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Does she like me?

 
 
Reply Fri 10 May, 2019 03:51 pm
Hi, I'm new here and I got myself into a bit of a situation with someone I dont really know but somehow I can't stop thinking about her and I got intense feelings I'm not sure if its mine or somehow I tapped into hers or what is really going on. Sorry if this is too long or not clear enough so ask if you don't understand something?

So I'm 39 years old and never had any luck with women. Either I don't know how to attract them or I end up annoying them. The last woman I liked didn't want to date me so I was basically rejected, at work

A new woman pops up with a new job and it seemed we bump into one another infrequently and I work on a machine near one of the parking lot entrances so she started showing up there saying "good morning" to me. I don't recall if I was looking at her or she just started doing that. At this point I was attracted to her but was pushing it away. One day I couldn't come in at 5am (that's when she was showing up) anymore (overtime) so I had to come in at 6am. I did see her pull in at 5 am (because I get there at 430am regardless and just look at my phone until my shift starts) so I saw what car she drives and now I know when she comes in.

We first met at the timeclock (bumped into one another and we both smiled). But it hasn't happened and at the time I was concerned about my finances. Not worrying about women, friendships or whatever so I was preoccupied with my thoughts so a few times we crossed paths I just glanced and looked away. It was until one day I saw her staring at me while I was punching out for lunch. She didn't look away either, I just walked away. It was at that time I thought she was into me.

Well for awhile I just ignored her, she didn't say anything and she started going to her car during lunch. She took hers at 1230pm and I do at 1pm. It was awkward for awhile because I wasn't ready for any relationship, at least that's what I assumed. Let alone I'm not interested in kids or marriage. Despite all that I decided to work up a nerve to say "good morning" to her when she walked in at 5am. It took awhile and I ended up not coming in too often and this is when I was pulled to do a shift in the nearby plant (it's the same company split into different buildings). It's also when a few other women who I felt awkward around (some guys felt it was necessary to hook me up with a couple of them). Anyway I just ignored those women, I had no interest in them. Just the one woman Im talking about. And I still don't know her name.

Anyway despite some weird awkwardness I've managed to get her attention long enough for us to say 'good morning' and smile. Now remember I haven't healed well from my last rejection and every other attempt to find a girlfriend. I've been single since like forever. So I'm just trying to get used to saying hi and hopefully she feels more inclined to do the same. Even I tried to ignore her one day because I was unsure and I heard her say "good morning". The next day I got a stare and I smiled back and another good morning. At this point I thought we were getting somewhere. She then stopped coming in at 5am and I was a bit worried. I also have been getting some intense feelings. I'm not sure if it's her, mine or both but its really unclear why she is coming in at 6. First few times I noticed she came in late and one day as I was walking to the other plant I saw her getting out of her car. I pretended I didn't notice (because I was too scared I might have annoyed her).

Well a few days pass and I was asked to come in on Saturday to work in the other plant at 5am. I came in around 4am just to talk with a few guys and I saw her car parked. I felt obligated to come in to work on my machine and I see her near the timeclock but she didn't see me yet so I pretended I didn't notice her.

Well nothing happened and I was done at the other plant so I decided to go back to my machine and her car was still parked there. I was going to stay to 1230pm and while most everyone else was leaving at 12 she was leaving too. Oh also I'm in the Chicago area and it was 2 days until May and it was snowing, not typical. Somehow I managed to notice she was walking (my machine is oriented so I face the door) out for the day and I told her "hey it's snowing" she pauses and responds "that's crazy". Well it seemed to go well but that was like 2 Saturdays ago and I havent seen her since (I don't typically work Saturday). I'm guessing she starts at 6am now and I've been having to go to the other plant at 530am. (Or a bit after) because we're having issues with the machine I run there. These are grinding machines that runs car parts through and they are not coming out in proper quality so its taking forever to adjust things and we're still having issues and lot of parts to run. So where I'm at is I'm unclear if this woman likes me or not.

I also at this point don't want children and I am unsure about marriage. Usually women want marriage and kids at least from the women Ive met (partially the reason why I can't get a date or a girlfriend). I just have no idea what this woman wants but I get these really intense feelings. I don't know if it's me, her or a combo of both. I feel like I need to just forget about her and I've tried but every time I do they come back, stronger. I'm just not sure what to do or if she even (still?) likes me or what she wants me to do.

