Men are the New Women pt. 371: The Man Date

We would have to ask each group of three friends in America.

But within my circles of friends (on the West Coast of U.S.) men are still not allowed to be honestly revealing unless we're suitably drunk. Then we have permission. Whether it's five guys, three, or two, conversation usually stalls until someone finds something to "do" -- an agenda or project. At which point it's all just machinery.

As to romantic interest, if I can't go to a fancy restaurant alone, how can I go with a friend or a group? If there's any stigma or self-consciousness alone, then indeed, I would be RELYING on a partner or a group to sustain the outing. Therefore it WOULD be a "date", and probably a "romantic" one, because there are romanticized notions involved as to "what it means" or "what it is".

But if I tell a friend, "Hey I'm gonna go get some lobster and wine ... you up for some really good food?" then it's not asking for a special encounter, or anything that has myth-making or images behind it. It's just doing what we want, and sharing it regardless.

So for me, having our Significant Others around ... actually complicates things, because then there are multiple connections happening at the same time, and the situation can get thinned out.

Documenting everybody's position (ie. the "absence of romanticism") ... seems plastic, or ungenuine.
I would rather just walk out than to have to "be something".



'Course, I am a very strange and odd person and not many people share my outlook, even in California. You might have to keep asking!

Last sunday I was dining at an Argentinian restaurant with my family and noticed two evidently hetero gringos talking in English. From the little I overheard, they were having what has been defined on this thread as a "man-date".
So much for stereotypes, I said to myself. The two men left, and the older one said something to the patron in the distinct Argentinian/Uruguayan accent. One less.
As for the other, my wife told me he was the former boyfriend of Dorothy, one of her friends. He's Canadian.

Well, that explains it then - after all, Canada isn't a REAL country.

Fascinating, now I've read through!

I have long cherished a theory I picked up some time ago which goes:

Men make friends by sharing a common interest (football, cars, achievments at work, golf, talk about women, etc.)

Women make friends by sharing their experiences in life (relationships, kids, "feelings", atmosphere at work, analysis of soaps, etc.)

Now clearly these are stereotypes and I've chosen examples which are stereotypical on purpose, to demonstrate the point.

This fits with the strange sense in which the "man-date" has been seen by the article. It is men behaving in the manner that women make friends which is being considered the "man-date", I believe.

No one says watching football a deux is a man-date, for example.

I have used the theory to make decent work-acquaintances with men, with whom a discussion of sports is usually safe bonding territory, as I actually get more out of the female friendship described above.

In fact, it is a great pleasure to discuss feelings and life situations with a man who feels comfortable doing so - it gives another perspective and allows reflection on one's own situation.

As for the ridiculous set of "man-date" situations - why should two men together FEAR beeing seen as gay? I think this is absurd - what's WRONG with being gay and WHY SHOULD I CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK?

In any case, for those of you who don't know me, I'm straight (sorry, G, still that way ) and I've:

been to galleries with a man
shared dinner with a man
shared a bottle of wine with a man
shared a double bed with a man (yes, just sleep )
cooked dinner for a man (I do so regularly with good friends who come round for the evening to "hang out" - and they return the favour)

I'm sure there are more examples but I feel really sad for the men in the article that they can't just be men with men and not worry that they should be "dating" all the time.

I've done all the above with female friends who were not "girlfriends", too, come to think of it.

The American obsession with the "date" is something which I fail to understand. In fact, as I was away last weekend (with my oldest male friend, 3 days skiing - including dinner but no hand-holding!!!) I remembered an American female friend arguing that, if you are not careful, you end up "dating your friends".

I find the concept absurd - I'd rather spend time with the friends I've known for years and who I care about second only to my family, than some random date with a woman I've just met and don't know at all. A special woman who I really feel for is another matter...(glad I've recently found one of those )!!!

Maybe I'm distinctly "metro", even by UK standards, but I still don't understand the fear of 2 men enjoying each others' company in a non-sexual manner.

KP

I hate signals as it usually means it could be said in words making it much clearer.


As for everything else, I agree with kitchenpete.