How was it for you?..... The first time I mean.

Try wrote:

"I bid you adieu, and return betwixt a rock and a hard place, for I am a sinner."

Don't go.

"I am a sinner"

Oh, my word! Who put the ?'g' so close to the ?'n'? I of course
meant, ?'Singer'.

Trickedturtletteagain wrote:

"I am a sinner"

Oh, my word! Who put the ?'g' so close to the ?'n'? I of course
meant, ?'Singer'."

That's quite a tune you belted out!...wait a minute, do you mean 'Singer' as in sewing machines?

Are you in stitches laughing at me? I don't mind if you are [size=7]<rolls wide eyes at self>[/size]

You are the trickiest...<thinking of a word that will fit>...you know what! that I have ever...amm...had dialect with.

Turtlette, alias; Li'l Turtle: a.k.a. PJ wrote, "...thing's aren't always what they appear to be...ahm,"

You Canadians do make I laugh.

"That's quite a tune you belted out!...wait a minute, do you mean 'Singer' as in sewing machines?"

I was going to say, "A well oiled sowing machine". You are way ahead of the game, far too cute.

"I...had dialect with."

Who did you…with? If I remember correctly, they were the critters sent to earth in a Dr Who movie.
Remember the old saying, ?'hold your domino' :wink:

Trya2kforpresident wrote:

"If I remember correctly, they were the critters sent to earth in a Dr Who movie."

I was under the influence, I swear!

"Remember the old saying, ?'hold your domino' "

Hold your domino...and let it be counted!

You know who, (but I have no idea) wrote:

I was under the influence"

Under whose influence? Are we talking Paris again? The scoundrel.

Did you attend the Boston A2K gathering, that so appalled one of our younger and therefore more impressionable members?


"Hold your domino...and let it be counted!"

After a checkered life, I'm a nobody, and as we all know, nobody is perfect. Check mate!




Or is it? :wink:

Tryagain wote:

"Did you attend the Boston A2K gathering, that so appalled one of our younger and therefore more impressionable members? "

No, I did not attend the gathering...I was to busy being a recluse! -
<shakes head at self>



"After a checkered life, I'm a nobody,( <--i think not! ) and as we all know, nobody is perfect. Check mate!"

<stares at above comment real hard, squints mind you! I even perform a quote search because I almost have an idea, but can't seem to put my king in the right spot...brain has flatlined,...I capi..capitullll...capitulate, ouch! (brain cramps, [size=7]more like pride,[/size] hurt!)>

"Or is it?" :wink:

Yeeees it is...happy? <---that made sense when I first wrote it. <shrugs>

Tricky Dixie wrote:
"No, I did not attend the gathering...I was to busy being a recluse! -"

Tell me about it: Yesterday I went to visit a recluse. As I was sitting there talking with her, I notice a bowl of peanuts sitting on the table in front of me. "Do you mind if I have a few peanuts?" I asked the lady.

"Help yourself," she replies.

After about an hour, I get up to leave and notice that I have eaten almost all of the peanuts in the bowl. I apologize to the lady. "I only meant to eat a few."

"That's okay," says the lady, "Since I've lost my teeth, all I've been able to do is suck the chocolate off of them."

"...happy? <---that made sense when I first wrote it."

Not:

Little Kathy was in the back yard, filling in a hole, when I peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing I politely asked, "What are you up to, Kathy?"

"My goldfish died," the child replied tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

I was so moved by the little girl's emotion. "Oh, I'm so sorry," I said. "But that's an awfully big hole for a little goldfish, isn't it honey?"

Kathy patted down the last of the earth and replied "That's because he's inside your f***** cat."

Try wrote:

"Help yourself," she replies.

"Since I've lost my teeth, all I've been able to do is suck the chocolate off of them."

...happy? Not:

I wouldn't be to happy about that myself! Recluse people sure are colorful folks aren't they?

Just for the record...I'm no peanut sucker!... I am a bit quirky, but not like that!

Microwaved a digital camera? Well....no.

