What do you do when a spouse tries to monitor all you eat and do?

If you feel you have to lie to your husband about what you eat, I think you have bigger problems. Working out every day is probably not productive and certainly something you should not suddenly start without working up to it.
Hopefully, you can tell him to back off and he will take the hint.

I pretty much did that - but in nicer terms. I am joking about the lying. I am 55 and get sick and hurt less than my husband and two daughters that is the ironic part. Their medical bills are so high and I cannot remember the last time that I had to pay anything medically for me as wellness and preventive visits are free.

I typically work out 3 times a week. I guess my expectations are realistic - to be overall healthy and fit; not to be a model. I realize I am 55 and I am not going to have the same body as I had at 25 but if I am fit and healthy I am happy in my own skin.

I guess I just don't understand why someone would freak out about having a small portion even if it was crap food - which I didn't think my dish was terrible for me. Usually I am the type I can just ignore stupid comments but for some reason it just irked me today.

you know - this is one of things that has always struck me about you. You're comfortable with you and that impressed me from the start.

Is your husband as happy with the mmmm maturing process? It sounds like something is out of his control and he's choosing to work on that by taking care of / controlling your health.

Is there a way you can nicely call him out on that and encourage him to focus on taking care of himself (the house/the car/his job - things that aren't you) while letting him know that you appreciate that he loves you and wants you to be healthy. It's a bit of a tight rope.

Is he concerned about someone else's health? something going on in his circle?

I can't imagine Set being interested in meals I eat when we're not together. I certainly have never had any real interest in his meals - though in our very early days, I did use them as conversational ice-breakers.

aren't there more interesting things to talk about than what you ate? I can't even really imagine my lunch being part of a conversation with a partner unless it was something super super super exciting (yup - can't even imagine that really)

Is husband on a diet? If so, he might have felt intimidated when you told him you had pasta. Pissed ‘cause he can’t gave that.

When did this “ reporting” of your food intake to each other begin and why?

He asks quite frequently what I ate. Sometimes he gets upset because I haven't eaten much. I have never been much of a breakfast person so sometimes I even skip breakfast - I know it is the "most important" meal of the day - but I don't like much breakfast foods and am not usually hungry in the morning - my girls are like that too.

I never ask him - just figure you are a grown adult and can make your own decisions. He never goes to wellness visits and I always do and I do all the normal preventive stuff that is suggested. He doesn't. But he is a big boy so I don't say anything.

But on the side of someone else - yeah his mom is sick quite frequently she has breathing issues along the lines of asthma where when there is alot of pollen she ends up in the hospital. He always talks to her about eating the right foods and things like that to her and how that can help you feel better.

I am not 100% sure. He seems happy with his body in general, but I could the "maturing" process. He talks about how he wants to be active in retirement, etc.

I think he is seeing his mom and his step dad - and also a second family of his - dad figure who is aging. In part this dad figure retired and does not know what do with himself and in the past year was diagnosed with Parkinson. My husband is convinced if he just goes out more this father figure will feel better. It seems all he does is sit at home and watch TV.

He lives across country and we went to visit him. Seems he has good and bad days. We got him out a bit and he seemed to enjoy himself. He also had days where he got unreasonable and cranky. He also would tire quickly.

I think it is hard for my husband to see this once strong and independent man needing more help. Again I do not think my husband is reasonable on his expectations - I agree that he should get out more, but do not think he is as capable of doing things that my husband thinks he can and his expectations that simply changing your diet will have a miracle effect.

So yeah - now that you mention it these things could definitely be weighing on his mind. Not to mention that he cannot control what is happening to these people he cares deeply for.

He is not on a diet.

He called me just during the day to say hi. And then which is not unusual asked me what I had for lunch - for some this question would seem like conversation, but for him it is to get info - he wants to make sure I ate whatever food is healthy and nothing else. "because as we get older are diet is more important...."

When has this reporting began - I would say within the last year or so. But it has increased more and more recently.

I'll give him my dad's phone number. My dad is in a retirement residence and LOVES nothing more than to talk about the meals he has had to eat for the last couple of days and how many minutes he is allowed to use the cross-trainer now

There’s nothing at all wrong with what you ate (small portion of pasta and broccoli 🥦). Tortellini has protein, calcium though it is higher in carbs but is comfort food. Not crap food at all.

He’s projecting his dietary/nutritional and absence of exercise failings onto you. Some pushback is appropriate. “Physician, heal thyself . His fears about what’s going on with his family aging process is getting the better of him; however, that’s no excuse for giving you a hard time.

