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Oh, my Gawd, Yit, I had forgotten that ****. Love it mr. turtle.

Remember this, folks?

Cheech & Chong
Written by Richard A. "Cheech" Marin and Thomas Chong

- parody of "Love Jones" by Brighter Side Of Darkness
- as recorded by Cheech & Chong on their 1973 album "Los Cochinos"
- all-star band included George Harrison, Carole King, Billy Preston and Tom Scott,
with Darlene Love and Michelle Phillips (The Mamas & The Papas) as cheerleaders.
- single peaked at #15 in 1973

Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones
Got a Basketball Jones, oh baby, oo-oo-ooo

Yes, I am the victim of a Basketball Jones
Ever since I was a little baby, I always be dribblin'
In fac', I was de baddest dribbler in the whole neighborhood
Then one day, my mama bought me a basketball
And I loved that basketball
I took that basketball with me everywhere I went
That basketball was like a basketball to me

I even put that basketball underneath my pillow
Maybe that's why I can't sleep at night
I need help, ladies and gentlemens
I need someone to stand beside me
I need, I need someone to set a pick for me at the free-throw line of life
Someone I can pass to
Someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go
And not end up in the popcorn machine
So cheerleaders, help me out

{cheerleaders sing repeatedly...}
(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones)
(I got a Basketball Jones, oh baby, oo-oo-ooo)

{while Tyrone Shoelaces sings/speaks...}
Oh, that sounds so sweet
Sing it out
C'mon Coach Booty, Red Blazer, sing along with me
That be bad, honky
Yeah
I want everybody in the whole stadium to stand up and sing with us
Oh yeah, sing it out like you're proud
All right, everybody watchin' coast-to-coast, sing along with us
Bill Russell, sing along with us
Chick Hearn, sing along with us
Chris Schenkel, don't sing nothin'

Oh, it feels so good
Gimme the ball
I'll go one-on-one against the world, left-handed
I could stuff it from center court with my toes
I could jump on top of the backboard, take off a quarter, leave fifteen cents change I
could, I could dribble behind my back I got more moves than Ex-Lax I'm bad I could
dribble with my tongue Here I go down court, try to stop me You can't stop me 'cause I
got a Basketball Jones Here I come That's my hook shot with my eyebrow Yeah, I could
dunk it with my nose I'm, I'm bad as King Kong, gimme the ball I'm hot, I'm hot as...,
I'm hot as..., I'm hot as... uh Uh, uh, uh, uh

(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, Basketball Jones)
(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, Basketball Jones)
(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, Basketball Jones)
(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, Basketball Jones)
{fade}

Kit Carson
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.


Kit Carson (December 24, 1809-May 23, 1868), born Christopher Houston Carson, was an American frontiersman.

He was born in Richmond, Madison County, Kentucky. At the age of two his family moved to Franklin, Missouri. When he was fifteen, he left an apprenticeship to a saddlemaker and traveled west to New Mexico. He established himself as a trader and trapper in the American Southwest and California. He lived among several Native American tribes, and received the name "Rope Thrower."

During his career throughout the desert Southwest, he was a trapper, guide, military scout, Indian agent, soldier (rising to the rank of Brigadier General), and rancher. His renown initially came from guiding John C. Frémont on an expedition to map the western trails to the Pacific Ocean. Descriptions in Frémont's popular report of his expeditions made Kit Carson famous. After his trapping days were over, Carson settled in Taos, New Mexico and married 14-year-old Josefa Jaramillo, his third wife, on February 6, 1843.


Military service

Carson was active in military service, reaching the brevet rank of brigadier-general. He fought against the Mexicans in California in the 1840s, and played a part in the Civil War and Indian campaigns against the Navajo and Plains tribes.


Civil War

When the Civil War erupted in April of 1861, Kit Carson resigned his post as federal Indian agent for northern New Mexico and offered to help organize the New Mexico volunteer infantry. Although New Mexico Territory officially allowed slavery, geography and economics made the institution so impractical that there were only a handful of slaves within its boundaries. The territorial government and the leaders of opinion all threw their support to the Union.

Overall command of Union forces in the Department of New Mexico fell to Colonel Edward R. S. Canby of the Regular Army's 19th Infantry, headquartered at Fort Defiance. Carson, with the rank of Colonel of Volunteers, commanded the third of five columns in Canby's force. Carson's command was divided into two battalions each made up of four companies of the First New Mexico Volunteers, in all some 500 men.

Early in 1862, Confederate forces in Texas under General H.H. Sibley undertook an invasion of New Mexico Territory. The goal of this expedition was to conquer the rich Colorado gold fields and thus deprive the Northern war machine of a valuable resource and direct it instead to Southern coffers.

Advancing up the Rio Grande River, Sibley's command clashed with Canby's Union force at Valverde on February 21, 1862. The day-long Battle of Valverde ended when the Confederates captured a Union battery of six guns and forced the rest of Canby's troops back across the river with losses of 68 killed and 160 wounded. Colonel Carson's column spent the morning on the west side of the river out of the action, but at one o'clock, Canby ordered them to cross, and Carson's battalions fought until ordered to retreat. Carson lost one man killed and one wounded.

Colonel Canby had little or no confidence in the hastily recruited, untrained New Mexico volunteers, "who would not obey orders or obeyed them too late to be of any service." However, in his battle report he did commend Carson, among other volunteer officers, for his "zeal and energy."

After the battle at Valverde Colonel Canby and most of the regular troops were ordered to the eastern front, but Carson and his New Mexico Volunteers were fully occupied by "Indian troubles."


Navajo campaign

The new commander of the Federal District of New Mexico, Brigadier-General James H. Carleton, ordered Carson to lead an expedition against the Navajo Indians, who continued to resist the white encroachment onto their land. The Navajos should be told, Carleton instructed Carson, "You have deceived us too often, and robbed and murdered our people too long, to trust you again at large in your own country. This war shall be pursued against you if it takes years, now that we have begun, until you cease to exist or move. There can be no other talk on the subject."

Under Carleton's direction, Carson instituted a scorched earth policy, burning Navajo fields and homes, and stealing or killing their livestock. He was aided by other Indian tribes with long-standing enmity toward the Navajos, chiefly the Utes. Carson was pleased with the work the Utes did for him, but felt some irritation when they went home in the middle of the campaign, having collected what they thought was sufficient booty.

Carson also had difficulty with his New Mexico volunteers. Troopers deserted and officers resigned. Carson urged Carleton to accept two resignations he was forwarding, "as I do not wish to have any officer in my command who is not contented or willing to put up with as much inconvenience and privations for the success of the expedition as I undergo myself."

