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Funny Instructions




Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Hey, BioBob. Great celeb background today. Thanks, hawkman, for the funny directions and the comments. Love 'em, and it gave us all a well earned smile. Sorry my response to Debacle got caught in between.

Joe Pesci was hilarious in My Cousin Vinny, and I can still think about his comments to the judge and chuckle a little.

Seeing Ronald Colman reminds me of Lost Horizon, so let's hear one from The Lettermen that recalls that mountain of youth through this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnV64fuJxmU

we had a wonderful evening at quen's university last night .
as part of the graduation exercises at the department of music , many concerts are put on during februrary and march every year .

last night's performance was called :
A GALA CONCERT
an evening of performances from the world of opera , operetta and musical theatre .

and a gala concert it was !
a sixty member symphony orchestra , a jazz combo , a great choir ensemble , soloists from department of music , former students that "have made it" in the performing arts and that are now appearing on stage worldwide - they made guest appearances to show their appreciation to their teachers .

carmen , the daughter of the regiment , "what i did for love" from : a chorus line , the pearl fishers , la forza del destino , faust , "can you feel the love tonight " from : the lion king , lakme , turandot , "this nearly was mine" from : south pacific , "maybe this time " from : cabaret , and ending with "brindisi" from la traviata !
IT WAS A MUSICAL FEAST - not only for the ear but also for the eye !
(i do love a big orchestra performing the overture from carmen and playing music from "south pacific" ! )
hbg

couldn't find last night's concert on youtube , but found JEWELLE BLACKMAN - one of last night''s soloists - she is currently appearing in toronto as THE TEACHER in WE WILL ROCK YOU !
(and she rocked us last night !)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=VjIMDNqxQf0

Wow, hbg. That rocked. Loved it, buddy. How could anyone sit still while that performance was airing. Thanks for the dance.

Speaking of rocks, folks, the team that used to be does this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H84NrdRA8oo

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2_TUoZq-prw

The girl can't help it
She was born to please

Wall of Death
Richard Thompson

Let me ride on the wall of death one more time
Let me ride on the wall of death one more time
You can waste your time on the other rides
But this is the nearest to being alive
Oh let me take my chances on the wall of death

You can go with the crazy people in the crooked house
You can fly away on the rocket or spin in the mouse
The tunnel of love might amuse you
And Noah's Ark might confuse you
But let me take my chances on the wall of death

On the wall of death
All the world is far from me
On the wall of death
It's the nearest to being free

You're going nowhere when you ride on the carousel
And maybe you're strong
But what's the good of ringing a bell
The switchback will make you crazy
Beware of the bearded lady
Oh let me take my chances on the wall of death

Let me ride on the wall of death one more time
Let me ride on the wall of death one more time
You can waste your time on the other rides
But this is the nearest to being alive
Oh let me take my chances on the wall of death
Oh let me take my chances on the wall of death
Oh let me take my chances on the wall of death

Tower Of Song
Leonard Cohen

My friends are gone and my hair is grey.
I ache in the places where I used to play.
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on.
I'm just paying my rent every day in the tower of song.

I said to Hank Williams: "How lonely does it get?"
Hank Williams hasn't answered yet,
but I hear him coughing all night long,
a hundred floors above me in the tower of song.

I was born like this, I had no choice.
I was born with the gift of a golden voice,
and twenty-seven angels from the great beyond,
they tied me to this table right here in the tower of song.

So you can stick your little pins in that voodoo doll
- I'm very sorry, baby, doesn't look like me at all.
I'm standing by the window where the light is strong.
They don't let a woman kill you not in the tower of song.

Now you can say that I've grown bitter but of this you may be sure:
The rich have got their channels in the bedrooms of the poor,
and there's a mighty judgement coming, but I may be wrong.
You see, you hear these funny voices in the tower of song.

I see you standing on the other side.
I don't know how the river got so wide.
I loved you, I loved you way back when -
And all the bridges are burning that we might have crossed,
but I feel so close to everything that we lost-
We'll never, we'll never have to lose it again.

So I bid you farewell, I don't know when I'll be back.
They're moving us tomorrow to that tower down the track.
But you'll be hearing from me, baby, long after I'm gone.
I'll be speaking to you sweetly from my window in the tower of song.

My friends are gone and my hair is grey.
I ache in the places where I used to play.
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on.
I'm just paying my rent every day in the tower of song.

Until The End Of The World
U2

Haven't seen you in quite a while
I was down the hold, just passing time.
Last time we met it was a low-lit room
We were as close together as a bride and groom.
We ate the food, we drank the wine
Everybody having a good time except you.
You were talking about the end of the world.

