Writing Was Everthing

Lady, the way you categorise, generalise and stereotype, I wouldn't give you friggin' time of day.

Plainoldme, you have said it all by saying you are "not certain" when you broke up with your last boyfriend. That is the definition of a codependent relationship. If you can't seee how unhealthy your behavior was, it is all too plain to the rest of us...

Amen

This man has no intention of committing himself to anyone

misti,
I am not certain what the reference is here. Do you mean my former boyfriend? I know that. Which is why I have broken off that relationship, three years ago! He continues to call. Continues to suggest we go to movies or out to dinner together. That's not love.
I should say this is a man who has no social life other than that which the woman he is currently seeing provides. He does have a family and while he claims to be close to his younger sister, on the one occassion we had dinner together, asked me many questions about her brother that surprised me as the questions revealed a total lack of intimacy.

Note those words: total lack of intimacy.

One of the reasons why people sometimes do not commit is their inability to be intimate with another.


eh beth,
Like you, I thought that a man who does not have children may present a simpler situation. He has fewer emotional ties and less baggage...at least, less baggage of a sort.
My former boyfriend came into my life when my kids were 16, 14 and 9. He provided some excellent fathering to the older two but had conflicts with the youngest. That is hardly unusual as he is a difficult person. The older kids eventually turned away from him because as they came to know him better, they discovered he is basically immature.

At this point, I would like to caution larry richette that I have not said he is immature.

Wilso,
For some reason, I have the impression you are a woman.
I really don't know why you would call me an airhead but you are totally wrong. I could conjecture here but that would be as misguided as your shoot from the hip insult to me is.
Were you to walk a mile in my shoes, well, you couldn't and we'll leave it at that.

My larger question, is why isn't anyone giving me credit for dealing with my situation with my former boyfriend in a mature and reasonable manner?
He calls me at least twice a week and claims that I will never have a better relationship than I had with him. As I have said, intellectually it was good and sexually it was amazing. There were problems that I suggested solutions for. He never wanted to do anything to solve them, then accused me of holding an it's-my-way-or-the-highway position. If some of you ... Wilso and larry richette in particular ... look at what has developed here (surprisingly!!!), you should be able to see that you are being unfair. Think of how many people end relationship rather quickly for slight reasons! And, no, I have not told all of the details of the problems and I won't, but I have told enough to make my case.

Plainoldme, you have said it all by saying you are "not certain" when you broke up with your last boyfriend. That is the definition of a codependent relationship. If you can't seee how unhealthy your behavior was, it is all too plain to the rest of us...

What the hell are you talking about? I am not certain because I don't know what day it was...or what month! Codependent!!! My gawd!!!

There is nothing unhealthy about working on a relationship. Relationships ARE work.

Larry, if you talk to women in this way, it is no wonder no one stays with you.

Plainoldme, I am proud to say that many of my ex-girlfriends are still close friends, which proves that they still esteem me as a person even after the romance part of the relationshipe ended.

I guess this is also proof that at over 40 I am not worthy of a relationship?

larry,
Although remaining friends with your ex-girlfriends -- and the word friend is, of course, subject to interpretation -- could mean those women still esteem you as a person, the continued contact with you could mean several other things, including:
1.) They feel sorry for you;
2.) You don't give them any space to leave;
3.) They don't care one way or the other, in other words, they are completely neutral toward you;
4.) They believe in maintaining friendships with exes.
5.) You work in the same field and they either
A.) will work with you some time in the future and they have no wish to make life difficult for themselves;
B.) would like to keep open the possibility of using you as a job reference.
6.) They are relieved the 'serious' relationship is over.

Now, don't do the thing you have been doing on this thread and take umbrage. I thought these things up in less than the time it took to type them and would have given them in response to anyone who asked the same question.

Personally, seeing ex-boyfriends always made me uncomfortable and I hated the times when I had to introduce an ex to a current.

BTW, When you think about it, the fact that I don't know the exact day that I broke up with my former boyfriend is more likely to mean that the break up was of so little consequence to me that I didn't make note of when it happened! LOL!