Its just really difficult when I don't have basic skills in getting a woman interested, let alone I'm not much of a romantic either. At this point I just see this as a really hardcore crush, with quite a bit of a fatal attraction. Or I'm just crazy.
 
Midnightxx55
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 May, 2019 09:37 am
I still don't know if she likes me, so I have decided not to pursue her. I'm just too scared to approach her. If she does like me maybe she'll make it easier for me to do so but I don't want to give her the impression I want to get involved with her, even though she may already thinking that. I'm cool with just being friends. She may also had wanted a family with me but considering I'm not looking for that she may already know from co workers. Either way I'm not going to approach her, I'll let her do that if she's that interested. If not, I still need to figure out how to stop these feelings or whatever. Or I'll just have to learn to deal with them somehow.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Tue 14 May, 2019 09:43 am
@Midnightxx55,
Oh FFS women aren't automatically thinking husband, babies, yadda yadda yadda the moment they make eye contact with a guy.

Next time, say hi to her. You know, like you would with anyone else. Pretending you're not noticing someone is silly and counterproductive.

Oh and BTW, you don't have to know if she likes you to ask her out. Talk, be nice, take an interest in her like a person. And ask her if she'd like to have coffee with you. If she says yes, then great. If she says no, then that's okay, too. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Oh and one more thing -- if you're sharing your reproductive plans with your coworkers, cut that **** out yesterday. I guarantee they don't give a damn, it's inappropriate, and it won't help you get anyone interested in you. That's not because women are baby making machines, only controlled by their uteruses (uteri) when it comes to deciding who they associate with. It's because mature people stay away from folks who engage in middle school gossip and oversharing.
Midnightxx55
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 May, 2019 12:19 pm
@jespah,
It's not me starting that wanting marriage and kid bs. Its the co workers talking about it, but your right thats not their problem but unfortunately i got caught up in it. It ends now then, I'll smile, say hi and have small talk and that's what ill I'll do. I won't bother with anything else then. Its a work environment, not a hookup place. i got my answer, thank you.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 May, 2019 12:32 pm
@Midnightxx55,
I recommend the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. I think it would help you.

If you want something, you have to ask for it. There is no need to be weird about it, just say "I would like to have a drink with you". If she says yes, then great! If she says "no" than too bad. If she asks you want you want, be honest... tell her you find her attractive.

The rest of the stuff you wrote is a perfect example of overthinking. There is way to know what another person is thinking without asking them.

There is no secret... just be honest. Women are human beings, and many of them are just as awkward as you are. Every person is different, and there is nothing that will attract everyone. You have to ask for what you want.

My most effective pickup line (not an original idea, but it works) is "Hi, I am Max".

After I have a conversation with a woman I find attractive I say "I would like to have dinner with you. Can we set up a time?". If she asks "Is this a date?", I answer honestly "Yes, I want a date with you". If a woman says "yes", then I take her out for dinner with the intention of us both having a fun time where we get to know each other. If a woman says "no", I drop it. If I enjoy the first date, I ask her for a second date... it isn't that hard "I would like to see you again".

After a few dates, if I am enjoying being with her I say something like "I would like to spend the night with you". Again I am asking for what I want. If she says "yes" then we have a great time. If she says "no", I accept her answer.

There is no secret. Just figure out what you want and then ask for it.


Midnightxx55
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 May, 2019 06:09 pm
@maxdancona,
After writing this I was thinking i was overthinking it too much which may have lead to my problem. Doesn't help that it makes me scared about it. Asking her out is out of the question. I'm not ready to put myself on the line with that. Maybe if I get more comfortable around her it might be a possibility but for now I'll just keep things professional. Some good advice though, thanks.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 14 May, 2019 07:11 pm
@Midnightxx55,
“Put yourself on the line for that”?
What does that even mean?

You are Really over thinking this. It’s a date. A cup of coffee for Christ’s sake.

Are you seriously 39 years old?

This whole story sounds more like a high school sophomore wrote it, and substituted the word “work” for school and “machine” for class or something. I have never heard a 39 year old man or woman ask “Do you think he/she likes me?”

