Suggestions for old guys…

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…on cold mornings.

Yeah, the morning walks should not be discontinued. They can be quite bracing…and I, personally, would not give them up for anything. (Well, maybe not “anything.”)

Anyway…when the walk is over and you come back inside and the need to take a whizz comes on you as it almost surely will…

…best to first take your dick out BEFORE making the final decision to pee. If you make the decision first…and then have to fumble through the extra clothing cold mornings necessitate…you may end up with a warm stream of piss working its way down your leg long before the search and excavation occurs.

I’m not going to go into detail about how I came about this bit of knowledge, but it is advice you ought seriously to consider if you are north of 70.

Wow, sure is chilly here in New Jersey this morning.

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@Frank Apisa,

Thank you for this advice, Frank.

Try sitting in a tree stand for hours on an icy wet November morning with coveralls and four layers of clothing...you have to climb down about ten minutes before you can't hold it any longer, walk maybe fifty feet away, remove your gloves, and then start trying to locate all the buttons, snaps, and zippers while your fingers are too cold to even grasp a zipper or manipulate a button though a button hole. And then piss into a milk jug. I imagine the deer find it uproariously funny.

Now here's a related story. [I'd advise overly-fastidious people to read no further.] Offshore scallop season is open during the coldest months of the winter. The drags are hauled up an over the stern of the boat and dumped out on the work platform, then they have to be shelled and the scallop muscles removed and thrown into boxes. There's water, mud, and sea scum everywhere and it's cold. The deck hands usually have on a pair of hip boots, and a full set of "oil skins", heavy rubberized overalls and a jacket. Urinating is challenging — stripping off the oil skins (they don't have a fly) isn't practical so the accepted technique is to work your dick free from your trousers and simply piss between the layer of your oilskins and your hip boot. Occasionally cold temperatures combined with great haste result in a misfire — it's not unknown to piss right into your boot.

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@Frank Apisa,

I pee before leaving for my walk.... in the hope that will delay the need until I am ready to take off my extra layers.

I am wondering, could this post have saved Jeffrey Toobin a bunch of problems?

0 Replies

@Frank Apisa,

when Im in the deep woods up north and am stalking my gas wells, Ialways don a set of adult diapers. I can make about 2 miles on foot and the whole thing is quite absorbent. When I rech a safer area I doff the whole thing (Yes I hqve to lower my drawers and un- velcro. I stuff the used diaper into a plstic sack and carry it in a service pack till I hit a dumpster at the pads.

I cant be messing with getting unable to reach my pistola if I know bears are not denned up this late.
At all the bigger pads we hve job johnneys and dumpsters but you may not hit one of the big drilling pads less than 5 mi apart.. and often a bear will climb the fences and spend a few days IN a dumpster. Thats a surprise . Usually you throw rocks at the dumpster to startle em and if you see the dumpster "rockin" you dont go a "Knockin"
Bears have been very active this year. We had more than 5 bear incidents on techs during the spring when cubs just act stupid and are curious of everything or whenever a big boar is just getting his erly season meals. Summer isnt too bd but you cant see em in all the low cover.

1 Reply

@farmerman,

farmerman wrote:

when Im in the deep woods up north and am stalking my gas wells, Ialways don a set of adult diapers. I can make about 2 miles on foot and the whole thing is quite absorbent. When I rech a safer area I doff the whole thing (Yes I hqve to lower my drawers and un- velcro. I stuff the used diaper into a plstic sack and carry it in a service pack till I hit a dumpster at the pads.

I cant be messing with getting unable to reach my pistola if I know bears are not denned up this late.
At all the bigger pads we hve job johnneys and dumpsters but you may not hit one of the big drilling pads less than 5 mi apart.. and often a bear will climb the fences and spend a few days IN a dumpster. Thats a surprise . Usually you throw rocks at the dumpster to startle em and if you see the dumpster "rockin" you dont go a "Knockin"
Bears have been very active this year. We had more than 5 bear incidents on techs during the spring when cubs just act stupid and are curious of everything or whenever a big boar is just getting his erly season meals. Summer isnt too bd but you cant see em in all the low cover.

I stay out of the woods. Mosquitos and gnats absolutely adore me. I do not want to find out that bears do, too.

1 Reply

@hightor,

Oh, loved the story about pissing in the boot, Hightor.

The next person who pisses in his own boot will not be the first to do it...and for certain will not be the last.

Kinda reminds me of the Texas insult: "He's so dumb he couldn't figure out how to empty piss from a boot if the instructions were written on its sole."

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@Frank Apisa,

Heres a family group of blackies that wre trying to empty a dumpster and have a picnic. I believe this was taken by the Pa DNR fotographer who accompanied our fild trip a day later. W stopped near here at a park and had our lunches. The bears werent around then but nobody wandered out of the main group of 50.
"I dont have ta run faster than the bear, I only have ta run faster than you"

(Our motto)

https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th/id/OIP.rif51Fly3Cv1dXsfvqiOlAHaEK?w=321&h=180&c=7&o=5&dpr=1.5&pid=1.7

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If you drive one of these late model cars, you know, the kind that thinks it's smarter than you, turn on the turn signals as soon as you get on the road. That way, the whiny little bitch won't start bleating at you when you wander across the white line.

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@farmerman,

Is it true, farmerman, that attempting to hug one of her cubs is a good way to defuse a confrontation with a sow bear? Wink

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@hightor,

hahahahaahhahahahahaha

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@hightor,

definitely. Mama bears are so proud of their bearlings that all they want to do is "SHARE", and when they start clicking their teeth together , thats their way of letting you know theyll be right over to show you how.

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@hightor,

Quote:

And then piss into a milk jug.

Just don't make the mistake of placing that partially filled jug back into the refrigerator.

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@hightor,

Well, I never thought I’d say it all seems easier for women.

We just have to pull the whole shemozzle down, not extricate tubes from buttons and zips and thread needles and all

1 Reply

@farmerman,

I can’t figure out why you people think Australia is dangerous!

1 Reply

@Borat Sister,

Thanks for the tip, Borat Sister, I think I'll try wearing a heavy wool skirt next time I'm out in the field.

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@Borat Sister,

I am just paraphrasing Bill Bryson who wrote that
"Everything in Australia will kill ya before you get to the hospital, or will leave you like a large vegetable for life"

And I dint even read about your drop bears

0 Replies

@farmerman,

farmerman wrote:

Heres a family group of blackies that wre trying to empty a dumpster and have a picnic. I believe this was taken by the Pa DNR fotographer who accompanied our fild trip a day later. W stopped near here at a park and had our lunches. The bears werent around then but nobody wandered out of the main group of 50.
"I dont have ta run faster than the bear, I only have ta run faster than you"

(Our motto)

Holy moly!

I'd **** my pants looking at them from INSIDE my car.

Do they scatter if you blow the horn...or do they get defiant?

1 Reply

@Frank Apisa,

you dont want to scare them . Because the cubs ll run up trees and then the mama wont let you onto the trail to the picnic areas. The dumpsters are alwys at the front entries (This one is all fucked up because the bears trash em.

You have a bunch over there in Jersey. I was up to the M&M plant and coming up from Washington along th rivr, we saw maybe 5 or 6 big bears.

In PA the insurance companies wont write any bear damage policies(Its getting too common and people were using bear damage for summer home maintenance costs) Bears love

1SNICKERS

2 DONUTS

3 PNUT BUTTER

4SCREEN DOORS

5 SUVs

1 Reply

@farmerman,

So it sounds like all I need is bag of snickers.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

So it sounds like all I need is bag of snickers.

Better if you have a friend along with you carrying a bag of snickers.

1 Reply

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