<LOL>

It's not to late, you're still young!

What happened to the great story about cooking the camera? It was here earlier. My reply doesn't make any sense now.

New name wrote, "Just for the record...I'm no peanut, sucker!"

Ouch, I sure walked into that ?'sucker' punch.








Quite right Eva. I think Li'l Turtle is practising to be a sub editor. I spend half my life replying to posts that no longer appear. So now, I get them ?'cashed'.


Although I could not find the original, I do have one from Australia:


"I have two brothers (i'll call them Tom and Jerry). Jerry sit's at a computer with a camera pointed at him, he chats on a website I find, amm, (girls expose themselves for fun, he chats with 18+ women, but some of them are married). In the course of any given day, a family member in my house can be possibly viewed just by walking past the camera.

I wanted to put an end to the camera viewing activity without starting a family feud, but how? Hmm, (evil twin in me alert!) If I threw the camera away that would be to obvious, so, I decided to 'hinder' the cameras ability, and not get caught, put the camera back, act like nothing happened if questioned. How does one 'hinder' a perfectly good camera? Easy, so I thought.

Plan A.

When no one is looking, disassemble the camera and 'adjust' a resister or capacitor, maybe scratch a landing connection or two, but this camera was not made to be disassembled, I couldn't get the darn thing apart!

Plan B.

Need to 'hinder' internal mechanisms without the luxury of being able to take the camera apart.
Side note: Walking across a room, especially during the winter months can build up enough of a charge (electro static discharge) to zap a capacitor, thus 'hindering' the function of any sensitive computer part.

With that being said...I decided to put the camera in the microwave, thus causing an internal 'hinderance' but leaveing the outside intact. I cooked it for 2 seconds (what a light show)...zappy zappy zing!

I got more than I bargained for, the charge ran through the cable and melted 2 spots and left exposed wire. So I'm standing in the kitchen staring at the bare wire... what could I do, I hooked it back up to the computer and went on my merry way.

Later on, I started feeling guilty for cooking said camera, (it is not like me to purposely 'hinder' other peoples belonging's, but I couldn't help myself, my evil twin was doing the thinking!)

Long story short, the angel in me ratted on myself! I told my brother Tom I cooked the camera, and why. (For the most part, my family members just stare at me and shake their heads).

So now I had to 'right' my 'wrong', and replace the camera. I gave Jerry $80 to go get a new one. Nothing has changed except Jerry has a brand new camera in which to partake in the same activities he was doing before I decided to 'alter' thing's."


"Have you ever done that?"




Before passing judgement, I had better check out the web cam, in the name of justice you understand. In the meantime may I suggest you plead the 5th.

"Have you ever done that?"

Oh sure, fried camera obscurer is a favorite dish in these here parts. Mind you, if this just between ourselves:

I have six brothers and a stepsister who is working her way thro Harvard.
Well, we had our suspicions that she was not whiter than white, as she always left in the afternoon all dressed up, if you know what I mean.

Then last Friday, some of the guys took me out, and after a few drinks said they has a surprise for me to celebrate my birthday. To cut to the chase they tied and gagged me and took me to a whorehouse. Yes, you guessed it the girl who walked in was my stepsister. She could not recognise me thro all the bonds. The more I struggled the more she got on with...zappy zappy zing! In truth, I could not resister.

After she left, I got free and left via the window. Now, my problem is what do I do? I'm not Happy, you understand, but should I tell the others?

Eva wrote:

"What happened to the great story about cooking the camera? It was here earlier. My reply doesn't make any sense now."

Confession of a turtlette. Because my stories are true and a bit 'different', after posting, a feeling of uncomfortable uniqueness set's in, which leads me back to the edit option. I can't help it. I don't alway's erase, just sometimes. Sorry.


"Quite right Eva. I think Li'l Turtle is practising to be a sub editor. I spend half my life replying to posts that no longer appear. So now, I get them ?'cashed'. "

Lil' Turtle is a lil' shy at times, it's part of my charm.


