Just a Thought

I have always been surrounded by tragedy in my life or at least in my opinion. Up until eight grade i would consider myself to of had a perfect childhood. Traveled around the world, had a supportive family, with two sisters one 2 years younger than me who was my best friend in the world. But during the summer of eighth grade my friend was tragiclly taken from me when she was riding her bike down the hill i live on and due to the wet tarmac was unable to brake in time to avoid the mini van. She loved to race down that hill of ours, showing off her new skills of "no hands" and at blistering speeds that even i was timid of doing. She was a daredevil. For some reason unexplained to me she was taken away so perfectly, every event led up to her death. The exact timing of her descent down the hill the speed at which the minivan was traveling the fact that the rearview mirror of the car speared her heart leading to her death... I couldn't help but wish i had said one extra word just something when she left the house to prevent this accident, but thats life for yah. After this tragedy it caused a domino effect in the rest of my life. My father was unable to show emotion for my mom, my mom then started seeing another man for support, my dad found on and they eventually got divorced a pretty rough one i might add. To top it off my best friend and only good friend since Chas moved to Bangeledash cause his parents were in the state department. So i had no one to turn to and felt i was exploring the rhelms of depression, something that is so mysterious and something that can be so deep you cannot explain. Its like a dark empty black hole that has no bottom. There is no ultimate stage of depression it just keeps feeling worse depending on the situation.

As you know though i like to view things in a "different light"
So while it took me years to recover from these things and to be honest you never do recover you just forget your past and move on but you can convince people you've gotten over it, although i don't think you truly can. When something like a brother,sister,mother,father figure is taken from you you can't get it back your life will forever be different.

But if you want to look at things in a brighter light i could aruge that because of these tragedies i have experienced feelings that are alien to most people, things that no one could comprehend.

So my question is do you think it is worth going through life facing tragedies and hardships both highs and lows in order to experience as many emotions as life has to offer. I think that i would rather of had a life that was much more challenging then someone else's. While some people get depressed because of a B they havn't even scracthed the surface of depression. There are many depths.... I think living life afraid to get hurt whether it be with girlfriends or just buddies i think that in the long run hurts. I want to grow old and be able to look at my roller coaster ride of a life and feel all the emotions that were so strong in my youth. I want to still be able to taste that damp air on my tongue the day my sister died. While life has taken things away from me that i will never get back you can't stay angry forever you have to move on and put the past behind you. At least now when i meet people that have face terrible tragedies i won't be afraid to speak to them because i will have some comprehension of what they have been through. Recently the today show had a contest in which people sent in their life stories and if you won your story is published. An Afghan girl won. She had lost a leg when she was a kid playing when she suddenly stepped on a mine, then later her 2 brothers, sister and parents were brutally murdered by militia. While it is easy to feel a few seconds of sympathy for this girl when you click the news off you continue your life because you have no idea what it is like to be taht girl. If you did you would not be able to even stand up out of your seat. How you can stay strong when life has essentially fucked you over and given you no opportunity is a feat. I think these people should be heros but are often just snip bits on the news. I wish there was an explanation for why certain things happen to certain people or why it seems so true that the "best people" always die young. Its scary when you read about all the posisbilites and ratios you have of dying as soon as you step out on your front door. But the human mind is good at denying this by convincing itself that the tragedies you hear about will never happen to me. I wish there was a way to watch how many close encounters you have had with death. Im sure there are millions.