There were no pitched battles and only a few skirmishes in the Navajo campaign. Carson rounded up and took prisoner every Navajo he could find. In January 1864, Carson led forces, including Utes auxiliaries, into Canyon de Chelly to attack the last Navajo stronghold under the leadership of Manuelito. The Navajo were forced to surrender due to the destruction of their livestock and food supplies. In the spring of 1864, 8,000 Navajo men, women and children were forced to march 300 miles to Fort Sumner, New Mexico. Navajos call this "The Long Walk." Many died along the way or during the next four years of imprisonment. In 1868, after signing a treaty with the US government, remaining Navajos were allowed to return to a reduced area of their homeland, where the Navajo Reservation exists today.

Southern Plains campaign

In November Carson fought a combined force of Kiowa, Comanche and Cheyenne to a draw at the First Battle of Adobe Walls, but managed to destroy the Indian village and winter supplies. General Carleton in October 1865 recommended that Carson be awarded the brevet rank of brigadier-general, "for gallantry in the battle of Valverde, and for distinguished conduct and gallantry in the wars against the Mescalero Apaches and against the Navajo Indians of New Mexico."


Colorado

When the Civil War ended, and with the Indian campaigns successfully concluded, Carson left the army and took up ranching in Colorado. He died there in 1868, but the legend of Kit Carson continued to grow through the years as dime-novels, comic books, movies and television recounted (and invented) the frontiersman's many exciting adventures.

Carson died in Boggsville, Colorado. He is buried in Taos, New Mexico alongside his wife, Josephine. His headstone inscription reads: "Kit Carson / Died May 23rd 1868 / Aged 59 Years."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kit_Carson

Michael Curtiz
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.


Michael Curtiz (December 24, 1886 - April 10, 1962) was a film director, whose films include The Adventures of Robin Hood, Casablanca, and White Christmas.

Born Manó Kertész Kaminer in Budapest, Hungary, (then Austria-Hungary), he ran away from home at age 17 to join a circus, then trained for an acting career at the Royal Academy for Theater and Art. In 1912 he began his acting and directing career as Mihály Kertész in Hungary (43 films) and, after World War I, continued his work (another 21 titles) first in Vienna, Austria (e.g. with the monumental 1922 silent film Sodom und Gomorrha) and then in Germany.

In 1926 Curtiz emigrated to the United States. He had a lengthy Hollywood career, racking up directing credit for over 100 films, and not specializing in any one genre. He received four Academy Award nominations for directing, including two in the same year, and took home the gold statue for Casablanca. At Warner Brothers during the 30s, Curtiz was extremely prolific. During this period he was often credited on four films in a single year, though he was not always the sole director on these projects. In the mid-30s he began the highly successful cycle of adventure films starring Errol Flynn, including Captain Blood (1935), The Charge of the Light Brigade (1936) and The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938). By the 40s Curtiz had developed an extremely sophisticated visual style which was marked by fluid camera movement, strong compositions and textured lighting. Prime examples of his work during this decade are The Sea Wolf (1941), Casablanca (1942) and Mildred Pierce (1945).

His lifelong struggle with the English language has been confirmed in numerous anecdotes: David Niven, for example, took the title of his memoir Bring on the Empty Horses from a Curtizism for "bring on the horses without riders".

He was married to:

1. Lucy Dorraine,actress
2. Lili Damita, actress
3. Bess Meredyth, actress/screenwriter

Michael Curtiz is interred in the Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery in Glendale, California.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Curtiz

Howard Hughes
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.


Born December 24, 1905
Humble, Texas, USA
Died April 5, 1976
Houston, Texas, USA


Howard Robard Hughes, Jr. (December 24, 1905 - April 5, 1976) was at times a pilot, a movie producer, a playboy, an eccentric and one of the wealthiest people in the world. He is famous for building the Hercules airplane, commonly known as the Spruce Goose, and for his debilitating eccentric behavior later in life.

Youth and Hollywood

Hughes was born in Humble, Texas on Christmas Eve, though some have argued that he was born September 24. His parents were Allene (Gano) Hughes and Howard R. Hughes, Sr., who invented the dual cone roller bit, which allowed rotary drilling of oil wells in previously inaccessible places. He founded Hughes Tool Company to commercialize this invention.

As a teenager, Hughes declared that his goals in life were to become the world's best golfer, the world's best pilot, and the world's best movie producer. Despite attending many good schools, he never earned a diploma. He attended the Fessenden School in West Newton, Massachusetts (near Boston), and the Thacher School in Ojai, California. His father subsequently arranged for him to audit math and engineering classes at the California Institute of Technology. He then enrolled at the Rice Institute (later known as Rice University).

His parents died when he was a teenager - his mother in 1922 due to complications from a minor surgery, and his father two years later from a heart attack. Hughes inherited much of Hughes Tool Company, but had to deal with trustees, whom he considered meddling. He went to court to become an emancipated minor. He then bought out various relatives, and took complete control of Hughes Tool in 1924 at the age of 19.

He dropped out of Rice, and moved to Hollywood where he had an uncle, Rupert Hughes, a novelist. His girlfriend, Ella Rice, joined him, and they married on June 1, 1925 (divorced in 1929).

Hughes used his fortune to become a movie producer. He was at first dismissed by Hollywood insiders as a rich man's son. However, his first two films released in 1927, Everybody's Acting and Two Arabian Knights were financial successes. The Racket in 1928 and The Front Page in 1931 were nominated for Academy Awards. He spent a then-unheard-of $4 million of his own money to make Hell's Angels, which he wrote and directed. It and Scarface, which he produced, became smash hits. His best-known film may be The Outlaw starring Jane Russell, for whom Hughes designed a special bra. Scarface and The Outlaw received attention from industry censors; Scarface for its violence, The Outlaw for Russell's physical charms. He signed an unknown actor David Bacon in 1932 to play Billy The Kid. The next year Bacon's murder led to allegations that an intimate affair with Hughes may have resulted in his death. Greta Keller, Vienna-born cabaret singer and actress and Bacon's widow, claimed later in life that he had been prepared to reveal intimate details to get released from his contract with Hughes.

Hughes was a notorious ladies' man, and allegedly had affairs with many famous women including: Katharine Hepburn, Bette Davis, Gene Tierney, and Ava Gardner. Bessie Love was a mistress during his first marriage. Jean Harlow accompanied him to the premier of Hell's Angels, although it's uncertain if they were an item. Less-significant affairs are rumored to have occurred between Hughes and a long list of celebrities.