And yeah, when a woman meets a guy for the first time for coffee or a burger, she’s not thinking about marriage and babies. Here’s a secret....not every woman wants one or the other, or either of them.

Jess put it perfectly when she said FFS.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 May, 2019 07:33 pm
@Midnightxx55,
The most important thing I wrote was the book recommendation.

Read it... "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

It was written for you.



Midnightxx55
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 May, 2019 02:34 am
@chai2,
I may have forgot to mention i never been on a date or ever had a girlfriend. Let alone I've always been awkward around women I like and my awkwardness apparently puts off any woman.
Midnightxx55
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 May, 2019 04:52 am
@maxdancona,
Well I just found out that this woman was looking for a husband, and to start a family so she thought I might be a good fit but she found that I wasn't looking for that and thought I was annoying, which is why she didn't start at 5am. She came around again but I get the feeling she has no interest in me so the best thing is to just leave her alone. I never wanted to have a crush and work isnt the place to pick up someone. I don't get out often and the last time I was interested in someone and it didn't work out I decided not to pursue any relationship. Perhaps if I had some proper experience like most people have during high school things are different, but because of my inherent deficiencies I am no good with women. Maybe this was a learning experience but in any case I gotta stop thinking of dating, relationships, ect.. because for 39 years it's never worked. Anyway I tire of having to tell people the same story of not caring about relationships. I thought something was there and it wasn't because I got too much time on my hands and I'm just ******* sick and tired of it. It's a hassle. At least now I can stop worrying about this ******* woman and get on with my life.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Wed 15 May, 2019 07:43 am
@Midnightxx55,
You’re putting women off because you’re vetting each one so extremely.

Embrace your current awkwardness and ask out the next woman who strikes your fancy for something super casual, like meeting at a Starbucks for a coffee, which could end up being as little time as it takes to order and sit down and drink it, or unfurl naturally into a much longer time.

Don’t you dare use the excuse that you didn’t date back in high school for your current situation. That’s just feeling sorry for yourself.

The way to find out what is important to another person is by talking to them, not finding out things through the grapevine.

A date is just getting together with another person to talk, not some kind of tactical maneuver.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 May, 2019 07:55 am
@chai2,
I agree with Chai,

It is easy for men to get stuck in a rut where past failures have taught us the wrong lessons. If things aren't working for you, then you need to figure out what you need to change. That is why I am pushing that book on you (which you really should read).

I have found that working with a therapist, or with a therapy group, is helpful in dealing with old hurts and figuring out how make healthy changes to get what you need out of life.

Giving up on women doesn't sound like a good idea to me.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Wed 15 May, 2019 08:43 am
@chai2,
Another thing that smells like bullshit to me as far as your posts....

You're 39 years old, so it would make sense that you're looking for someone close to your age to date. If you're not, start.

The idea that a woman who is let's say 35 or above is so baby crazy is ludicrous.

Yeah, a lot of women in the 20's are in those prime baby making years, and are looking for a husband/partner with whom she can expand her gene pool.

If a woman is your supposed age, and hasn't had children, chances are it's because she didn't want them in the first place. Sure she might have kids already, and someone like that would be easy enough to rule out. But by the time anyone, man or woman is nearing 40, kids aren't what they want on the menu.

I never had, or wanted kids, so I know what it's like, at a younger age, dealing with co-workers wanting to convert you to their way of thinking. Or, when past all that baby making nonsense, being asked/told stupid things like "who's going to take care of you?", "I can't imagine not having kids". You just learn to not pay attention, especially when you observe how much they complain about their kids.

Have you tried any dating apps? If you just want some casual dates and practice, that's what they are there for.







Midnightxx55
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 May, 2019 09:41 am
@maxdancona,
That's the problem. My past failures and inexperience is what's leading into more failure. Well the last time I had a crush on someone was over a decade ago. The other problem is people just need to mind their own business, especially at work about girlfriends, ect and I have to stop giving them information too. They don't need to know. Next time someone says something I'll just either not say anything or it's not your problem, its mine let me deal with it.

That way no one tries setting me up with someone and no one will intervene. Therapy may not be a bad thing if I were to continue on with the idea of dating women, if I really wanted to.
0 Replies
 
Midnightxx55
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 May, 2019 09:41 am
@chai2,
I don't know, maybe perhaps they said it to make it easier for me to approach her. Or something else, maybe I misheard because I didn't notice any difference with her today.