Plainoldme, I would only take umbrage with a woman who had a brain in her head. You don't qualify.

To repeat what Wilso said: Lady, the way you categorize, generalize, and stereotype, I wouldn't give you the time of day. I also wouldn't urinate on you if you were on fire.

Gee, I wonder if perhaps an able wordsmith might not be able to convey that sentiment a bit less graphiclally, and with a tad less objectionable perjoration. Care to give it a shot, anyone?

How about this, timberlandko:

I wouldn't micturate on you if someone incinerated you, plainoldme.

Well, Larry, a scholar's vocabulary is a start. I admit I got a chuckle out of that. Now, if you could work a bit on evidencing a gentleman's attitude, great progress will have been made.

You are obviously well read and thoughtful. Your contributions frequently are witty, pointed, and serve well to advance the discussions in which you participate. Please try to bear in mind that

#1) This Forum Has Rules of Behavior ... which you frequently strain.


#2) Some folks' skins are thinner than others', and you frequently come off as hurtful, mean and vindictive


#3) This is supposed to be a fun place. Its getting to be unfun to continually receive PMs re concern with your behavior.

Normally, I'd serve this sort of message to a member via PM. In this case, I think other folks need to know what is going on. You're good to have around, Larry, but you sure are high-maintainence. Cost-benefit analysis can be awfully cold hearted.

Just FYI, partner, I'm about the only champion you've got among the staff here. I want to see you stick around. Please make that possible.


thanks.

Timberlandko:

If you want to ban me, ban me, but be aware that every time I have attacked someone it has been IN RESPONSE to a personal attack by that person--in the present discussion, plainoldme is the guilty party, as you would see if you read the entire discussion from start to finish. You say I come off as"hurtful, mean, and vindictive"-- that's amazing considering that I have never started a negative exchange, although I may have finished a few. I refuse to take abuse from people on A2K, like plainoldme, and I don't see why a) I should have to and b) I should be singled out as some uniquely negative presence.

If you read the "Pynchon and Other Overrated Writers" discussion you will see that I was the innocent victim of other people's abuse. I resent being publicly spanked by you, Timberlandko. As I said, if you want to ban me, ban me, but have no illusions that I am some uniquely negative person whose expulsion will solve all problems on A2K.

Timberlandko:

I have decided after reading your message that A2K is more trouble than it is worth--a bunch of people who take themselves way too seriously and don't have much of interest to say anyway. So I am going to recuse myself from the forums. This should satisfy you and all those who allegedly deluge you with compliants about me. The collective IQ of the forums is about to plummet, but I doubt that will bother you.

Time to calm down, okay?

I don't care who starts these things. It truly does not matter one whit to me.

I remind all members - not one, but all - that their remedy is to contact a Moderator if they're having trouble or feel put upon. Yes, contact a Moderator. We then do our best to do something about it, and get all parties to calm down. It's in everyone's best interests for this to be a smooth-running, pleasant site where everyone feels welcome.

Giving what you get is not the answer. The Moderators exist, in part, to be advocates for calm and peacefulness, and for respect among members. But we need to know from you exactly what the problems are. We can't possibly know how anyone feels about anything until and unless you tell us. Plus, we are looking all over this site; not just in this particular forum. Put the problem under our noses by sending us a PM about it. We will do our best to solve the problem.

Calls for banning rarely solve anything. Let's use the tweezers rather than the sledge hammer, okay?

We look forward to hearing from you.

Oh, crap!!! Which means oh dear.

I am back by popular demand. Piffka sent me a Private Message pleading with me to reconsider and not leave A2K permanently, so I have decided to return. I do pledge, however, to be more gentle in my comments in the future. Jespah's point is well taken that giving what you get is NOT the answer!

Good for you , Larry. You would have been missed in this corner of the a2k world at least.

Glad to see it, Larry. And if it appeared to you I was overbearing, I'll grant I offered cause for that perception. I promise I'll try to be nicer too. Lets hope we both fulfill our intentions.