Aviator and engineer

Hughes was a lifelong aircraft enthusiast, pilot, and self-taught aircraft engineer. He set many world records, and designed and built several aircraft himself while heading Hughes Aircraft. The most important aircraft he designed was the Hughes H-1 Racer. On September 13, 1935, Hughes, flying the H-1, set the world speed record of 352 miles per hour over his test course near Santa Ana, California. (The previous record was 314 miles per hour.) A year and a half later (January 19, 1937), flying a somewhat re-designed H-1 Racer, Hughes set a new trans-continental speed record by flying non-stop from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes and 25 seconds (beating his own previous record of 9 hours, 27 minutes). His average speed over the flight was 322 miles per hour. [1]

The H-1 Racer featured a number of design innovations: it had retractable landing gear, so that in flight the wheels did not increase drag. It had all rivets and joints set flush into the body of the plane, also to reduce drag. The H-1 Racer influenced the design of a number of World War II fighter airplanes such as the Mitsubishi Zero, the Focke-Wulf FW190, and the F6F Hellcat. [2] (Wright Tools web site) The H-1 Racer was donated to the Smithsonian in 1975 and is on display at the National Air and Space Museum.

On July 10, 1938 Hughes set another record by completing a flight around the world in just 91-hours (3 days, 19 hours) - beating the old record by more than four days. For this flight he did not fly a plane of his own design but a Lockheed Super Electra (a twin engine plane with a four man crew).

In 1938, the William P. Hobby Airport in Houston, Texas, known at the time as Houston Municipal Airport, was re-named "Howard Hughes Airport," but the name was changed back after people objected to naming the airport after a living person.

As an aviator, he received many awards. This included the Harmon Trophy in 1936 and 1938, the Collier Trophy in 1939, the Octave Chanute Award in 1940, and a special Congressional medal for his round-the-world flight. According to his obituary in the New York Times, he never bothered to pick up the medal. It was eventually found by President Harry Truman and mailed to him.


Also in 1938, William John Frye, a former Hollywood stunt flier and the first director of operations of Transcontinental and Western Air (T&WA), put in an order for the new 33-passenger Boeing 307 Stratoliner, the first commercial plane with a pressurized passenger cabin. He convinced Hughes, also enamored of avant-garde aircraft technology, to finance this purchase. By doing so, Hughes became the principal stockholder of T&WA in April 1939. Throughout the 1940s and into the 1950s, T&WA (which became Trans World Airlines) continued to bet on the most advanced planes available, largely due to Hughes' own interest in aircraft development. In particular, Hughes helped specify the design of the Lockheed Constellation, with its pressurized cabin, buying several planes for TWA in order to be able to fly high altitude (20,000 ft) long distance routes above the turbulence of low altitude weather. The airline would grow significantly under his leadership.

On July 7, 1946, Hughes barely survived a plane crash. He was piloting the maiden flight of the experimental aircraft XF-11, a U.S. Army spy plane. His flight plan included a tour of Los Angeles to show off the new plane, but an oil leak caused one of the counter-rotating propellers to reverse its thrust, making the plane yaw sharply. Hughes tried to save the craft by landing it on the Los Angeles Country Club golf course, but seconds before he reached his attempted destination the plane started dropping dramatically and the aircraft crashed into the Beverly Hills neighborhood surrounding the country club. When the plane finally stopped after clipping three houses, the fuel tanks exploded, setting fire to a home and the surrounding area. Hughes lay wounded beside the burning airplane until he was rescued by a Marine master sergeant who was visiting friends next door. The injuries he sustained in the crash, including a crushed collar bone, six broken ribs and third-degree burns, affected him for the rest of his life. Many attribute his long addiction to opiates to the large amounts of morphine he was prescribed for the injuries. The trademark mustache he wore later in life was an attempt to cover a minor facial scar from the incident.

One of his greatest endeavors was the H-4 Hercules, nicknamed the "Flying Lumberyard", and more famously, the Spruce Goose (although its frame was built predominantly of birch), a massive flying boat completed just after the end of World War II. The Hercules only flew once (with Hughes at the controls) on November 2, 1947. The plane was originally commissioned by the U.S. government for use in World War II, but was not completed until after the war. Hughes was called to testify before the Senate War Investigating Committee to explain why the plane had not been delivered to the United States Air Force during the war, but the committee disbanded without releasing a final report. Because the U.S. government denied him the use of aircraft aluminum (which had been rationed), Hughes built the plane largely from birch in his Westchester, California facility to fulfill his contract. The plane was on display alongside RMS Queen Mary in Long Beach, California for many years before being moved to McMinnville, Oregon, where it is now part of the Evergreen Aviation Museum.


Post-war

Hughes acquired RKO in 1948, a struggling major Hollywood studio. He interfered with production and even shut down shooting for weeks or months. RKO was sold in 1955.

After the war, Hughes fashioned his company Hughes Aircraft into a major defense contractor. Portions of the company wound up with McDonnell Douglas, and eventually Boeing when those two companies merged. The remainder of Hughes Aircraft was sold to Raytheon in 1998.

In 1953, Hughes launched the Howard Hughes Medical Institute in Delaware, formed with the express goal of basic biomedical research including trying to understand, in Hughes' words, the "genesis of life itself." It was viewed by many as a tax haven for his wealth: Hughes gave all his stock of the Hughes Aircraft Company to the institute, thereby turning the defense contractor into a tax-exempt charity. The deal was the topic of a protracted legal battle between Hughes and the Internal Revenue Service which Hughes ultimately won. After his death in 1976, many thought that the balance of Hughes' estate would go to the institute, although it ultimately was divided among his cousins and other heirs, given the lack of a will to the contrary. It is America's second largest private foundation and the largest devoted to biological and medical research with a 2004 endowment of $12.4 billion.

On January 12, 1957, Hughes married actress Jean Peters; they divorced in 1971.

Shortly before the 1960 Presidential election, Richard Nixon was harmed by revelations of a $205,000 loan from Hughes to Nixon's brother that was never repaid.

Hughes Space and Communications was founded in 1961. In the same year, TWA's management sued its chairman Hughes because of differences in running the company; he was forced to sell his stock in TWA in 1966 for more than $500 million. During the 1970s, Hughes went back into the airline business, buying airline Air West and renaming it Hughes Airwest.

Glomar Explorer

In 1972, Hughes was approached by the CIA to help secretly recover a Soviet submarine which had sunk near Hawaii four years before. He agreed. Thus the Glomar Explorer, a special-purpose salvage vessel, was born. Hughes' involvement provided the CIA with a plausible cover story, having to do with civilian marine research at extreme depths, and the mining of undersea manganese nodules.

