Feeling down :-(

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Hi guys

My son and I had a BBQ for people at work and between the two of us, we invited 21 people. there were 5 people who weren't sure if they could make it, which was no problem because the rest said they were coming for sure. I even talked with everyone our last day before vacation to make sure they were coming and to give them directions and everyone told me "again" that they would be here.
So I go out and get enough food to feed 25 people and I spent the week cleaning and preparing for our BBQ.
BBQ rolls around and a mere 5 people show up and I didn't get one single phone call from anyone else telling me they wouldn't be coming.
I am forever grateful to the people who did come and in spite of it all, we had a good time and made the best of it. Three people stayed the night and after they left the next afternoon (yesterday), I broke down in tears. I was and still am so hurt that all these people simply blew us off like we weren't even worth a 2 minute phone call to let us know they weren't coming.
I gave everyone both my phone #s, so there's no excuse for such rudeness. At least I think it was rude!

Am I wrong for being so upset?

I know if it were any one of my A2K family that said they were coming, you would most certainly let me know you couldn't make it ;-)

You guys are my true friends, along with the 5 people who did show up to our BBQ :-D Cool

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awww..sweetie-you're not wrong to be upset but I don't think it's a reflection on your lack of friends. It's especially difficult to build a socializing circle when you're busy with LIFE. Freeze the extras...and plan another one.

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Thank you Panzade :-) I went through a lot of trouble to plan this one and if I do this again, it won't be until next summer. I've had enough disappointment for one years, as far as BBQ's go.
I don't have many friends here yet and there aren't many people I could advite.

Oh well, in time.

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Panzade wrote:

Freeze the extras...and plan another one.

Yeah, but don't invite the same people. I would be very angry if people promised to show up but then didn't.

Just to cover yourself, next time, make a point to tell your guests that if they can't come the last minute, that you expect a call.

I know sweetie, it's a bummer. But it has nothing really to do with you personally.

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Phoenix
Oh, no doubt I already thought it out for the next time around and those who didn't show, won't be invited again and I did make it pretty clear that I needed to know how many people were coming, since I needed to buy enough food. I figured they were smart enough to figure out why it was important for me to know, but I guess I really need to spell it out!

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I talk to them all a few times and they all said they were coming for sure. This is what kills me!

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Most people are jerks, Montana, and don't have the sense of a pig. I'm sorry you were disappointed. Would it have been any better if you'd received twenty phone calls from the no-shows in the half-hour before the party? Are these people that you're going to be seeing when you go back to work? Arggghhh. You must plan what you can say to them so that you won't feel even worse. Possibly the best thing to say is nothing at all.

Stupid as it sounds, because most people are such jerks, I've noticed that the hostesses of the new millennium make it a point to call the day of the party to get a real feeling of whether or not they're coming. It saves some heartache.

Just be glad that the five people were there and wipe away those tears. (((Hugs))) Also, your house is totally clean now and you've got piles of food in the frig. You may not have to cook for a week!

If you'd have invited me, I'd have come and brought a carload. Wink

You would have had to kick us out!!!

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Montana
Montana, since the no show clods have already demonstrated that they don't value your friendship, the following might teach them some manners that their parents didn't teach them. Send each no show the following:

To No Show, I spent many hours planning my BBQ, making my home inviting, and buying enough food for the 25 people who assurred me they would attend. Being new to this area, I was so excited about the 25 people I invited getting together.

We missed you and are sorry that your telephone must have been out of order since you didn't call me to say you had changed your mind and weren't comming.

The five people who actually showed up had a good time. They helped me distribute the food for 25 people to others who could use it before it spoiled.

I hope you had a good time wherever you were during my BBQ to which you were invited.

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Piffka wrote:

Most people are jerks, Montana, and don't have the sense of a pig. I'm sorry you were disappointed. Would it have been any better if you'd received twenty phone calls from the no-shows in the half-hour before the party? Are these people that you're going to be seeing when you go back to work? Arggghhh. You must plan what you can say to them so that you won't feel even worse. Possibly the best thing to say is nothing at all.

Stupid as it sounds, because most people are such jerks, I've noticed that the hostesses of the new millennium make it a point to call the day of the party to get a real feeling of whether or not they're coming. It saves some heartache.

Just be glad that the five people were there and wipe away those tears. (((Hugs))) Also, your house is totally clean now and you've got piles of food in the frig. You may not have to cook for a week!

If you'd have invited me, I'd have come and brought a carload. You would have had to kick us out!!!

Yes, it's all people from work and it's going to be tough going back and seeing them. I agree that the best thing to do is say nothing. In fact, I planned on telling everyone how good of a time we had and how they really missed out.
Including myself and my son, we had 7 people and we really did have a great time, so I won't be lying.
I did call everyone the day of the party, but no one was home <go figure>!

It is nice that the house looks very nice, though :-)

I know you would have come and I'd surely have welcomed the car load, but I assure you that I would never kick you out. 3 of the people slept here and we were up until 7am yesterday morning ;-)

You're very sweet, Piffka! Thank you for the needed smile :-D

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Re: Montana

BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:

Montana, since the no show clods have already demonstrated that they don't value your friendship, the following might teach them some manners that their parents didn't teach them. Send each no show the following:

To No Show, I spent many hours planning my BBQ, making my home inviting, and buying enough food for the 25 people who assurred me they would attend. Being new to this area, I was so excited about the 25 people I invited getting together.

