Reply Sun 8 Dec, 2019 08:08 pm
Hey everyone. I am woman in my 30s and I have a huge crush on my mental health professional/social worker. Our meetings are very casual he is supportive of my personal health goals. I know that this relationship is completely off limits. How can I fudge the rules and make it happen? Even if it is just a date night to see if we have much in common?
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 8 Dec, 2019 08:21 pm
@lincoln21,
If you care at all about this person, then back the **** off. He could lose his license. You are a grown woman and you should know better.
lincoln21
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 8 Dec, 2019 08:25 pm
@jespah,
That is why I was asking for advice. That's ok. You clearly are not very creative.
cherrie
 
  2  
Reply Sun 8 Dec, 2019 08:44 pm
@lincoln21,
lincoln21 wrote:

I know that this relationship is completely off limits.


You know that so why are you trying to take it further?

You want advice? Get another social worker.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  3  
Reply Sun 8 Dec, 2019 09:02 pm
@lincoln21,
I agree with other people here. This isn't something that you should attempt. The risk of damage to you (or to them) is too great to make this worth it.

This is a medical professional who is treating you. The goal of this relationship is to help you deal with mental heal issues. This isn't someone who you should date. You need to be realistic about this.

That being said... it is the responsibility of the mental health worker to keep this relationship professional. Most professionals will be able to deal with a patient's "crush". There is nothing wrong with having a crush on a medical professional, as long as it remains a fantasy.

If you are serious about your mental health goals, you might consider being honest. Tell him or her, as a patient, about your feelings. The professional will make it clear where the boundaries are and will decide on a course forward.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Mon 9 Dec, 2019 01:25 am
@lincoln21,
lincoln21 wrote:

That is why I was asking for advice. That's ok. You clearly are not very creative.


Are you really expecting the members here to help you to sabotage his career. That is incredibly selfish, and you not really looking for advice, you're looking for an accomplice.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Dec, 2019 06:05 am
@glitterbag,
And validation.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  4  
Reply Mon 9 Dec, 2019 08:55 am
@lincoln21,
To let you know this is very common - so much so there is advice from mental health individuals on how to handle this.

Here is an answer from a professional on this:

You may be surprised to know that what you are experiencing with your therapist isn’t uncommon. In fact, what you are likely experiencing is a phenomenon known as “erotic transference,” which is when a person experiences feelings of love or fantasies of a sexual or sensual nature about his or her therapist.

It is easy to see why you might have developed these feelings. Your therapist may embody many, if not all, of the qualities you may desire in an ideal mate. The therapist is accepting, attentive, kind, and nonjudgmental and, for at least an hour every week, fully engaged with you. One of the problems with this sort of situation is that you are falling for an image you have of the therapist, not for who the therapist actually is. You know very little about him, and you have used your imagination to fill in the rest. You have created a fantasy of sorts of your unmet needs and have imagined that the therapist is that person.

It is not “nuts” to share this with your therapist—in fact, it can actually become a significant turning point in your relationship with him. In many cases, this deepens the therapeutic work and allows you to process things on a much deeper level. It will take courage and trust for you to share this with your therapist, but taking that kind of risk in therapy is necessary for growth.

There are a number of ways in which your therapist might respond. Ideally, he will be able to help you recognize what is going on beneath the “crush” in order to get to the deeper material. Many times, therapists in this situation are able to work with the person in therapy and generate meaningful transformation.

Of course, if he is not comfortable with continuing work with you, he may refer you to another therapist. Unfortunately, there is no way I can offer a definitive answer as to how he might respond.

What he ought not do is share that he has similar feelings or act on any feelings. As you mentioned, there are rules in every state that forbid romantic relationships between therapists and the people they help for a certain time period after termination of the therapy (it depends on your state). Regardless of state regulations, the ethics code of the American Counseling Association (2014) specifies that there must be a five-year period between the end of the counseling relationship and the start of a sexual or romantic relationship. It would be highly inappropriate, unprofessional, and, yes, illegal for your therapist to do anything other than work with you through this or refer you to someone else.

I hope you can navigate this with grace and recognize that what you feel can be and often is a part of the therapeutic relationship. In fact, I can’t think of one therapist I know who hasn’t experienced this, so please don’t feel as though you are an anomaly. It’s very normal, but the important thing is how you handle it; be honest, sit with his response, and most of all, treat yourself with the deepest level of care and compassion you can muster."

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/should-i-tell-my-therapist-i-have-a-crush-on-him
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Dec, 2019 09:45 am
I agree with Linkat. I strongly disagree with other posters on this thread who are being nasty.

It is the medical professional's job, their reponsibility, to build a relationship that is healthy and has appropriate boundaries with their patients. It is not the patient's responsibility.

The nasty comments on this thread atracking a patient arent helpful. They are detrimental toward someone who is getting mental health support and shoukd trust their providers to act professionally. The whole purpose of mental health care is to lrovide support for our unhealthy emotions. If you attack people rather than accepting them and providing support to deal with them appropriately you defeat tge process.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Mon 9 Dec, 2019 09:53 am
@maxdancona,
I kind of agree with this - the poster is getting help with mental health issues. We honestly do not know to what degree or why this person is seeking therapy. It is better to be understanding and acknowledge that these feelings are common. Being mean and not understanding toward someone seeking help with mental health issues could possibly make their mental state worse. I know that many pointed out she is an adult - yes she is but with a mental health issue and is quite likely vulnerable as a result so some understanding rather than harsh words would be much more helpful. I have read what many of you have written previously so I know you do not mean to cause harm someone but for someone with a mental health issue being this direct and mean in your words can be much more harmful than you realize.

Although I would never condone acting on them for the reasons that most of you state, the therapist - if a good and reputable therapist would understand this and handle appropriately or if he feels this would cause more of an issue would recommend another therapist.

Someone in this profession would quite possibly have experienced this or at least be educated on how to handle appropriately - he is the professional and should know how to act that way. If not, then he should not be in this profession.
0 Replies
 
2bgoodagain
 
  0  
Reply Mon 9 Dec, 2019 10:18 am
@lincoln21,
sometimes to know why you like someone, you first need to find out about you.

do a love language test on yourself.... if "words of affirmation" is one of your top love languages, it may not be the person you're interested in, but what he does. which means, it isn't the person you're interested in, but rather his actions, which many do.

and it's better you don't destroy his life, just to satisfy a curiosity/craving you have. Smile

0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

How to use the new able2know - Discussion by Craven de Kere
Hurricane Harvey help - Discussion by shewolfnm
Single mom, baby announcement, help - Question by Angela409
How do I get my name back? Please help - Question by katlynkitkat
Bathroom Troubles with our Dogs - Question by taylor anne
How to create a google account - Question by mister kitten
How to make games? - Question by mister kitten
 
  1. Forums
  2. » I have a crush
Copyright © 2020 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 08/09/2020 at 12:23:34