In the summer of 1974 Glomar Explorer attempted to raise the Soviet vessel. But during the recovery a mechanical failure in the ship's grapple caused half of the submarine to break off and fall to the ocean floor. This section is believed to have held many of the most sought after items, including its code book and nuclear missiles. Two nuclear-tipped torpedoes and some cryptographic machines were recovered, along with the bodies of six Soviet submariners who were subsequently given formal burial at sea in a filmed ceremony. It has been speculated that, contrary to this official account, the entire submarine was recovered and that the CIA released disinformation to leave the Soviets with the impression that the mission was unsuccessful.

The operation, known as Project Jennifer, became public in February 1975 because burglars had obtained secret documents from Hughes' headquarters in June 1974.


The recluse

By the late 1950s, if not earlier, Hughes developed debilitating symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The once dashing figure vanished from public view and became a mystery. The media followed rumors of his movements and behavior. According to various rumors, Hughes was either terminally ill, mentally unstable, or dead and replaced by an impersonator.

Hughes had earlier displayed symptoms consistent with OCD: In the 1930s, friends reported he was obsessed with the size of peas - one of his favorite foods - and used a special fork to sort them by size before he ate. When he produced The Outlaw, Hughes became obsessed with a minor flaw in one of Jane Russell's blouses, and wrote a detailed memorandum on how to fix the problem: Hughes contended that fabric bunched up on a seam, giving the distressing appearance (to Hughes, at least) of two nipples on each of Russell's breasts.

Hughes became a recluse, living a drug-addled life locked in darkened rooms and was terrified of germs. Though he kept a barber on-call with a handsome retainer, Hughes had his hair cut and nails trimmed perhaps once a year. Several doctors were kept on salary, though Hughes rarely saw them and refused to follow their advice. Hughes' inner circle was largely composed of Mormons with temple recommends because he considered them trustworthy - even though he was not an adherent to the Latter Day Saint movement.[3]

Hughes became addicted to codeine (injections), valium, and other painkillers, was extremely frail, stored his urine in jars and wore Kleenex boxes as shoes (although it has been reported that Hughes did this only once, as "protection" when a toilet flooded). He insisted on using paper towels to cover any object before he touched it, to insulate himself from germs. Hughes had contracted syphilis as a young man, and much of the strange behavior at the end of his life has been attributed by modern biographers to the tertiary stage of that disease. His well-documented aversion to handshaking, for instance, probably began when he contracted syphilis. The disease first revealed itself in the form of tiny blisters erupting on his hands. After receiving medical treatment, Hughes was warned by his doctor not to shake hands for a time. Hughes avoided it the rest of his life. Syphilis was also responsible for a bizarre episode in which Hughes burned all his clothes. (In the film, The Aviator, 2004, it is presented as his response to Katharine Hepburn's leaving him. In reality, it was Hughes' overreacting to the syphilis diagnosis by ordering every piece of clothing and bed linen in his home destroyed.)

Later years


With his entourage, Hughes moved from hotel to hotel, from the Beverly Hills Hotel to Boston to Las Vegas, where he bought the Desert Inn (because they threatened to evict him) and several other hotel/casinos (Castaways, New Frontier, The Landmark Hotel and Casino, Sands and Silver Slipper). He was known for modernizing Las Vegas by buying much of it from the Mafia. He bought television stations such as KLAS-TV in Las Vegas so that there would be something to watch when he was up all night with insomnia.

Hughes' considerable business holdings were overseen by a small panel sometimes dubbed "The Mormon Mafia" due to the many Latter-day Saints in the group. While running day-to-day business operations, they also took great pains to follow Hughes' every bizarre whim. For example, Hughes took a liking to Baskin Robbins' banana-nut ice cream, and his aides were horror-stricken when they learned that Baskin-Robbins had eliminated the flavor. They made a special order of 350 gallons?-the smallest amount the company could provide for a special order?-and had it shipped from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. A few days after the order arrived, Hughes announced he'd tired of banana-nut and only wanted vanilla ice cream. For years afterwards, Hughes' aides gave free gallons of banana-nut ice cream to their friends and family.

In Nevada, Hughes wielded enormous political power; he was often able to influence the outcome of elections and legislation. His influence did have its limits; he was afraid of the effects of nuclear radiation from the open-air nuclear weapons tests then conducted in the state, and told his aides to offer $1 million to presidents Lyndon B. Johnson and Richard Nixon if they'd bring the tests to an end. Hughes' aides never offered the bribes, but reported to Hughes that Johnson had declined the offer, and that they were unable to contact Nixon.

As he deteriorated, Hughes moved to the Bahamas, Vancouver, London, and several other places, always living in the top floor penthouse with the windows blacked out. Every time he moved out, the hotel seemed to need to remodel to clean up after him.

In 1971, he divorced Jean Peters; they had been living apart for several years. She agreed to a lifetime alimony payment of $70,000 annually, adjusted for inflation, and she waived all claims to Hughes' estate. The usually paranoid Hughes surprised his aides when he did not insist on a confidentiality agreement from Peters as a condition of the divorce; aides reported that Peters was one of the few people Hughes never disparaged. Peters refused to discuss her life with Hughes, and declined several lucrative offers to do so. She would state only that she had not seen Hughes for several years before their divorce.

According to some speculation on the Watergate affair, the 1972 burglary of Democratic headquarters had been ordered by President Nixon's aides in order to recover potentially damaging papers documenting payments from Hughes to Nixon, and in an effort to link the Democrats to Hughes. Larry O'Brien, the Democratic National Committee chairman whose office was broken into, had been a paid lobbyist for Hughes since 1968.

In 1972 author Clifford Irving claimed he had co-written an authorized autobiography of Hughes, and created a media sensation. Hughes was such a reclusive figure that he hesitated in condemning Irving, which, in the view of many, lent credibility to Irving's account. Prior to publication, Hughes, in a rare telephone conference, denounced Irving, exposing the entire project as an elaborate hoax. Irving later spent fourteen months in jail after fraudulently receiving a $765,000 advance.

Hughes died on an aircraft while traveling from his penthouse in Mexico to Methodist Hospital in Houston on April 5, 1976, at the age of 70. He was unrecognizable, and the FBI insisted on fingerprints to identify Hughes' remains. The autopsy determined kidney failure as the cause of death. His body was in extremely poor condition; X-rays showed broken off hypodermic needles in his arms.

Howard Hughes is interred in the Glenwood Cemetery in Houston, Texas.


Estate

After Hughes's death, an intensive search began for his will, but one could not be found. Speculation became rampant that he may have written a holographic will. A holographic will was soon found on the desk of an official of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Salt Lake City. The "Mormon Will" gave a gas-station owner named Melvin Dummar a 1/16th share of Hughes's $2 billion estate. Dummar, who had appeared on Let's Make a Deal, among other game shows, claimed to reporters that late one evening in December 1967, he found a disheveled and dirty man lying along U.S. Highway 95, 150 miles north of Las Vegas. The man asked for a ride to Las Vegas. Dropping him off at the Sands Hotel, Dummar said the man told him he was Hughes. The Mormon Will was rejected by a Nevada court in June 1978 as a forgery. The court also declared Hughes died intestate.

