I'm so excited. Lookey what my mom bought for me

Magus commented:



Now I'm a woman who refused to buy a new street dress for her first wedding and was married the second time in blue jeans.

I don't know where Joa's dress was sewn--but I'm willing to bet that whatever the country the seamstress is feeding her family.

Gather ye symbols where ye may
Joa's entitled to a wedding day.

Granted the prophetic tradition is "Woe and woe and whoa". I only wish that the wedding ceremony involved a conspicuous display of what the groom was giving up to become part of one flesh.

Er, I wore a black tux skirt suit, on sale at Sak's, for $75.00, yes, with nylons and 4" spike heels, and he wore a white suit, ala John Travolta, to our minute wedding with six people including the jp. I cooked that weekend, for the 40 people we had over that Sunday. Good time had by all. I went to work on Monday.

So, I don't begrude people having fancy weddings, though I think Joa's is not in the heavy fancy ballpark. Some of the multiply extravagant ones do make me angry, but not this particular wedding, at all.

Wow! Such a very beautiful dress

Also, most of the weight brides lose before their wedding has little to do with dieting. Stress and lack of time to sit down and eat contribute much much more. I lost 18 lbs without trying.

that's okay. i understand where everyone is coming from.


mr. j will be wearing this:

it's called an army mess uniform. i think it's hawt hawt.

Sorry, guys, but I think $1800 and upwards for a dress that gets worn once is frivolous.
My opinion is not taken to rain on anybody's parade or to demolish anybody's Barbie Dream Day...
Heck, I don't mind a little frivolity.
I'd just rather see the newlyweds (and their parents) get some real value for their money.

I've seen people go deeply into debt to create their fantasies for a day...

At my half-century mark, I've been to many weddings and seen a lot of Wedding Gowns... and note that at least a third of those marriages seem to have dissolved over financial issues.

One of the most memorable weddings I have ever attended was between a young man of modest means from a working class family and the "only" daughter of a successful local grocery retailer.
The Bride, at the behest of her mother, extended the engagement period an extra year just to plan... The Wedding.
The best hall, the best caterers, prettiest church in town (not the parish church of either party... but the most photogenic church).
Three weekends in Manhattan just to select and purchase The Gown.


Somehow the whole affair turned into a test of the bride's mom's showmanship and of her ability to facilitate her only daughter's dream of being Queen For A Day.

The quest for idyllic Perfection took some strange turns... the groom's somewhat homely Best Friend was relegated to Usher status while a more photogenic casual acquaintance was selected for the "Best Man" (can't have a troll centerstage in the Wedding Photos, now, can we?).

The Couple even bought an impressive new car (that they couldn't afford) because the bride didn't want to be photographed in a 4-yr-old Toyota.

Cut to the chase... two years later the divorce was final, the car repoed, the groom and the bride's father both declared bankruptcy.
Ex-bride is now a Paralegal dating a lawyer (they're getting engaged once his divorce is finalized).
Ex-Groom is getting Counseling.

Bottom line: a Wedding is only a day, a Marriage is much more... don't lose perspective.
Know your limits.

Upwardly Mobile Fairy Tale Princesses are very expensive to maintain.

100% agree with you here.

However......We wanted our day to be as perfect as we felt it should be. I wanted it to reflect how I felt about my groom. I didn't spend $1800 on a dress. In fact, we were pretty frugal in lots of areas but it still cost us $12,000 for the wedding.

This stuff may not be important to you and that's fine. But it's important to some people and that should be ok as well.

i do not believe i stated how much the dress cost. not to say that there were things my mother paid for that were more than she should have (i tried to convince her it would be half price on ebay).

my dress, fyi, was $900 (before discount) = $700 after discount
but tiara, slip, bra, veil made it a TAD over 1,000 (1,130 to be exact) ...each of those items were 15% off, which is why we went to David's Bridal the day we did

i tried very hard for my mom to get me the dress that was 500 (BEFORE discount). she was not having it.


this is the normal average for a dress. even considered on the low end nowadays. i also went to what is known as one of the cheapest places to buy a gown in austin. there are numerous places that do not have dresses under 1,000.


I am not in this category, but if someone has the money to spend 30,000 on the wedding of their dreams ...then for me, I say go for it. Some other people may only spend 7,000 on their entire wedding and it be the same amount budgeted as the family who made more and spent 30,000+.

To insinuate my wedding is frivolous is not fair when you don't know the facts or me.

sorry, edited a few times for spelling

Your wedding is not frivilous joa. It's your day. Do what you want with it.

And $700 for a wedding dress is a bargain! WOW!
Especially THAT dress!!!

Geez, I can hardly believe it...you have such good taste, and you're frugal, too! (BTW, "frugal" means getting good value for your money, folks, not being cheap.) Your fiance is a very lucky guy to be getting you. And you're gonna knock his socks off when he sees you in that dress, joa! I hope your wedding is everything you always wanted it to be.

Oh please, don't make Jo's special day now into something
that's frivolous and the money would be spent better onto
something else.

It is her special day and she can celebrate any way she
wants to. Even if her dress would have cost 4000 Dollar, who
are we to judge?

We're invited to congratulate her and compliment her
on her beautiful dress. Any negative thoughts, please keep
to yourself. It's your experience, not hers!

Wow, it took a wedding dress to bring out Jane's feisty side. Come on folks, this is a forum not a chat line. All persuasions are open to debate, no one need be excluded. Besides, knowing Jo; she's capable of holding her own in a debate.

so shes getting married? Does she have a dress yet?

:-)

One thing I loved about my wedding was the ritual and tradition of it. We tweaked and skewed and left things out, but it was still one of the few rituals left that every guest, of varied religions, was intimately familiar with. That kind of group ritual has been found to be very important for both individuals and society (Joseph Campbell), and it is to our detriment that there are so few left.

Of course there's excess, but knock the excess, not the ritual. And a pillar of this modern ritual is the dress.

Nice touch: Campbell

Are you criticizing me for giving my opinion panzade?

No, I think he was complimenting you.

At least, I would have taken it that way.

Calmity Jane--

I assumed it was a respectful compliment. Pan's got an old-fashioned gallant streak, much appreciated by those of us over 50.

"The Wedding" is the vestigial remnants of the Ritual Transfer of Chattel/Property.
The Gown and Veil are manifestations of the same voluminous yardage used to obscure Muslim women... a Burkha that you have entered into as willingly as any Afghani woman... in deference to "Tradition".

But don't let that interfere with your celebration of that Special Day... you don't get to be Princess every day, yknow.

Magus, I'm curious, are you just against weddings in general, then?

(And no, that's not accurate re: origins of the wedding dress -- its volume changes with fashions, and it wasn't even white/ anything other than the nicer end of what a person would normally wear until less than 100 years ago.)