is good, forget the haters. Just go with what works.

1. Do you feel comfortable when the two of you are alone in private with no one else around?

2. I ask that specific question because you might have the issues you are describing only when you are out in public or around other people.

Why do you make this assertion?

Who to make sense? Women? Older women? Anybody but a mansplainer?



That's true enough. A lot of those are and were arranged marriages where the young lady doesn't and didn't have a say.



What? LMAO. Please explain - or should I say 'mansplain' - this to me.

None of this should apply to your situation. You should do what makes you (and her) happy. If the relationship is good, forget the haters. Just go with what works.
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Other than the 'forget the haters' bit, I agree with this. Surprise!

I am a man. I am talking to another man. Until you came here, I believe all of us are men (I am not sure about Punkey).

Do I have to mansplain to you what 'mansplaining' means? (because you seem to be missing something on the concept).