Disclaimer: Probably an unhealthy way to combat the issue....

I'd go the the Hostess Outlet store and buy out the hoho's, twinkies, ding dongs and those awful, nasty sno balls that come in select colors for holidays and stock every nook and cranny of every cupboard in the house.

Then sit in front of the tv and have a feast for dinner for three days straight.

If he dared to open his mouth about it, then so will I...dripping a melted chocolately mess down my shirt just to shut him up.

Seriously, I'm an adult. I'll eat what I want, when I want, how I want.

Ha ha I like your thinking. I think you might be twisted a bit like myself. Stuff like that has crossed my mind. But why harm myself with eating junk I would not eat otherwise.

I agree I am an adult and will treat myself as such and even have said that....come on I am 55 years old my doctor says I am healthy and to keep doing what I am doing, I am capable of making my own decisions.

I think my friend Beth here made a point there is something underlying this and more his lack of control on helping close family members with serious medical issues...those that may or may not have been avoidable by healthy lifestyles and he is worried about it happening to anyone else.

At least that make sense to me and at least it is easier for me to have patience with if I can understand why the obsession .

I guess my issue with it is that you're getting treated like you aren't capable of handling your health. The little snippets of unneeded comments get shot at you like he can control what you put in your mouth. It makes you second guess yourself and it really sounds more like gaslighting than actual concern for your health.

I agree, it's probably more directed at others than it is at you. Having said that, it IS being directed at YOU. And you allow it to not only to continue but foster it as well.

I don't agree. If he can't come at you like your HUSBAND instead of a controlling jerk, then, yeah, I'd go down the Candy Lane Highway.

In a heart beat.

Sometimes just a little push back can work wonders. Every body has a style and you know your husband better than any one here....but if my husband started to quiz me about my lunch, (half the time I probably wouldn't remember) I think i'd first say: Yogurt, no wait, that was breakfast....oh shoot, I'm blanking.... no, no, WAIT!! I did have yogurt at lunch..Chiobani Mango, yep, yep, thats right, I love Mango...what did you have Sweetie?

I'm not sure if this is something you would find works for you ....but my husband always opens the bills first (not a problem for me) but for several statements he would look at the statement and with an edge of disapproval would ask "did you spend $300 at Nordstroms"? I would look at the statement and think for a minute, I would remember, then say, yes...I bought those towels we needed. After one to many times being quizzed it started to really annoy me but its went on for over 6 or 7 statements with me responding 'Oh shoes, Oh the dress for the wedding or oh it must be the blender I bought. But then this one day I'm up to my elbows cleaning shrimp and he asks "Did you spend $500 at Macy's...... , I looked at the statement..looked shocked and then said "Did you spend $345 at Home Depot?", He rolled his eyes and said 'alright'. (only a tiny amount of steam rising from his head)

The thing is, he really doesn't care I spend money (especially since our individual income is practically identical) I suspect a teensy little bit of him 'a tiny little bit' thinks he might not be in charge, but we both know that ship sailed 40 years ago, we agreed we would be equal partners. Neither one of us would bring home a new car, or contract for expensive remodeling, sizable purchases are always discussed...........but I'm not going to call about buying a new purse or shoes and he doesn't call to see if I think it's ok for him to buy a new pair of shoes.

I know it's not a dealbreaker that he wants to know what you had for lunch, but see if you can't cajole him out of the habit. I'm not saying lie or deceive just find out what is worrying him so much about diet.

Wondering if he has been thinking more about death and maybe is fearful and especially fearful of losing you?

Possible responses:

Why do you ask?”

“Is there s reason you need to know that?”

“Don’t worry, I am taking care of my diet.”

“What did YOU have?”

“If you ask me that one more time, I’m going to wonder if you ate junk food.”

And of course, “let’s not talk about that. It makes me feel you want control over every part of my life.”

Yeah I can see that working how you handled it. I am the type that grabs whatever is easy fron the fridge for lunch when I go in the office. I only go in a couple of days a week so I don't always plan. And often don't think too hard abouit. So how you say it makes for me ... meaning that does sound likely wait I grabbed a yogurt and granola ... yeah that's right.

Thanks some of those responses would work...some would cause more problems cause him to be defensive. I have before told him I took care of myself for over 30 years before I met you and was successful.

Though as self satisfying as saying something like that in moment feels good, it really accomplishes nothing.

It could be.., with a couple of close people having medical issues he probably wants to prevent it.