Need your opinion on new family situation

Best to know what you're talking about before you spew bullshit.

8) No personal attacks
No personal attacks on other members. Heated arguments are okay; mudslinging and calling each other names is not. It’s not okay when done in response to attacks on you or others either; please just report and downvote the offending comment instead. (If you feel provoked by offending comments, you can also use the "ignore user" function.) Creating topics specifically to criticize or mock another individual member is definitely not okay. Neither are specific or credible threats to other members.

Calling into question the qualifications of respondents is also part of the rules. But you skirted that as well.

When was I not civil?
This is the difference between my culture and yours!
Mine is thousands years old. With thousands of years of wisdom. With my own elders, who have their opinion on the situation as well...
This was the reason why I posted my dilemma here. I wanted advice from INTELLIGENT opponents. What it is turned to - shows me enough about your culture. Attack, insult and pressure - this is your tactic and it works for you. Great!
I have to take your opinion on my situation into consideration? By the way you handle it - NOT AT ALL!!

So which culture that is thousands of years old is yours?

Culture where we don't insult people. WE ARE RESPECTFUL TO EACH OTHER.
You are not it

Well, Guest11, you are almost correct.
Yes, the girl is with the father and his side of the family majority of the time. 80/20 kind of deal, even more, although through court they have 50/50 custody. He agreed to that because he feels that he will influence girl more this way, as his ex's choices in life are not what good father wants for his daughter.
Yes, the biological mother busy with her own life. When she shows up, we are always give her priority. When he needs something to be reviewed with her - it is always one sided, only convenient to ex's needs. She is not considerate of his needs at all.
Back in the summer, I have been told by his mother that "if you want us (family) to tolerate you, you have to":
1. Never touch my man in presence of the mother or ex (this makes them both uncomfortable)
2. Never tell the stories in presence of ex of something we did with my man, his daughter and my daughter
3. She sees us as a difficult triangle and I will always be the other woman
4. When joining family for family celebrations I have to sit on my hands and bite my tongue because mother of my man wants her family functions to be spent in congenial atmosphere

This all came from the day when my man and I came to help his mother at her house. Ex appeared unannounced, and I had told the story of from our travels (by child's request) and touched my man when we got up from backyard table. We went to do our chores at his mother's instead of socializing with his ex. My prospective mother in law was offended

Geez, that lady sure doesn't like you very much. How do you plan on repairing that?

This is what made me not want to go there. I honestly tried prior to that conversation.

I his mother's opinion, he was supposed to stay alone for a while, concentrating on upbringing his girl by himself, but he went and found me...

I have introduced him to my family 6 month after we got together and they welcomed him with open hearts. "Welcome to the family" - this is what my mother and step-father said to him.
I think he was ecstatic after such treatment and decided to introduce me to his mother shortly thereafter... At our first meeting she waited until he stepped out briefly and said: "He thinks he is with you for a long time, and I am not so convinced". My response to her was "time will tell"...

There were multiple conflicting situations created by his mother when I was trying to join. The first was picture taking at Easter.
I was invited. We had lunch. Then family wanted pictures. They all stood in front of me, and I was asked to take picture of them. With ex who was openly laughing in my face. I took pictures. I was CIVIL. I cried to my man that evening.... PRIVATELY.

Second was for memorial day when my man and I wanted to visit my family who lives long distance. His mother told us that his family has a tradition (he was surprised!) to celebrate at HIS place. I had to host it and invite his ex to what is now my place as well (part-time, but still!). My man did not allow that. We still didn't go to visit with my family, stayed for their "tradition", but it was hosted by his mother at her place (my fiancee was adamant about this).

My man since had a few conversations with his mother. Told her he loves me and that he wants to marry me. He asked her to change her attitude towards me and welcome me to the family. If you read above, she changed her tactics. I am now welcome. As all inclusive. But I still have to "sit on my hands and bite my tongue, although not to hard, as it may bleed" - her latest towards me.

Again, my man and I are almost fifty. We both could be grand-parents by our age. I feel that I deserve respect by default, as anyone should be treated with respect. If his mother can't stand me, I can't change that. If she chooses her first daughter in law as her most important one - well... this is her choice.
And knowing all this you will still tell me that I have to bite the bullet? and go there? Sit on my hands and not touch my man? Be split at the table, as "we split couples, this is not a bid deal to us", and be sitted directly across from the ex, smile and pretend I am cool with all?

Are you asking if your needs outweigh the needs of a minor child?

No, I am not asking

Do you think it is possible that the root cause of the problem is residing more around the way you got treated by that family and less around the fact the ex is present there? May be if his family was tactful and kind - the situation would feel much less awkward and uncomfortable? You don't need to answer, this is just for your thoughts.

In the King James Version of the Bible the text reads: Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast. ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them. under their feet, and turn again and rend you.