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Morning Eva. Happy to help. And to our listeners, I'd like to acknowledge our responsibility to parents by reminding them why we love children

Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."



2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"



3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"



4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."



5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."



6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"



7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."



8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy S**t! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.



9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."



10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"



11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

George, Thanks for the lastest in the two laws of plumbing.

Bob, You are truly rife with laughter this morning. Loved the wifey thing and the delightful "kids say the darndest things", routine.

Well, listeners. When realJohn made his comment about "frogs", did a little research into the epithet as it applies to the French and came up with the following:

Translation English to French
Did you know that French people everywhere in the world are named frogs? It's true! You must have heard it, of course; frogs. And if you put yourselves this question, I also am called a frog. It is not an insult, actually, it is a compliment. I always wanted to know why and where this whole thing began, which encouraged me to telephone the Center franco-ontarien of folklore of Sudbury, Ontario, Canada. They were very nice and gave me some anecdotes on this subject. Aviez-vous que les francophones partout dans le monde sont nommés des grenouilles ? Et oui ! Vous avez bien entendu ; des grenouilles. Et si vous vous posez cette question, moi aussi je me fais appeller une grenouille. Ce n'est pas une insulte, en réalité, c'est un compliment. J'ai toujours voulu savoir pourquoi et où cette histoire a débuté, ce qui m'a incité à téléphoner le Centre franco-ontarien de folklore de Sudbury, Ontario, Canada. Ils ont été très gentils et m'ont donné quelques anecdotes à ce sujet.
In World War II, the Frenchmen (France) were fighting alongside the Englishmen (England) and when the time to eat came along the French people would eat frog legs. Well as you can imagine it was not really the English soldiers' way of having a meal and hence started calling them French Frogs. Pendant la deuxième guerre mondiale, les Français (France) combattaient aux côtés des Anglais (Angleterre) et quand le temps de prendre les repas était arrivé, les Français mangeaient des cuisses de grenouilles. Et bien comme vous pouvez vous l'imaginer, ce n'était pas la sorte de repas que les anglais mangaient. Les Anglais ont donc commencés à nommer les Français les grenouilles.

Hey, yawl. I'm becoming trilingual. I can speak English, French, and Southernese.

Breaking news:

Terry Schiavo has died.

And.....Cyracuz's riddle has a perfect solution. Odin told me.

AND...the answer to my question was Howard Hughes.

Have I been quiet long enough? Seeing that tomorrow is karaoke night I thought of playing a song I intend to sing then. Who better then Frank and since I'm old what better than feeling young?

You make me feel so young

Writer(s): Myrow/Gordon

by Frank Sinatra

You make me feel so young
You make me feel like spring has sprung
Every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy individual

The moment that you speak
I want to go and play hide-and-seek
I want to go and bounce the moon
Just like a toy balloon


You and I, are just like a couple of tots
Running across the meadow
Picking up lots of forget-me-nots

You make me feel so young
You make me feel there are songs to be sung
Bells to be rung, and a wonderful fling to be flung

And even when I'm old and gray
I'm gonna feel the way I do today
'Cause you make me feel so young

You're right, Bob. We need some music, and I love those Francis Albert Sinatra lyrics.

Now some words out of the mouth of Lady Day:

Billie Holiday
» There'll Be Some Changes Made



W. Benton Overstreet / Billy Higgins


They say don't change the old for the new

But I've found out that this will never do

When you grow old don't last long

You're here today and then tomorrow you're gone

I loved a man for many years gone by

I thought his love for me would never die

He made some changes that would never do

From now on I'm going to make some changes too

For there's a change in the weather

There's a change in the sea

So from now on there'll be in change in me

My walk will be different, my talk and my name

Nothin' about me is going to be the same

I'm goin' to change my wayof livin'

If that ain't enough

Then I'll change the way that I strut my stuff

'Cause nobody wants you when you're old and gray

There'll be some changes made today

There'll be some changes made


The say the old time things are the best

That may be very good for all the rest

But I'm goin'g let the old things be

'Cause they are certainly not suited for me

There was a time when I thought that way

That's why I'm all alone here today

Since every one these days seeks something new

From now on I'm goin' to seek some new things too

For there's a change in the fashion

Ask the femine folks

Even Jack Benny has changed jokes

I must make some changes from old to new

I must do things just the same as others do

I'm goin' to change my long, tall daddy for a little short fat

Goin' to change the number where I live at

I must have some lovin' or I'll fade away

There'll be some changes made today

There'll be some changes made.