We missed you and are sorry that your telephone must have been out of order since you didn't call me to say you had changed your mind and weren't comming.

The five people who actually showed up had a good time. They helped me distribute the food for 25 people to others who could use it before it spoiled.

I hope you had a good time wherever you were during my BBQ to which you were invited.

Heehee!!! As tempting as that is, it's just not something I'd do. I don't want to make waves with people over this and I'm taking it as a lesson learned.

Thanks anyway, BBB :-) You made me smile as well :-D

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People can be inconsiderate without truly realizing that they're being inconsiderate. The ones who failed to show up should have called, but nowadays, people are very nonchalant about social engagements. Very few people are racing out to buy Emily Post books.

I think the inconsideration is more of a reflection of our modern "me-me" society . . . even though it feels like a slap in the face . . . I just don't think the no-shows were THINKING. We need a revival in social manners.

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Montana--

Your no-shows all found something "better" to do at the last minute.

Being mad is better than being sad. Being wiser is better than either. Evidently your co-workers are pleasant people on the job, but in their private lives they lack both cooth and consideration.

At least you didn't rent a tent and hire a band.

One of the distressing aspects of middle age is that you're still prone to unpleasant learning experiences.

Hold your dominion--on the high ground.

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Debra
Makes sense to me. I won't be holding any grudges, but I'll still be licking my wounds for a little bit longer.

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Thank you, Noddy! I appreciate that :-)

See, you guys are making me feel better already :-D

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Montana wrote:

I planned on telling everyone how good of a time we had and how they really missed out.
Including myself and my son, we had 7 people and we really did have a great time, so I won't be lying.

Atta girl -- they really did miss out! It'll be interesting to hear what they have to say. (Please share and we'll poke holes in their excuses!) I have to admit I prefer small parties like that anyway.

I want you to know that your dilemma has made me change my mind about something. We were invited to a party at the end of this month and I've been trying to figure out how to get out of it. I like the people who are throwing the party a lot but they said they've invited 150 guests. Yuck. That's not a party, that's a crush as far as I'm concerned and totally unappealing to me. Because of what you've said though, Montana, I have had a change of heart and will at least make an appearance. Maybe 140 of the guests won't show up and then I'll be willing to stay for the evening!

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Piffka
I also prefer smaller parties, which is why I basically kept my list to 20 people.
Yeah, 150 people is a huge party and I am the same in not being crazy about going to parties that big, but they can be very fun too, once you get there.
I've gone to several parties that I wasn't thrilled about going too, but I ended up happy that I went because I had a great time.

It isn't so much the fact that they didn't come that bothers me so much, as it is that they didn't let me know they weren't coming.

I'll let you know about all the excuses I get and we'll run with them, lol :-D

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Montana - thanks for posting this thread.

I have never in my life had a party in my home because of the terror that no one would show up. Or that 1 or 2 would show up and feel sorry for me.

The max as far as company is usually about 3 people.

When I have introduced people I know to each other, it's always been a one on one.

Actually - I don't even know 25 people well enough to consider asking.

Really stupid question everyone, but what is the criteria of knowing someone well enough to invite them to a gathering?
I honestly don't know.

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Ditto here, chai tea. I get claustrophbic in large crowds and get to the point of feeling LET ME OUT OF HERE. Small groups where conversation isn't sound bytes is the only socializing I do.

Montana, those people were unbelievable jerks. Debra is right, more attention to common courtesy is needed (desperately), not even formal manners, just the courtesy to think of others once in a while.

You are such a sweetie, everyone here truly cares about you. I guess what is needed is an a2k get together up your way. That way you'd have a bunch of crazy, but very nice people to socialize with.

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Chai
That's a good question and I wish I knew the answer.

I use to have parties with mega people when I lived in the states and my problem was reversed there, because more people would show than I expected and I would worry about having enough food. I always had enough and was glad to have the extra folks. After all, the more the merrier :-)

So, this time around, I was also thinking about having enough food and fully expected most everyone to show up, so it was a bit of a blow when they didn't.

sigh!

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Diane wrote:

Ditto here, chai tea. I get claustrophbic in large crowds and get to the point of feeling LET ME OUT OF HERE. Small groups where conversation isn't sound bytes is the only socializing I do.

Montana, those people were unbelievable jerks. Debra is right, more attention to common courtesy is needed (desperately), not even formal manners, just the courtesy to think of others once in a while.

You are such a sweetie, everyone here truly cares about you. I guess what is needed is an a2k get together up your way. That way you'd have a bunch of crazy, but very nice people to socialize with.

You are so right and so very sweet, Diane :-) I may not go to every party I'm invited too, but I always let them know if I'm coming or not. Yes, common courtesy is something I always thought was important and I never dreamed that so many people out there didn't feel the same way.
Kinda make me feel like a half decent person.

Oh man, Piffka! I would truly and utterly be out of my mind with joy if some of you came up this way. I want to try another BBQ next summer and if some of you were actually interested in coming up, I'd make it an A2K BBQ and I'd be overwhelmed with happiness!!!!! I simply couldn't think of anyone I'd rather spend time with than you guys :-D

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