Newly divorced woman flirting with much younger man

Sorry, I should have been more clear.

I actually have no problem with a female's use of the term where describing herself. In that case it has positive connotations of her own vital sexuality. And I suppose I'm also fine with the term where it would be used by a male who appreciates female sexuality and who finds older women a turn on. In those cases, it seems to me that the connotations are affirmative.

But there is a fairly common usage by males which connotes female appetites (such as the one we're speaking of) as perverse... cougar = inappropriately older slut.

It's actually a term I never use precisely because of that last connotation.

I think the concern is more around dating within your kid's activity crowd. The age difference is not important at all. Pursuing someone (regardless of age) at your child's sporting events with your ex present and where everyone knows you and your ex casually can be problematic. The age of the child is not mentioned here. I think if the child is young, it is less of a problem than if the child is older. My daughter's soccer team has had a couple of these type of events over the last three years, parents divorcing, new girlfriends or boyfriends showing up at games while the soon to be ex spouse is there, etc. The children are affected, their teammates talk about it and it creates drama. Of course, the OP is entitled to a dating life, but some discretion is called for when kids are involved.

I actually don't agree with that, engineer. Or more exactly, I believe that way of thinking is deeply bound into oppressive and arbitrary notions of sexuality and family arising from, mainly, the western world's christian heritage. Other cultures view these things much differently.

For example, there is a particular Asian culture where homes are designed with the wife's bedroom having one door into the main house and another door directly to the street. The wife sleeps in her room and the husband in another. At night, if another village man knocks on the wife's street door, she can invite him in if she wishes for sex. The husband, of course, can go out on the street and knock on some other door. (reference here is "Sex at Dawn")

One is constrained by the culture one is in but even though that is true, there is great variation in any population as to sexual behavior. And in my view, pushing back against arbitrary cultural fixed ideas is a good thing.

You're a cougar, Linkat .

I've watched two distinct situations on this particular team. One where the wife had an affair and the child is taking her father's side, another where the cause of the divorce is unknown but it is clearly somewhat messy and the child is favoring her mother. How do I know all these details? The girls are talking about it and seeking solace from each other. When parents show up with boy or girl friends at games, these kids freak out with their own feelings and concerns about their parents and they turn to their teammates. Adults are completely entitled to get on with their lives but when children are involved there is value in discretion. How any individual parent strikes that balance is up to them, but it is worth considering ahead of time instead of charging in.

I disagree with this too. Why should anyone care about what an ex-husband thinks. I am civil with my ex-wife, and we have learned to work together pretty well on matters concerning our kids.

But who I date, why I date or where I meet them is none of her business. I would have no problem dating a girl scout mom or someone from chorus.

I don't see the problem.

I agree, you shouldn't care what your ex thinks. You should care that you don't put your child in a situation that is completely avoidable or at least balance her needs with your own. If you are successfully striking that balance, great.

I kind of see your point, I still disagree.

Every parent has to figure out their own situation. Sure, if there was particular drama with me and my ex-wife with girl scouts, I might avoid a fling with that sexy girl scout mom. But this would be the exception rather than the rule.

In general I see nothing wrong with dating people you meet during your child's activities.

But why is it OK for a guy in the situation to do this and not a woman? If you read my post I work 50-70 hours a week. I don't have time to go places. I would never bring a guy to my kids activities. He is the older sibling of a kid on the team.

Thanks Max!

I love the cougar thing. I think it's a positive!!!

It's not.

And you're looking to cause drama by doing it.

Good for you. Got get 'em.

I didn't say anything about it being ok for a guy nor did I say it is not ok for you. You have a child and that needs to figure in. It's a consideration for both men and women. I'm not saying do or don't, I'm saying you need to consider where you are in your relationship with your child before you bring your dating life into your child's playground. If things are still rough in their life and this is their safe space, maybe dating should happen somewhere else. You have to be the one to make that determination.

I'm not bringing him into my child's activities. I wouldn't be around him there. I would go out with him separate from that. But I guarantee this is accepted more if a man does it. By outsiders I mean. My kids just want me to be happy. We have talked about dating (both my ex and I).

I'm not looking to cause drama. If that was true I would have done it already without caring. I'm looking for advice but very few are giving it. Obviously my kids are more supportive than a lot of you on here. It's awkward I'm sure but it's worse for a kid knowing that their parents hate each other and they fight all the time.

If your kids are in a good place, then all is good. That is something only you can judge and it sounds like you have done so.

I agree with that part - why I added it at the end of my post.

Although I do remember when my daughter was younger playing Basketball - we had just this thing happening. I don't remember anyone talking about it and the kids didn't seem to mind - just interesting when all parents were there - you had the one mom and dad of two different girls on the team that were dating and then the father of one them also there with his girlfriend and then the other mom there who was best friends with one of the other moms on the team -

Just small town stuff.

Well my husband is younger than me!

Yes - but she doesn't appear to live in an Asian country - so her kids are growing up in a different cultural. You do have to consider your children. I'd take the side of being careful for your kids sake - that doesn't mean you can't have your younger man - just be mindful of how it could impact your kids. So just be discrete.