After saying he knew nothing about the Mormon Will, mounting evidence forced Dummar to admit that he lied. He claimed a "mysterious man" gave him a document with instructions to deposit it at the LDS office. The Mormon Will was one of 40 "wills" filed by 400 people claiming to be Hughes's heirs. The estate was eventually split between 22 cousins in 1983. Melvin and Howard starring Jason Robards and Paul Le Mat is based on Dummar's tale. A new book, "The Investigation," by his former lawyer supports Dummar's claims. Even if he was to be exonerated, it is doubtful that Dummar will receive any money.

The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Hughes Aircraft was owned by the Howard Hughes Medical Institute, who sold it to General Motors in 1985 for $5 billion. Suits brought by the states of California and Texas claiming they were owed inheritance tax were both rejected by the court.

In 1984, Hughes's estate paid an undisclosed amount to Terry Moore, who claimed to have been secretly married to Hughes on a yacht in international waters off Mexico in 1949 and never divorced. Although Moore never produced proof of a marriage (and married five more times, while Hughes married Jean Peters), her book, The Beauty and the Billionaire, became a best-seller.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Hughes

Ava Gardner
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.


Ava Gardner (December 24, 1922 - January 25, 1990) was an American actress.

Ava Lavinia Gardner was born in the small farming community of Brogden, Johnston County, North Carolina, the last of seven children of poor tobacco farmers; her mother was a Baptist of Scottish descent, while her father, Jonas Bailey Gardner, was an Irish Catholic.

Gardner made several movies before 1946, but it wasn't until she starred in The Killers that she became known as a sex symbol and hot movie star. She was married to Mickey Rooney when she was only 19 years old in 1941 (they divorced in 1943), then to Artie Shaw from 1945 to 1946, and to Frank Sinatra from 1951 to 1957. She was said to be the "true love" of Sinatra. She was also regarded as one of the most beautiful actresses in Hollywood. She also had affairs with the Spanish bullfighters Luis Miguel Dominguin and Mario Cabré, industrialist Howard Hughes, and actor George C. Scott, in the mid-1960s.

(Scott, known for beating other women such as wives Colleen Dewhurst and Trish Van Devere, was rumoured to have beaten Gardner during their relationship so badly that her retina became detached.)

Gardner was nominated for an Oscar for 1953's Mogambo. She lost to Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. Many thought Gardner's greatest performance was as Maxine Faulk in The Night of the Iguana, for which she was not even nominated. Grayson Hall, as the hysterical Miss Judith Fellowes, however, was nominated, albeit in the best supporting actress category.

Gardner also had a recurring role as Ruth Galveston on the television series Knots Landing (1985).

After a stroke in 1989, which left her partially paralyzed and bedridden, Frank Sinatra paid all her medical expenses. She died of pneumonia in London, England at the age of 67 in 1990.

Ava Gardner is interred in the Sunset Memorial Park, Smithfield, North Carolina; the town of Smithfield now has an Ava Gardner Museum.

Gardner is portrayed by Kate Beckinsale in The Aviator (2004), a film by Martin Scorsese about Howard Hughes. In the 1998 Movie "The Rat Pack" she was portrayed by Deborah Kara Unger.


Trivia

* Ava Gardner is known to have convinced Mercedes Benz, through mishap, to re-design the 300SL "Gullwing"'s doors as more conventional swing-outs in 1962, after she rolled hers, and could not exit.
* She met author J.R.R. Tolkien at Oxford University in November 1964. Neither was aware of the fame of the other.
* Gardner publically admitted to having had an abortion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ava_Gardner

Ricky Martin
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.


Enrique Martin Morales (born in San Juan, Puerto Rico on December 24, 1971), known professionally as Ricky Martin is a Puerto Rican singer, who rose to fame, first as a member of the Latin boy band Menudo, then as a solo artist since 1990. He has sold over 70 million records since the start of his career. He is considered a major star in the world of Latin Pop, and is considered to have opened the doors for some of his fellow Latin American singers like Shakira or Thalía.


Biography

Martin first achieved worldwide success with his selection to replace Ricky Melendez in the Latin boy band Menudo from 1984 until 1989. His meteoric ascent to fame started in Menudo's homebase, Caguas, site of his first concert. He signed with Sony in 1990.

After he left Menudo, he decided to continue his career. He moved to Mexico City where he started acting, first in theater in productions like Mamá ama el rock, and Los tenis Rojos with Angelica María and Angélica Vale. He participated in soap operas like Alcanzar Una Estrella "Por Siempre Amigos" and others, performed in the music group Munecas De Papel. His acting career in Mexico, however, was quite modest.

Ricky established himself in Miami and connected with music creator Desmond Child, former Menudo band-mate Robi Draco Rosa and Puerto Rican agent Angelo Medina. With these 2 in tow, Ricky created hits like "María", "The Cup of Life", and "Livin' la vida loca". He sang "The Cup Of Life" during a World Cup broadcast that gave him worldwide exposure, but it was "Livin' La Vida Loca" which became a massive crossover hit, made him popular around the world and propelled him into the covers of Tiger Beat and many other major magazines worldwide.

One of Ricky's career high points was the recording of the Spanglish ballad "Cuidado Con Mi Corazón" with Madonna and William Orbit. The original version was written with Patrick Leonard and the first demo remains just one of many unreleased Madonna songs.

Ricky was chosen, along with Félix Trinidad in 1999, to lead Puerto Rico's worldwide tourism campaign, both exemplifying Puerto Rico's youthfulness, enthusiasm and "never give up" character. In 2003, Martin announced that he and his agent, Angelo Medina, had parted ways. In February of 2004, Martin received a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Premios Lo Nuestro in Miami.

Martin recently adopted three little girls from India. The Ricky Martin Foundation created a project called People For Children, which aims to eliminate the industry of sexual exploitation and trafficking of children worldwide. His first benefit was held in Mexico City on November 10, 2005.