Don't you love it, listeners?

Hmmmm. Our Raggedy is usually here by this time with her celebs update.

On this day in history, Alexandre Gustave Eiffel did his architecture marvels:

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Troy/2774/eiffel.html

Things keep synchronizing, listeners.

Hi all. Sorry I'm late. I was enjoying the gorgeous spring weather.
Now, about that riddle. I can't remember the exact wording, but I do not know there aren't any slices in a WHOLE loaf of bread.

And here are today's BD Celebs:

1596 René Descartes, philosopher/mathematician (La Haye, Touraine, France; died 1650)
1732 Franz Joseph Haydn, composer (Rohrav, Austria-Hungary; died 1809)
1809 Nikolai Gogol, novelist/dramatist/short-story writer (Sorochinsk, Russia; died 1852)
1878 Jack Johnson, champion boxer and 1st black to win the heavyweight crown (Galveston, TX; died 1946)
1914 Octavio Paz, poet/essayist (Mexico; died 1998)
1922 Richard Kiley, actor (B'way Man of La Manchs) (Chicago, IL; died 1999)
1927 Cesar Chavez, labor leader (Yuma, AZ; died 1993)
William Daniels, actor (Brooklyn, NY)
1928 Gordie Howe, hockey player (Floral, Saskatchewan, Canada)
1929 Liz Claiborne, fashion designer (Brussels, Belgium)
1932 John Jakes, author (Chicago, IL)
1934 Shirley Jones, actress/singer (Smithton, PA)
1935 Herb Albert, musician (Los Angeles, CA)
Richard Chamberlain, actor (Beverly Hills, CA)
1943 Christopher Walken, actor (New York, NY)
1948 Al Gore Jr., vice president of the United States and presidential candidate (Washington, DC)
Rhea Perlman, actress (Brooklyn, NY)
1971 Ewan McGregor, actor (Crieff, Scotland)



I know, I've told this story a million times, but I saw Shirley Jones who worked in the Pittsburgh stock company (I think that's what it's called), get her big break when the leading lady for Oklahoma became ill and Shirley took over. It was at the Nixon Theatre in Pittsburgh, and as a result, Shirley got the lead in the movie version of Oklahoma. I heard someone on TV say she got her break in Ohio. They're wrong.

Well, Raggedy. You have the right to enjoy spring, honey. I know most of those celebs, and I'll let Cyracuz tell you the answer and the riddle.

Sooooo, Shirley got her break in Pittsburg, did she. Well, my dear friend, that's why you are our bestest rearcher.

In honor of Shirley Jones:



Artist: Lyrics
Song: The Surrey With The Fringe On Top Lyrics

When I take you out, tonight, with me,
Honey, here's the way it's goin' to be:
You will set behind a team of snow white horses,
In the slickest gig you ever see!

Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry
When I take you out in the surrey,
When I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top!
Watch that fringe and see how it flutters
When I drive them high steppin' strutters.
Nosey pokes'll peek thru' their shutters and their eyes will pop!
The wheels are yeller, the upholstery's brown,
The dashboard's genuine leather,
With isinglass curtains y' can roll right down,
In case there's a change in the weather.
Two bright sidelight's winkin' and blinkin',
Ain't no finer rig I'm a-thinkin'
You c'n keep your rig if you're thinkin' 'at I'd keer to swap
Fer that shiny, little surrey with the fringe on the top!
All the world'll fly in a flurry
When I take you out in the surrey,
When I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top!
When we hit that road, hell fer leather,
Cats and dogs'll dance in the heather,
Birds and frogs'll sing all together and the toads will hop!
The wind'll whistle as we rattle along,
The cows'll moo in the clover,
The river will ripple out a whispered song,
And whisper it over and over:
Don't you wisht y'd go on forever?
Don't you wisht y'd go on forever?
Don't you wisht y'd go on forever and ud never stop
In that shiny, little surrey with the fringe on the top!
I can see the stars gettin' blurry,
When we drive back home in the surrey,
Drivin' slowly home in the surrey with the fringe on top!
I can feel the day gettin' older,
Feel a sleepy head on my shoulder,
Noddin', droopin' close to my shoulder, till it falls kerplop!
The sun is swimmin' on the rim of a hill;
The moon is takin' a header,
And jist as I'm thinkin' all the earth is still,
A lark'll wake up in the medder.
Hush, you bird, my baby's a-sleepin'!
Maybe got a dream worth a-keepin'
Whoa! you team, and jist keep a-creepin' at a slow clip clop.
Don't you hurry with the surrey with the fringe on the top!

