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Mon 3 Jan, 2005 02:23 pm
I don't want to create the impression that this is a thread about gloom and doom.
I just had a funny exchange with Walter Hintler and it reminded me of how, immediately after my divorce, I pinned a map of the south of France to my wall because I thought seeing it daily, and thinking about it, would mean that I would not only visit it, but live there part of the time.
Never got there!
Many years ago, my college "big sister," then newly wed to her second husband, told me that she found him after reading a book, the premise of which was people do not get what they want because they don't know what they want. The author suggested (Carol never gave me the book: just described it to me) that if you want something, whether it is a house or a career or a lover, that you make a list of all the qualities you wish that thing to have, then to sit, twice a day and meditate on those qualities.
I did try that just prior to meeting my ex-husband. I concluded that he did not have all of the qualities I sought, but, by meditating on them, I had convinced myself that he did. In other words, I had hypnotized myself.
Well, as I came to the end of my graduate work and began looking for work as an editor, I tried that method again. There was an outfit in the J. Jill Catalog that I thought perfect for an editor: sophisticated yet casual; elegant yet cut so that a woman could walk with a long, energetic stride; artsy but not over-the-top. I pictured myself wearing it, carrying my shiny black brief case, walking to the commuter train, boarding it and then walking to my office where I worked brilliantly and well and became not just another editor but the second Nan Talese.
Lately, people have told me that I'm not positive enough. I think some positive thinking aligns itself with the current bit of folk wisdom: the definition of insanity is to fail at something and to continue to repeat the action that brought about the failure. some of these folks continue to do the same thing, not realizing they are insane but deluding themselves with notions of positive attitude.
What do you think? Is there positive thinking or self-deception?
If you make yourself smile, even if you are mad or sad, you produce more endorphines which actually makes you happier. So I'd say the mind and the power of suggestion is a powerful tool.
Well, I really think negative thinking can turn into a self-fullfillling prophesy. I bet positive thinking is helpful, but sometimes it's really hard to maintain.
roger wrote:Well, I really think negative thinking can turn into a self-fullfillling prophesy. I bet positive thinking is helpful, but sometimes it's really hard to maintain.
self-fullfilling prophesy...yes, I forgot about that end of it. I think you can talk yourself into things.
After all, our reality is only our perception of the environment.
Having a positive attitude colors the way one sees things and can help you recognize the good thing, the right opportunity, the smartest road to travel, when it comes along. A blase or negative attitude colors things too and can force you to overlook or blow off those same good things, not recognizing it even when it's staring you right in the face.
plainoldme, I don't think "positive thinking" has been a part of my philosophy ever. What I have discovered, is that learning to cope with the downside of life is far more important. How we do that, of course, can only be an intrinsic part of life and its setting event. Strangely enough, I have always recalled a quote by a musician:
Enjoy the highs, and prepare for the lows. Kenny Rogers, I think
This has always been sticky for me. 'Positive Thinking' is great, when you can use it to recognize that most of the people around you who are telling you to be 'more positive' are complete morons, who have miserable lives themselves. The definition of sanity is to take life in stride, day by day. You don't really need to be either positive or negative, just observant, with a little mental black book with a list of those you would love to kill, but wouldn't. :wink:
Letty wrote:
Enjoy the highs, and prepare for the lows. Kenny Rogers, I think
And remember....
You gotta know when to hold'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away and know when to run. :wink:
Sorry had to get that in there. I swear that there is a Kenny Rogers song for ever thing.
What I can't stand is when the "positive thinking" thing somehow becomes a blame game. I had an employee who contracted a sudden, mysterious, debilitating illness. She was in her late 20's and had been an athlete beforehand, no good reason for it. She belonged to some horrible church full of "positive thinking" types who praised her when she was optimistic and chastised her when she was pessimistic. I was the only person she felt like she could just complain to. And, ya know, losing the ability to walk in your 20's is a valid thing to complain about in my book.
I believe that you can control your destiny and it all starts with your outlook towards the world. A few months ago I was really depressed and stressed out about things. I had to much to do and not enough time but it all had to get done. My negative thinking was making me feel overwhelmed and I just shut down and nothing got done... but the deadline kept getting closer and closer. I was miserable.
One day i woke up and said to myself, "Self... quit moping around... get off of your butt and get stuff done." My attitude changed, I was a happier person... and more importantly I got everything done.
So while just thinking positive may not accomplish anything... negative thinking keeps it from happening while positive thinking armed with action does get stuff done.
Some of your comments do prove my point: I was (imagine the preceding word in italics) thinking positively. I have been thinking positively for seven years. I have done the visualizing thing that is an outgrowth of positive thinking. Sometimes, people complement me on how upbeat I am!
But, despite the fact that I have almost never applied for a job for which I lacked complete qualifications (did apply for a few to gain the qualifications, but that is also a positive thing to do) and I approached the matter with a relentlessly up beat cover letter, my way hasn't been smooth.
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