On October 11, 2005 Martin came out with his first English language album since 2000's Sound Loaded and the tenth album of his career. Most of the songs on the album, called Life, were co-wrote by Martin. Martin feels that the album is one of his more personal albums, saying "I was really in touch with my emotions. I think this album is very multi-layered, just like life is. It's about feeling anger. It's about feeling joy. It's about feeling uncertainty. It's about feeling. And all my emotions are part of this production." The album debuted at #6 on the Billboard Top 200 Albums chart. The first single of the album, "I Don't Care" (Spanish version: "Que Mas Da"), featuring Fat Joe and Amerie, was Ricky's first single since 2003's "Tal Vez." He plans to release his next single called Drop It On Me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ricky_Martin

Drop It On Me :: RICKY MARTIN

(feat. Daddy Yankee, Taboo)

Drop it mami, drop it mami
Drop it on me, hey hey
Drop it on me, drop it on me
Drop it on me, hey hey
Muevete duro, muevete duro [3x]
Muevete duro, hey hey
Tonight it's a special night, to get you by my side
I've been waiting all week long to get it on with you
Sometimes we hit the floor, dance like we never did before
I'm going to put it on you Boricua style
Drop it mami, drop it mami
Drop it on me, hey hey
Drop it one me, drop it on me
Drop it on me, hey hey

[Chorus]
La, la la la la
La, la la la la [2x]
Let the music take control, once we start you can't say no
Move your eyes and follow me and te muestro mi amor
Let me feel all tonight
While you whisper something
My hands on your hips to watch you give it all
Drop it mami, drop it mami
Drop it on me, hey hey [2x]
Drop it on me, drop it on me
Drop it on me, muevete duro
Drop it on me, drop it on me
Drop it on me, hey hey

[Repeat Chorus]

Este canto es tuyo, Corazon es tuyo
Quieres que sea tuyo, dame amor puro

(sitting here waiting and swinging my leg)

Hey, BioBobofthehawkvariety. Thanks for the background. I think our listeners are aware of most of your notables, and the only song that I could find in tribute to aviators was this:

Silver wings upon my chest
I fly my chopper above the best
I can make more dough that way
But I can't wear no Green Beret.
and ends with:

And when my little boy is old
His silver wings all lined with gold
He then will wear a Green Beret
In the big parade on St. Patrick's Day.

Guess the war, listeners.

No doubt that was the big Vietnam fiasco Letty! Let me go through my collection and see if I can find something patriotic about the Iraq war...

Here's a little number from the Beasties!

Mirrors, smokescreens and lies
It's not the politicians but their actions I despise
You and Saddam should kick it like back in the day
With the cocaine and Courvoisier
But you build more bombs as you get more bold
As your mid-life crisis war unfolds
All you want to do is take control
Now put that axis of evil bullshit on hold
Citizen rule number 2080
Politicians are shady
So people watch your back 'cause I think they smoke crack
I don't doubt it look at how they act...

It's time to lead the way and de-escalate
Lose the weapons of mass destruction and the hate
Say ooh ah what's the White House doin'?
Oh no! Say, what in tarnation have they got brewing??!!!!???!!
Well I'm not pro Bush and I'm not pro Saddam
We need these fools to remain calm
George Bush you're looking like Zoolander
Trying to play tough for the camera
What am I on crazy pills? We've got to stop it
Get your hand out my grandma's pocket
We need health care more than going to war
You think it's democracy they're fighting for?

Letty here, still waiting for her ride.

Nick, it is wonderful to see you back with us, and you picked the right song by the Beasties. Love the line"...I'm not pro Bush and I'm not pro Saddam...". Frankly, buddy, I think most Americans feel the same way.

Merry Christmas, honey.

um thinking I may be pro Bush and pro Saddam, probably not but who knows.
Happy Holidays everyone
The Dys.

Letty
Les Paul celebrates his 90th birthday this month---and he's still playing the electric guitar he invented.

BBB

dys, you be anyone you want to be, honey. You've earned that right. and here's one of your favorites:



Suzanne

Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her
And you know that she's half crazy
But that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.
And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone
And you want to travel with him
And you want to travel blind
And you think maybe you'll trust him
For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.

Now Suzanne takes your hand
And she leads you to the river
She is wearing rags and feathers
From Salvation Army counters
And the sun pours down like honey
On our lady of the harbour
And she shows you where to look
Among the garbage and the flowers
There are heroes in the seaweed
There are children in the morning
They are leaning out for love
And they will lean that way forever
While Suzanne holds the mirror
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that you can trust her
For she's touched your perfect body with her mind.

hope you don't mind another one of 'spike jones' christmas songs :
"i'm the angel in the christmas play"

(i'm a sucker for his 'music' (?) and have permission to play the cd tonight)

Angel in The Christmas Play - Carpenters
Poured the goldfish bowl into daddy's hat
Then I painted stripes down the family cat
Broke two teeth only yesterday
I'm the angel in the christmas play
In department stores, 'do it just because
Pull the whiskers off of the san-tee claus
Bite his leg!... then I got away
I'm the angel in the chrismas play
Daddy laughs, he bends in half
When I wear angel hair
But wait until he takes a spill
On halos on the stairs
Well I gotta go before the mailman stops
And he feels that glue in the letter box
See you all when it's christmas day
I'm the angel in the christmas play
I put on my angel gown
And oh did momma laugh
She didn't guess it was her best dress...
The one you tore in half
On the roof today, gave 'em all a scare
I put on my wings, tried to fly thru air
Hope that lump's gonna go away
I'm the angel in the christmas play
I'm the angel in the christmas play

Good day.
I guess everyone is getting ready or going away for the holiday, but on the chance that someone might tune in, here's a bit of trivia for the day:

On this day:

1818 - "Silent Night" composed by Franz Xaver Gruber

1906 - On Christmas Eve, 1906, Reginald Fessenden (using his heterodyne principle) transmitted the first radio audio broadcast in history from Brant Rock, Massachusetts. Ships at sea heard a broadcast that included Fessenden playing O Holy Night on the violin and reading a passage from the Bible.


Wishing everyone a Happy Holiday.

Okay I finally got the tree up and decorated this afternoon, helped by the nipper when he finally came home.
So here we are.

A Cool Yule to you all.

Things have been frenetic recently. Anyway I found a couple of hours I could waste (translate: enjoy) so I popped in a film I hadn't watched for a long time Fly Away Home. Some of you may have seen the story of a young girl (Anna Paquin) who adopts some orphaned Canada geese and with her father's (Jeff Daniels) help has them follow her in a flight south in an ultralight not only to find them a safe haven but to save that site from developers. There was a beautiful song to provide the background. Here it is.

Fare Thee Well


Fare thee well
My own true love
Farewell for a while
I'm going away
But I'll return
If I go 10,000 miles

10,000 miles
My own true love
10,000 miles or more
And the rocks may melt
And the seas may burn
If I no more return

And you see
Yon lonesome dove
Sitting on an ivy tree
She's weeping for
Her own true love
As I will weep for mine

Oh come back
My own true love
Stay a while with me
For if I had a friend
All on this earth
Then you'll be a friend to me, my dear

Oh come back
My own true love
Stay a while with me
For if I had a friend
All on this earth

Then you'll be that friend to me, my dear
You'll be that friend to me
Then you'll be that friend to me, my dear
You'll be that friend to me

Anyone brought any Christmas Carols to this fun palace ?