Tell you a funny anecdote about that song later, listeners.

...make that researcher. I'm blaming it on my right eye.

Is that right? my choice out of those names is Gordie Howe. What a man. Yes, I admit I'm a hockey afficianado. He gave us a famous hockey saying. A Gordie Howe hat trick for those who don't know is a goal, an assist and a fight. He is the only player to have a professional game in 5 different decades.

Many Dads play hockey with their sons.
Gordie played with his on a professional hockey team.

Ah, Bob. Ever the punster. Someone once told me that ice hockey was a ballet on ice. Nice metaphor, but I don't do sports except when forced to do so.

Oh, my word, Raggedy. I missed Ewan McGregor. I watched his movie "Big Fish", and unfortunately, "Young Adam."

Listeners, Another movie that was weird was "The I Inside". I think that movie was what gave me a headache.

Great picture, George....but, but, but, Where are their Jason masks?

Today's weather report courtesy of Tom Waits.

"Emotional Weather Report"

late night and early morning low clouds
with a chance of fog
chance of showers into the afternoon
with variable high cloudiness
and gusty winds, gusty winds
at times around the corner of
Sunset and Alvorado
things are tough all over
when the thunder storms start
increasing over the southeast
and south central portions
of my apartment, I get upset
and a line of thunderstorms was
developing in the early morning
ahead of a slow moving coldfront
cold blooded
with tornado watches issued shortly
before noon Sunday, for the areas
including, the western region
of my mental health
and the northern portions of my
ability to deal rationally with my
disconcerted precarious emotional
situation, it's cold out there
colder than a ticket taker's smile
at the Ivar Theatre, on a Saturday night
flash flood watches covered the
southern portion of my disposition
there was no severe weather well
into the afternoon, except for a lone gust of
wind in the bedroom
in a high pressure zone, covering the eastern
portion of a small suburban community
with a 103 and millibar high pressure zone
and a weak pressure ridge extending from
my eyes down to my cheeks cause since
you left me baby
and put the vice grips on my mental health
well the extended outlook for an
indefinite period of time until you
come back to me baby is high tonight
low tomorrow, and precipitation is
expected

Pssssst, Bob, loved those words out of the mouths of babes.

Diane, Now that's what I call a weather report that beats the black hole in Bflat.

Anyone ever hear the term "frog strangler"?

a small anecdote about Surrey With the Fringe on Top.

When my husband was well, he had the most fantastic sense of humor. We played a gig with a piano player who was great, but arrogant. He was bald with a bit of fringe hair. Mr. Letty referred to him as:

The surly with the fringe on top.

I ditto that Diane. Thanks Bob. I sent them on to a friend who needed some cheering up.

Hee, hee, hee, Letty. I've known a few surlys with fringe on top. How is Bud doing?

You haven't mentioned how the house is coming along. Any complete roof yet?

Oh George, I'm sure Dys will be pleased that tofu paste has nonculinary uses; in fact, he probably thinks that anything not related to food should be the only use for tofu. LOL

...well it's kinda related to food...

All these nice words. Hugs and kisses to you all. I must have done something right for a change. Quite a change from a little while ago. I was feeling lonely. Now I feel more like I'm ready to take a chance again. Must be spring.

Barry Manilow

Ready To Take A Chance Again

You remind me I live in a shell,
Safe from the past,
and doing' okay,
but not very well.
No jolts, no surprises,
No crisis arises:
My life goes along as it should,
it's all very nice,
but not very good.
And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again,
Ready to put my love on the line with you.
Been living with nothing to show for it;
You get what you get when you go for it,
And I'm Ready To Take Chance Again with you.
When she left me in all my despair,
I just held on,
My hopes were all gone.
Then I found you there.
And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again
Ready To Take A Chance Again with you,
With you.