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Grammar check

 
 
njbenda
 
Reply Sun 29 Mar, 2020 10:05 am
Hi everyone, I'm supposed to analyze a poem for class and so I chose "Eyes Fastened with Pins" by Charles Simic. I plan on talking about grammar choices he makes, but the first few lines confuse me. Is it grammatically correct to write: "How much death works, no one knows what a long day he puts in."

I feel like the first part could stand on it's own like "Oh, how much death works!" but I'm not sure. It also seems like a dependent clause, then it never concludes properly. Thoughts?
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 375 • Replies: 3
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chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Mar, 2020 11:16 am
@njbenda,
I don't think it's a dependant clause. They are independant thoughts.
I sure wouldn't put an exclamation point in there. Not with the mood of the poem.

That said, it's fine with a comma.


Eyes Fastened With Pins
Charles Simic - 1938-

How much death works,
No one knows what a long
Day he puts in. The little
Wife always alone
Ironing death's laundry.
The beautiful daughters
Setting death's supper table.
The neighbors playing
Pinochle in the backyard
Or just sitting on the steps
Drinking beer. Death,
Meanwhile, in a strange
Part of town looking for
Someone with a bad cough,
But the address somehow wrong,
Even death can't figure it out
Among all the locked doors...
And the rain beginning to fall.
Long windy night ahead.
Death with not even a newspaper
To cover his head, not even
A dime to call the one pining away,
Undressing slowly, sleepily,
And stretching naked
On death's side of the bed.
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izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Mar, 2020 12:30 pm
@njbenda,
It's a poem, normal rules of grammar don't apply.
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engineer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Mar, 2020 12:39 pm
@njbenda,
These are two independent clauses joined together to make the flow of the poem work.
0 Replies
 
 

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