Oh Come All Ye faithfull
Hark The Herald Suicide Bombers Sing
Away in a Bomb Shelter
We 3 War Mongers of Orient Are
Little Town of Bagdad
Rudolf The Rednosed Gunship
Let There Be Peace On Earth >>> FAT CHANCE

Christmas Sucks, thanks to Bush, Blair, Saddam and all the other Power Freaks who pollute the world

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS
by Dr. Suess

Every Who
Down in Who-ville
Liked Christmas a lot...

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Who-ville,
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a mistleoe wreath.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the Who girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of the Who-Christmas-Sing
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...?
No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle sleigh
And he hitched up old Max.

Then the Grinch said, "Giddyap!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Whos
Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Grinchy Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.

The Grinch had been caught by this little Who daughter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Santy Claus, why,
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!

Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire.
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food
The he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.


Then
He did the same thing
To the other Whos' houses

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Whos' mouses!

It was quarter past dawn...
All the Whos, still a-bed
All the Whos, still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,
He rode to the tiptop to dump it!
"Pooh-pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Who-ville!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!
The Grinch carved the roast beast!

The Twelve Gifts of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A Japanese transistor radio.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(It's a Nakashuma.)

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(It's the Mark IV model. That's the one that's discontinued.)

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(And it comes in a leatherette case with holes in it,
So you can listen right through the case.)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you
Can stick in your ear, and a thing on the other end
That you can't stick anywhere, because it's bent.)

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
An indoor plastic birdbath,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television, but not when you get it home,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, although it may seem strange,
On the twelfth day of Christmas, I'm going to exchange:
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television, but not when you get it home,
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
An indoor plastic birdbath,
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
A statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

Merry Christmas everybody!

for my father, more allan sherman

Shake Hands With Your Uncle Max
(Parody of "Shake Hands With Your Uncle Mike")

I sell a line of plastics
And I travel on the road
And I have a case of samples
Which believe me is a load

Every night a strange cafe
A strange hotel and then
Early in the morning
I am on the road again

When the season's over
And my lonesome journey ends
That's the only time I see
My family and my friends

I drive up Ocean Parkway
And before I stop the car
My ma leans out the window
And she hollers, "Here we are!"

Shake hands with your Uncle Max, my boy
And here is your sister Shirl
And here is your cousin Isabel
That's Irving's oldest girl
And you remember the Tishman twins
Gerald and Jerome
We all came out to greet you
And to wish you welcome home

Meet..
Merowitz, Berowitz, Handelman, Schandelman
Sperber and Gerber and Steiner and Stone
Boskowitz, Lubowitz, Aaronson, Baronson,
Kleinman and Feinman and Freidman and Cohen

Smallowitz, Wallowitz, Tidelbaum, Mandelbaum
Levin, Levinsky, Levine and Levi
Brumburger, Schlumburger, Minkus and Pinkus
And Stein with an "e-i" and Styne with a "y"

Shake hands with your Uncle Sol mein boy
And here is your brother Sid
And here is your cousin Yetta
Who expects another kid

Whenever you're on the road my boy
Wherever you may roam
We'll all be here when you come back
To wish you welcome home


Sarah Jackman
(Parody of "Frere Jacques")

Hello?
Is this 418-9749?
Speaking.
Sarah?
Yeah.
Sarah Jackman,
Sarah Jackman,
How's by you?
How's by you?
How's by you the family?
How's your sister Emily?
She's nice too.
She's nice too.
Jerry Bachman,
Jerry Bachman,
So what's new?
So what's new?
Whatcha doing Sarah?
Reading John O'Hara.
He's nice too.
He's nice too.
Sarah Jackman,
Sarah Jackman,
How's by you?
How's by you?
How's your brother Bernie?
He's a big attorney.
How's your sister Doris?
Still with William Morris.
How's your cousin Shirley?
She got married early.
How's her daughter Esther?
Skipped a whole semester.
How's your brother Bentley?
Feeling better ment'ly.
How's your cousin Ida?
She's a freedom rider.
What's with Uncle Sidney?
They took out a kidney.
How's your sister Norma?
She's a non-conforma.
How's yours cousin Lena?
Moved to Pasadena.
How's your Uncle Nathan?
Him I got no faith in.
I ain't heard from Sonja.
I'll get her to phone ya.
How's her daughter Rita?
A regular Lolita.
How's your cousin Manny?
Signed up with Vic Tanny.
How's your nephew Seymour?
Seymour joined the Peace Corps.
He's nice too.
He's nice too.
Sarah Jackman,
Sarah Jackman,
How's by you? Jerry Bachman,
How's by you? Jerry Bachman,
Give regards to Hi now. So what's new?
Gotta say goodbye now. So what's new?
Toodle-oo. Give regards to Moe now.
Toodle-oo. Well I gotta go now.
Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo.
Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo.
Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo.


Al 'N' Yetta
(Parody of "Alouette")

Al 'n' Yetta always sit togedda,
Watching TV every single night.
Munching popcorn from a dish,
While observing Dorothy Gish.

(Dorothy Gish) Dorothy Gish,
(What a dish) What a dish.
Ohhhh,

Al 'n' Yetta couldn't have it betta,
Their TV set has remote control.
So they both can stay in bed,
With Frankenstein and Mister Ed.

(Mister Ed) Stay in bed,
(Dorothy Gish) What a dish.
Ohhhh,

Al 'n' Yetta, fans of Art Linkletta,
And they love to sing along with Mitch.
They just found in TV Guide,
Reruns of December Bride.

(December Bride) TV Guide,
(Mister Ed) Stay in bed,
(Dorothy Gish) What a dish.
Ohhhh,

They're big fans of Gunsmoke and Bonanza,
And Ben Casey and Doctor Jim Kildaire,
And third reruns of Millionaire,
And fourth reruns of Yogi Bear.

(Millionaire) Yogi Bear,
(December Bride) TV Guide,
(Mister Ed) Stay in bed,
(Dorothy Gish) What a dish.
Ohhhh,

Al 'n' Yetta love to watch Loretta
When she enters through her fancy door.
They just love The Real McCoys,
Walter Cronkite and The Bowery Boys.

(Bowery Boys) Real McCoys,
(Millionaire) Yogi Bear,
(December Bride) TV Guide,
(Mister Ed) Stay in bed,
(Dorothy Gish) What a dish.
Ohhhh,

Al got wrinkly, watching Huntley-Brinkley,
And College Bowl on Sunday afternoons.
While they both watch Meet The Press,
Yetta yearns for Elliott Ness.

