Chai Tea wrote:Montana - thanks for posting this thread.
I have never in my life had a party in my home because of the terror that no one would show up. Or that 1 or 2 would show up and feel sorry for me.
The max as far as company is usually about 3 people.
When I have introduced people I know to each other, it's always been a one on one.
Actually - I don't even know 25 people well enough to consider asking.
Really stupid question everyone, but what is the criteria of knowing someone well enough to invite them to a gathering?
I honestly don't know.
Chai - I think that inviting people to this sort of affair is a great way of getting to know them. Inviting lots means, generally, that it is a fairly casual invite - though Montana's was clearly a more formally arranged affair. The "casual invite" is a fabulous way of establishing new friendships gradually. Generally, people feel able to come or not - so it is a no pressure thing - and it is at a low level of intimacy, so it feels easy and relaxed if people are not quite sure yet how intimate they want to be with you.
I have a friend with more friends than she knows what to do with - she is often the one who introduces new people to our group. She does a lot of the casual invite things (or did - she is too busy now) - and does it a few times, so if people consistently do not attend she knows they do not want to become involved with her socially. However, lots of folk DO stay, and become part of the group, slowly.
It was awful for Montana, because it was arranged to be more exacting around attendance.
Sometimes, this sort of thing is less taxing if you ask folk to bring a bit of meat, or salad, or whatever - it tends to be less expensive, and food just sort of arranges itself, as long as you supply a damned good starter of meat/fish etc to barbecue, and some salads and nibbles. That way, if folk do not turn up in droves, you have not wasted a lot of money.
I think people were rude, Montana - but I think you are catastrophising a wee bit. I would not assume ALL of the peole who didn't come do not want to be your friends. Some may not - but I would be very cheery and unfussed - and not "heavy" them at all.
Firstly, you have to work with them. Secondly, friendship (and I assume from what you write that you are wanting to enlarge your social network????) is a bit like lerve - neediness is off-putting. They HAVE the networks, I assume??? You are new - and do not - I would arrange some more casual things in a while - if they do not come again, then this is a clear message. C'est la vie - don't invite those folk, try others. Sooner or later some balls will tumble through from your outer circle to your inner one. It takes a lot of balls to make some true friends. Don't be put off!!!!
Er - sorry for the "lesson" - my heart is aching for you - it would have felt AWFUL! But - as I said, I suspect it is less awful than it appears - and I would be sad if this experience made you withdraw. Go get 'em, girl!
I was terribly upset, and like Chai, never have more than another couple at my house.
