**** us because one woman said no to a date? One you were sure wasnâ€™t into you anyway?
Yeah, **** us, itâ€™s all our fault.
Have you ever thought of, I donâ€™t know, just engaging with women as if they are actual human beings and not some alien life form?
Like not setting your sights on one person and decide you need to ask her on a date, and just talking/not talking/listening/responding/ saying â€śhiâ€ť as youâ€™re passing them, just like you do with a man?
So many seem to think there this all or nothing moment that is on your first encounter with a person where they have to say this complicated series of the perfectly right thing, that will end up in this date. A date that then has to go according to some other specific and exact plan, with no deviations.
Unbelievable as it may sound, people actually just talk to other people for weeks and months at a time, before both mutually deciding to go out.
How the hell did you even know you even wanted to go on a date with her? You never even had a conversation with her.
Donâ€™t put it on the woman that she said no thanks. Sounds like she barely is aware of you. If a near stranger walked up to you and asked to you, wouldnâ€™t you be wondering why they did that, and most likely say no?
Back when I was in high school, one night the phone rang during dinner. I answered it and it was this guy. He said â€śhi, itâ€™s Gary Smithâ€ť. I stood there waiting for him to tell me which brother of mine he wanted to speak to, because the name meant nothing to me. Finally I said â€śWho?â€ť
He said some like â€śGary, in English class?â€ť
I felt so awkward because I still had no idea. Guess I said something brilliant again like â€śWho?â€ť
â€śUh, I sit behind you, uh not right behind you but behind you to the side? Well like 2 people behind you to the side?â€ť
Honestly I felt like I was the one doing something awful because my mind was spinning as to who this was, why he was calling. Again made the same comment of â€śwho?â€ť
I remember him then telling me he was in the year ahead of me, a senior. More mental calculations on my part, awkward silence until the ball dropped and I said â€śoh! Gary. Yeahâ€ť I vaguely pictured this boy that was somewhere in Mrs Lawlers English composition class. I kinda knew the name from whe she called attendance.
The next thing he said was â€śdo you want to go to the senior prom with me?â€ť
I remember standing there, wanting to eat my dinner, thinking â€śthe prom is like in 2 days. Huh?â€ť My next thought was how was I supposed to come up with a prom dress and all that stuff in 2 days, and who is this Gary and why is he putting me on the spot like this because I donâ€™t even know who he is and weâ€™d never even said hello to each other let alone had a conversation and isnâ€™t a prom for like girlfriends and boyfriends and is this Gary the same person Iâ€™m thinking of and I have no idea whatâ€™s going on and if I say no Iâ€™m going to be the bad person and a dozen other things.
I muttered something like â€śI donâ€™t knowâ€ť, because guess what, girls/woman sometimes donâ€™t have any idea what to say either.
The next day I saw him in class and yes, he was this guy that Iâ€™m sure my eyes went over once or twice, but he was just another person in the class that I didnâ€™t know. I did tell him I could go, and remember not liking he put me in that situation.
So think of how you made that woman at work feel when the 2 of you have never even talked, and you throw this responsibility on her to be the one who is going to make you happy or unhappy. Thatâ€™s not her job.
So get over yourself putting the burden on another person to fill in all the blanks for you, and start saying things like hello, nice day and getting to know them over time in a natural way.