The lousy typist speaks out

For awhile it was apparently bad to post a Letter to the Editor, but now it's apparently okay. Lately they even letcha use abbrs !! To esl's tho: Happy to spell 'tall out fer ye, just hafta ask, I'm real easy, but then it would get awful long

'Nother Open Letter to Software Industry:


Oh all you Sftw Genies: 'possi ble' not only [somehow] short for 'inspiration,' but it's also a missp of 'possible.' which means 'can happen.' How you find it, to start with: yoo get two missp's, 'pos,' and 'sible,' [one right after t'oth'] which I know you can 'gnize as missps !! Then you 'move the space [ ] 'tween…. [1st 's' and 2d 's']. However, now you gotta recheck it 'gin ['cuz then 'f't'still not a word, in some cases, there might be still another missp. Jus' k,new y'c'n ].

[Ooopps, sorry guys, " 'move" 's short for 'remove,' meanin' 'to take away.' ]

['Think Possible and be #Positive,' yew, to DP Ed Steve H. (In-Chief of the finest, our Victorville, Ca Daily Press)]

[Oh, ooh, and Software Speller Fella: No, not '…the finest hour…' The 'h' is 'way up there, up'n to the left'v the ','…]

[And fellas, 'yew' is not only a tree, but a missp of 'yes,' 'cause the 'w' is so close to the 's.' Nono, guys, not zac'ly next to, but above. One of the new 'Requirements,' when you rewrite 'em, is to hire only Speller Programmers who can touch type, so's they'll 'stand this reeally diffi stuff.]

...and guys,,,for Pete sake, 'yoo' is also a missp of 'you,' surely y'k,new that'n' !! And yes, 't's'n Address in Newport Beach, but'so's'n missp of 'knew,' which is past tense of 'know.' [There's an extra "," called 'comma,' there 'tween the 'k' and the 'n.' ]

'If y' still don'stand, I'm [email protected], I'll 'splain 'bout them 'past tenses.' Or y'c'n jus' highlight it. Oh, now d'I hafta 'splain 'highlight' ? [pron 'die,' we'll tel'ya later]? uBt now let's 'cuss typo [get th'pun ?].

Gosh, sorry, guys, but not only is 'uBt' the description, in Russian, of certain websites, but's also just the missp of 'But.'

'N: 'N'I —no, not " 'N'l " (you Software Mavens jus' gotta talk w/ the Typo'Diots)-- but " 'N'I, " short for 'And I,' meaning, 'including me,'..], while "N'I'll"—or "N'll," 'f'ya like-- means 'And, I'll…'

Yes, yes, Sftw Slobs 'VTh'World, I 'lize how diffi all'em puncts !! [So when I write, " 'N,"N'I'll" 's'n…which,' " I'm saying, "And, (the expression) 'And I'll,' is a shortie,' as in "And, 'And I'll' is an expression that's one which I….." ]

….'N'I know 'bout that stupid 'typeface' stuff where their 'l' ['ell' as in 'Lee'] looks just like the 'I' ['eye,' or 'i' ], ['N. 'morn' looks jus' like 'mom,' etc etc etc. Oops, that's short for 'et certera,' which means 'and so forth'

['N by the way "ofrtgh." ''s one of the most common missps of 'forth,' on account of the ease of interechanging (switchin') two adjacent (together) characters (letters, numbers, etc) and proximity (togetherness) of one key to another….[Tho of course you'd hafta teach all the newcoming SpProgs how to touch type].
—just one of hundreds of such instances where confusion 'tween one character 'n'nother creates havoc— But y' just hafta

I been tellin' ya Software Geniuses some 12 years now, over'n'over'n'over 'gin, you gotta correct that error in your Hiring Guide, that's where it's talkin' 'bout "Requirements:" and says, '...dance earning...,' that s/b ' ...advanced learning...' Please, fellas, you gotta hire Sftw SpProg's with IQ's higher'n 76 !!

Or--as nobody else seems to care-- is it just that I'm such a lousy typist ?


Dale Hileman
Apple Valley, Ca
[Home of the world's worst typists]

[Oh, and then there's Glitch # 5,621 (h), a really old'n, up there in 'To:' or 'Ccc:' where I type a letter [like 'a' or 'c', f'rinstance], and then you give me a bunch of addresses. So far it has cost me 6,459,717 unnecessary keystrokes when you don't gimme that list, but instead just let the letter sit there…or was that (j) ?

...'N I never 'zaggerate, ceptin' sometimes.

…and 'missp' is a missp of 'misspell,' which means 'to spell wrong.' [No, wrong again, there's no 'Miss Pell.']

…'N "k,new" 'cuz the "," 's 'tween the 'k' and the 'm.' Sorry, fellas, I know how tough this's all fer ye !!