Wife becoming more spiritual

Hi mrpeterson,

First, does "Jim's Journal" mean anything to you? First thing your handle makes me think of, will explain if you don't know what I mean.

Second, I can see a lot of reasons why it would bother you. For one thing, what form does the talking about God take? Is it moralistic -- you should or shouldn't be doing certain things? That would be an obvious annoyance. But more subtly than that, you may be feeling rejected/ rebuked -- WHY does she have this need to turn to God? Is she feeling lacking in some way, that her needs are not being met? I can see that you would feel (rightly or wrongly) that it reflects badly on you in some way that she feels this need.

Anyway, more info from you could help fill out the picture.

She talks alot about her relationship with God. I don't feel she is saying you should do this or shouldn't do that. We might be watching a program where something good happens to someone and she will comment on how good God is. We might be watching a movie and afterwards she'll comment why she thinks God did this or did that. Not that any of this is wrong(in many cases I agree with her) I think it is just that it happens so much that it becomes annoyance. I think sometimes I wanna say can you just be "normal" if that makes any since.

Sure, that makes sense.

I dunno, I might have to bow out of this one because I'm agnostic and any of that would make me batty. So it's harder to get to the point of empathizing what is OK, and then see if it gets to be too much -- any of that would send me screaming for the hills in short order. :-)

In general, I think the idea of wanting to stay married to the person you married and being upset by major changes is understandable. I'll let people with more knowledge of this particular subject comment, though.

Good luck.

Hey MrPeterson,

I can sympathize with you. My grandparents are very close to being fanatic religious nuts. Last summer we flew down to Florida for my brothers wedding. We arrived at the airport and realized that my grandmother didn't bring any form of id with her. Somehow she managed to get through security and we made our flight intime. The entire time all we heard about was she knew she'd get on because she was praying.

While we were there I lost my wedding ring in the gulf of mexico while we were on a ski-do. We were in shalllow enough water (up to my neck) so I stood in the general area where I felt it slip off while my wife took the ski-do back to shore to get a snorkel and mask. I found my ring and of course the first thing I heard when I got back to shore was "I knew you'd find it... I was praying you would."

We had good weather for the outdoor wedding which apparently she also prayed for. It went on and on and on.

On our trip home we got stranded at the airport and had to take a bus home from Chicago to Milwaukee. It was pouring rain the entire trip. The entire ride home I saw field after field flooded. Intersections were closed down due to backed up sewer drains. Buisnesses were half-way under water... and I had a hole in my roof back home. I kept having images of my house with water pouring in the through the hole. i really had to bite my tounge to keep myself from turning around and asking her if she prayed for this as well.

One thing I have noticed is religious people are always willing to give credit to god when things go right and when things go wrong... it is adam and eves fault for eating some fruit a few thousand years ago... so much for all forgiving.

Anyway, I'm not to sure what kind of advice I could offer you other then talk to your wife and explain how you feel. Married couples don't have to share everything with each other and perhaps this is one of those things that you may both have to agree to disagree and live with if you want to stay married.

By the way, to follow up on the Mr. Peterson thing, that was the name of Jim's cat in the comic strip "Jim's Journal" by Scott Dikkers, one of the founders of the Onion. It ran in the campus paper while I attended University of Wisconsin-Madison, and then took off. Not sure how far it extended beyond Madison though (unlike the Onion, which most everyone knows about these days.)

I'm a somewhat religious person myself and this sort of talk drives me
nuts as well.

It could be the programming that she's listening to that is causing her to
talk this way. Or maybe she's made some new friends among the
"aggressively devout" (as I like to call them). In any case, I think
you should address the issue with her. If you don't, she's going to drop a
Godly reference on you when you're in a bad mood and you may respond
in a way that you'll regret.

Handle it the same way you would any delicate discussion. Pick a time
when you are both relaxed. After dinner, once the cleanup is done works
well for me. Start out by affirming her belief in God and your own. Then
explain that while you understand and respect how she sees the hand of
God in everyday events, her mentioning as often as she does makes you
uncomfortable. You are a man of faith, but one who inclines to a more
private expression of that faith.

Just my two cents.
And the best of luck to you.

It is a sickness. A horrible, horrible sickness which has now reached epidemic proportions in our country.

Try to be understanding.

Hopefully it will pass.

Don't drink the Kool Aid.

I may be able to provide some perspective, I was a very religious person when I was younger. Now I am a pretty secular agnostic. I have been on both sides of the conflict you are describing.

My advice is this: separate the religion, both your feelings about it and hers, from your marriage. Trying to tell your wife -- "don't be so religious" -- is a mistake as she will hear "don't be so close to God"and really is her personal matter anyway.

Maybe what she is doing is her way of meeting a personal need. I know from personal experience that people often become more religious when they are dealing with something emotionally. Whatever it is, it is between her and her faith.

However, it is clear that there is conflict in your marriage. You should absolutely address this-- just without the religion. I suggest simply telling her how you feel.

Do you feel like your wife is more judgemental of you?-- tell her how you feel (leaving God out of it). Do you feel that you need more of your wife's attention? -- tell her how you feel (and leave God out of it).

You should be able to say that when she comments on your television shows, it makes you feel uncomfortable, or pressured or whatever.

I would not pressure her to have less faith. That is not really what you need, and she will not accept this.


Don't focus on the Religion. Instead, focus on the communication that is an important part of any marriage. Tell her how you feel and listen to what she needs. If you build a deeper level of communication, the religious stuff will either fix itself, or not matter.

I am not the same at all, but similar to, ebrown, in that I was also a sincere believer and now am not, some forty years later. Forty? yes.

And I am similar to Soz, in that I cannot presently even begin to imagine being in your feet.

Except that I can, as I did believe.


And I have to say, that my main aggravation would be an ordinary one as a human - that of someone reciting stuff (which I might agree with, if I were there) - and being nutso from the recitation.


So -


I think there is a noise factor -

and a faith factor (that would be me, splitsville)

and some kind of adapting routine. I can't help you on that myself, have no patience for it, myself, but maybe others have.