Its obvious that I'm too anxious or got too much anxiety with the prospect of women and relationships or whatever. Point is now I got a direction and while I'm still not comfortable around her I feel I could approach her given an opportunity. A few of my friends told me to stop worrying so much about dating, love relationships, that if I like her just talk to her. I don't need to ask her out or anything. If there's something there then there will be signs.

That way I can still make at least work friends and I can learn more about her without the stress. I just got worked up over her being around and looking over at me.
0 Replies
 
Midnightxx55
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 21 May, 2019 05:41 am
@Midnightxx55,
**** you people I aked her out and now shes voiding me. Swearing off women for good. I can't deal with this ****
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 21 May, 2019 06:15 am
@Midnightxx55,
There are billions of women, and you've made up your mind about all of us based on just one?
Midnightxx55
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 21 May, 2019 07:38 am
@jespah,
Oh give my a ******* break so I should ask the first woman I see? Sorry that I'm not attracted to 99%of the women i see or talk to.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 May, 2019 10:12 am
@Midnightxx55,
**** us because one woman said no to a date? One you were sure wasn’t into you anyway?

Yeah, **** us, it’s all our fault.

Have you ever thought of, I don’t know, just engaging with women as if they are actual human beings and not some alien life form?

Like not setting your sights on one person and decide you need to ask her on a date, and just talking/not talking/listening/responding/ saying “hi” as you’re passing them, just like you do with a man?

So many seem to think there this all or nothing moment that is on your first encounter with a person where they have to say this complicated series of the perfectly right thing, that will end up in this date. A date that then has to go according to some other specific and exact plan, with no deviations.

Unbelievable as it may sound, people actually just talk to other people for weeks and months at a time, before both mutually deciding to go out.

How the hell did you even know you even wanted to go on a date with her? You never even had a conversation with her.

Don’t put it on the woman that she said no thanks. Sounds like she barely is aware of you. If a near stranger walked up to you and asked to you, wouldn’t you be wondering why they did that, and most likely say no?

Back when I was in high school, one night the phone rang during dinner. I answered it and it was this guy. He said “hi, it’s Gary Smith”. I stood there waiting for him to tell me which brother of mine he wanted to speak to, because the name meant nothing to me. Finally I said “Who?”

He said some like “Gary, in English class?”

I felt so awkward because I still had no idea. Guess I said something brilliant again like “Who?”

“Uh, I sit behind you, uh not right behind you but behind you to the side? Well like 2 people behind you to the side?”

Honestly I felt like I was the one doing something awful because my mind was spinning as to who this was, why he was calling. Again made the same comment of “who?”
I remember him then telling me he was in the year ahead of me, a senior. More mental calculations on my part, awkward silence until the ball dropped and I said “oh! Gary. Yeah” I vaguely pictured this boy that was somewhere in Mrs Lawlers English composition class. I kinda knew the name from whe she called attendance.

The next thing he said was “do you want to go to the senior prom with me?”

I remember standing there, wanting to eat my dinner, thinking “the prom is like in 2 days. Huh?” My next thought was how was I supposed to come up with a prom dress and all that stuff in 2 days, and who is this Gary and why is he putting me on the spot like this because I don’t even know who he is and we’d never even said hello to each other let alone had a conversation and isn’t a prom for like girlfriends and boyfriends and is this Gary the same person I’m thinking of and I have no idea what’s going on and if I say no I’m going to be the bad person and a dozen other things.

I muttered something like “I don’t know”, because guess what, girls/woman sometimes don’t have any idea what to say either.

The next day I saw him in class and yes, he was this guy that I’m sure my eyes went over once or twice, but he was just another person in the class that I didn’t know. I did tell him I could go, and remember not liking he put me in that situation.

So think of how you made that woman at work feel when the 2 of you have never even talked, and you throw this responsibility on her to be the one who is going to make you happy or unhappy. That’s not her job.

So get over yourself putting the burden on another person to fill in all the blanks for you, and start saying things like hello, nice day and getting to know them over time in a natural way.




chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 May, 2019 10:16 am
@chai2,
Sorry I told him I could NOT go with him
0 Replies
 
 

 
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