Try wrote:

"After she left, I got free and left via the window. Now, my problem is what do I do? I'm not Happy, you understand, but should I tell the others?" "May I suggest you plead the 5th."

O.K., no more obscure stories from me, I shall button my lip! :wink:

Li'l Turtle wrote, "after posting, a feeling of uncomfortable uniqueness set's in."



I'll Drink to That!

Yesterday I went into a local bar and saw a good looking, smartly dressed woman sitting on a barstool. I walked up behind her and said, "Hi there, how's it going?"

Having already had a few drinks, she turns around, faces me, looks me straight in the eye and says, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter."

I said, "No kidding, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with…?


"O.K., no more obscure stories from me, I shall button my lip!"

My, my, that will never do! Those wonderful stories are my only link with reality. Well, that and ?'tales from the farm'.

Try wrote:

"My, my, that will never do! Those wonderful stories are my only link with reality. Well, that and ?'tales from the farm'."

My stories are so silly, I have one that I've been thinking about telling for almost a year. It's about a conversation I had with a policeman,..he asked me a question and I told him the truth, that conversation went from bad to worse SO quickly! eeeew. For the most part I didn't do anything wrong, my crime was, I wasn't paying attention, sort of. I can't bring myself to tell it, it won't come out. It's hilarious though, or at least it is now. The policeman wa screaming at me, ouch. He asked me a question and then would repeat my answer LOUDLY as if in disbelief

I was being innocent and honest with my answers and it made him nutty/insane.

One of these day's I will tell it. :wink:

Li'l Turtle wrote, "The policeman was screaming at me"




Things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over:


I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.


Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.



"One of these day's I will tell it"

Is today, ?'one of those days '


Now, if you are looking for a storey to beat, ?'WW2 bomber found on the moon'. One that will completely blow your mind, then sit back and get a load of this.


(Mode delete - legal considerations)










Wow, was that hot or what! You could make millions from that.

Try wrote:


"Things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over:

Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job."

cute!

I think I'll make some up.

I can't beleive you finally caught me...your're not a dumb as you look!

I know why you pulled me over, you want me to buy a ticket to the policeman's ball. What's that you said, policeman don't have balls? (i didn't make that one up)

"Why were you weaving mam?" "It isn't easy trying to roll a joint and steer at the same time you know, here hold this for me <hands a bag of pot to cop> while I find my brand new stolen license, I can't beleive how much this person looks like me, here look,...what do you think? Carbon copy of me or what?!

"Mam, I don't think this person looks like you at all"

"Does to!"

"No, they don't mam."

"YES, they do!...Open the trunk and have a look for yourself!"

<pops trunk>

"This person is black, you're white!"

<rolls eyes at cop>

"Take the hood off, Einstein"

"Oh yeah, I see what you mean. Look mam, I'm not to bright, I even had to cheat on the simple test they gave me to get this job!...I can't beleive I said that! Look, if I give you a free ticket to the 'Policemans Ball' will you keep your mouth shut?"

"Huh? ya, whatever."

Moral to this story-

If a policeman gives you a ticket, take it and keep your mouth shut!





"Is today, ?'one of those days" '

Yes it is 'one of those day's'... it's thursday and I thought it was friday! (what a space-shot, oopsie daisey!)



Now, if you are looking for a storey to beat, ?'WW2 bomber found on the moon'. One that will completely blow your mind, then sit back and get a load of this.


(Mode delete - legal considerations)



"Wow, was that hot or what! You could make millions from that."



Huh???????????????

Dear Tryagain,

How do you, do that voo-doo, that you do, so well?

Turtlette wrote, "How do you, do that voo-doo, that you do, so well?"

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and...ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

Do you know anyone who has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
I do.
"Voodoo?"
I do.
"You do?"
Yes, I bet voodoo too.

"If a policeman gives you a ticket, take it and keep your mouth shut!"

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?"
"Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long"

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign.
He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?"
I said, "Yeah, but don't believe everything you read" :wink:

"A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and...ooooohhhhhh, that's much better."

I believe you.

Try, how do you keep somenoe in suspense?...