(Elliott Ness) Meet The Press,
(Bowery Boys) Real McCoys,
(Millionaire) Yogi Bear,
(December Bride) TV Guide,
(Mister Ed) Stay in bed,
(Dorothy Gish) What a dish.
Ohhhh,

Al 'n' Yetta watched an operetta.
Leonard Bernstein told them what they saw.
They both shouted, "Hail Bernstein!"
Then they switched to What's My Line.

(Hail Bernstein) What's My Line,
(Elliott Ness) Meet The Press,
(Bowery Boys) Real McCoys,
(Millionaire) Yogi Bear,
(December Bride) TV Guide,
(Mister Ed) Stay in bed,
(Dorothy Gish) What a dish.
Ohhhh,

Al told Yetta something that upsetta.
He said, "Dear, our picture tube has blown."
Yetta answered, "Woe is me,
For tonight we shall not see:

(Hail Bernstein) What's My Line,
(Elliott Ness) Meet The Press,
(Bowery Boys) Real McCoys,
(Millionaire) Yogi Bear,
(December Bride) TV Guide,
(Mister Ed) Stay in bed,
(Dorothy Gish) What a dish."
Ohhhh,

Al 'n' Yetta's television set.


When I Was A Lad
(Parody of "Ruler Of The Queen's Navy" from Gilbert & Sullivan's "HMS Pinafore")

When I was a lad I went to Yale,
And I knew then that I could never fail.
For I studied very hard and furthermore,
I polished up the apple for the professor.
(He polished up the apple for the professor)
I polished up the apple so frequently,
That soon I had a Phi Beta Kappa Key.
(He soon had a Phi Beta Kappa key,
From polishing the apple very frequently.)

On graduation day I made a stop
At a very exclusive clothing shop.
I opened up a charge account and asked them for
The best grade flannel in the clothing store.
(The best grade flannel in the clothing store.)
That suit was a part of a great intrigue,
For it proved I was a member of the Ivy League.
(It was part of a great intrigue,
For it proved he was a member of the Ivy League.)

Then I got a crew cut and a sincere tie,
And for my first job I did apply.
A job in an advertising agency,
Sharpening the pencils of a big VP.
(Oh he honed a lot of pencils for a big VP)
I sharpened all the pencils so pointedly,
That now I am a partner in the agency.
(He sharpened all the pencils so pointedly,
That now he is a member of the agency.)

I kept my ears open and my big mouth shut,
And I learned all the agency's scuttlebutt.
I learned who was going out with whom,
And who had the keys to the powder room.
(And who had the keys to the powder room.)
For the key to the powder room you see,
Is the key to the structure of the agency.
(The key to the powder room is the key
To the structure of the agency.)

I worked real hard for the dear old firm,
I learned most every advertising term.
I said to the men in the dark gray suits,
"Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes."
(Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.)
I ran it up the flagpole perfectly,
So now I am a partner in the agency.
(He ran it up the flagpole perfectly,
So now he is a partner in the agency.)

Now I have a big office at the end of the hall,
With very fancy carpeting from wall to wall.
I keep my mouth open and I keep my ears shut,
And I've got a little palace in Connecticut.
(And he's got a little palace in Connecticut.)
So I thank old Yale, and I thank the Lord,
And I also thank my father who was Chairman of the Board,
(And he's grateful to his father,
Yes he's grateful to his father,
Yes he's grateful to his father,
Who was Chairman of the Board.)


Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter From Camp)
(Parody of Amilcare Ponchielli's "Dance Of The Hours")

Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh,
Here I am at Camp Granada.
Camp is very entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

I went hiking with Joe Spivey.
He developed poison ivy.
You remember Leonard Skinner.
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.

All the counselors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators.
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

Now I don't want this should scare ya,
But my bunk mate has malaria.
You remember Jeffrey Hardy.
They're about to organize a searching party.

Take me home, oh Muddah, Fadduh,
Take me home, I hate Granada,
Don't leave me out here in the forest, where
I might get eaten by a bear.

Take me home, I promise I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay,
I've been here one whole day.

Dearest Fadduh, darling Muddah,
How's my precious little Bruddah?
Let me come home if you miss me.
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing.
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing.
Playing baseball, gee that's better.
Muddah, Fadduh, kindly disregard this letter!


Chim Chim Cheree
(parody of "Chim Chim Cheree" by Dick Van Dyke, from the movie "Mary Poppins")

Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim-chim-cheree;
Those are three words that don't make sense to me.
But I'm used to words that don't make sense to me,
From all those commercials I see on TV.
When I see an ad that can't be understood
I know that the product has got to be good;
Those words may be crazy, but I think they're great,
Like sodium acetylsalicylate.
(Sodium acetylsalicylate!)

I wake up each morning a most happy man,
I cover my Pic-O-Pay with Fluoristan;
I add Hexachlorophene, 'cause it's so pure,
And then GL-70, just to make sure.
Then I take a shower, but never alone;
I'm in there with Dermasil and Silicone.
I brush Vitrol-D on my Lanolin wave,
And I sharpen my Boo-boop, and use it to shave!
(He sharpens his Boo-boop, and that's how he shaves!)

There's Tufsyn, and Retsyn, and Acrylan too,
And Marfac and Melmac and what else is new?
There's Orlon and Korlan, and there's Accutron,
And Teflon, and Ban-Lon, and so on and on.
These wonderful words spin around in my brain;
Each one is a mystery I cannot explain.
Like what does that Blue Magic whitener do --
Does it make blue things white, or make white things blue?
(His blue things are white, and his white things are blue!)

My Fastback has Wide-Track and Autronic Eye,
Which winks when a cute little Volvo goes by;
My tank full of Platformate starts with a roar,
But when I try to stop, it goes two miles more.
I measure my breathing with my Nasograph,
It's nice, but oh my, how it hurts when I laugh.
My chair is upholstered in real Naugahyde;
When they killed that nauga, I sat down and cried.
(He moved to Chicaga when that nauga died!)

I'm giving a party next Saturday night
And here are the friends that I'm going to invite:
The giant who lives in my washing machine,
That other nice giant, who's jolly and green.
The tiger who causes my gas tank to flood,
That handsome white knight who is stronger than crud;
The man with the eyepatch, who sells me my shirts
And that nut who flies into the front seat for Hertz!
(That daring young nut who goes flying for Hertz!)

I've lived all my life in this weird wonderland;
I keep buying things that I don't understand,
'Cause they promise me miracles, magic, and hope,
But, somehow, it always turns out to be soap.
And they might as well be Chim-Chiminey Cheree!
(Those words all could be Chim-Chiminey Cheree!)