I took the money, I spiked your drink
You miss too much these days if you stop to think.
You led me on with those innocent eyes
And you know I love the element of surprise.
In the garden I was playing the tart
I kissed your lips and broke your heart.
You, you were acting like it was the end of the world.


In my dream, I was drowning my sorrows
But my sorrows they'd learned to swim
Surrounding me, going down on me
Spilling over the brim
Waves of regret and waves of joy.
I reached out for the one I tried to destroy.
You, you said you'd wait till the end of the world.


love these lines

Forgiven
Echo & The Bunnymen

I'm just one of many
Gave a love in vain
Sold it out for pennies
Saved up all my rain

What do you want from me
The ocean or the sea
The salt inside the rising tide
Tears you got from me
Got from me
Got from me, yeah

One day I'll be ready
To take what could be mine
Everything I'd buried
I lay out on the line

What d'you want to see
The truth or mystery
A blinding light, a blackest night
They're both inside of me
Inside me
Inside me, yeah

I'm just one of many
Took a love in vain
Sold it out for pennies
Saved up all my rain

What d'you want from me
The truth or mystery
The salt inside the rising tide
Tears you got from me
Got from me
Got from me, yeah

I don't want to be forgiven
All I want is to be free
I know I'll never be forgiven
I know I'll never be free

Sometimes
James

There's a storm outside, and the gap between crack and thunder
Crack and thunder, is closing in, is closing in
The rain floods gutters, and makes a great sound on the concrete
On a flat roof, there's a boy leaning against the wall of rain
Aerial held high, calling "come on thunder, come on thunder"

Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes, I swear I can see your soul
Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes, I swear I can see your soul

It's a monsoon, and the rain lifts lids off cars
Spinning buses like toys, stripping them to chrome
Across the bay, the waves are turning into something else
Picking up fishing boats and spewing them on the shore

The boy is hit, lit up against the sky, like a sign, like a neon sign
And he crumples, drops into the gutter, cut strings, legs twitching
The flood swells his clothes and delivers him on, delivers him on

Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes, I swear I can see your soul
Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes, I swear I can see your soul

There's four new colors in the rainbow
An old man's taking polaroids
But all he captures is endless rain, endless rain, endless rain.
He says listen, takes my head and puts my ear to his
And I swear I can hear the sea

Somtimes, when I look in your eyes I can see your soul
(I can reach your soul)
(I can touch your soul)
Sometimes

edgar, there is no one as unique as Little Richard. Loved The Girl Can't Help it, Texas. Thanks so much.

Before I acknowledge our dear dj, I would like to play this one by Carlos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrGT-CSmBZg

dj, we are so happy to see you back in our wee studio. You always have a plethora of great lyrics for us, Canada.

Yes, those two lines.."In my dreams I was drowning my sorrows, but my sorrows they learn to swim.." are powerful, honey.

I am not familiar with Richard Thompson, but he is rather macabre; nevertheless among U2 and the others, I love the Leonard Cohen one.

Let's hear it on Utube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u10V_7IVD2Y

the richard thompson song is actually about a circus or fairground attraction

Wall of Death

The wall of death is a circus sideshow featuring a drum- or barrel-shaped wooden board wall around which stunt motorcyclists drive and carry out tricks.

The audience views from the top of the drum, looking down. The bikes start in the middle, at the bottom of the drum, and drive up an initial ramped section until they gain enough velocity to drive horizontal to the floor, defying gravity. This is a famous act in the United Kingdom, and is often seen at fairs. In the 2000s, there are only a few remaining tours of the wall of death; the most notable of which is "The Wall of Death World Tour", created and run by the Fox family. This touring group uses the original American Indian Motorcycles, which have been used since around the 1920s. For the most of the year, this group is based at Wilburton but ride every year in the Great Dorset Steam Fair.

A variation called the "globe of death" has the riders looping inside a wire mesh sphere rather than a drum.

Wall of death motorcycle stunt

Richard Thompson - Wall of Death

My word, dj, here Letty was trying to see an extended metaphor in song. Thanks for the clarification, Canada. Richard Thompson is a great performer, incidentally.

In trying to search out George Shearing's version of "Sand in my Shoes", I came across this remarkable man. It will be my goodnight song, as I stayed up and played too late last night. Worth the sleep deprivation, however.

What a great vocalist and what an elegant man.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=qQzFs7nnpmo

Good night from Florida and...

From Letty with love

Good morning, WA2K radio audience.

Well, St. Valentine's day is four days away, so let's remember Sam, shall we?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmDS3GthAOM

Good Morning Letty

I'm a great fan of "Armik" a flamenco guitar player, listen to this track and see if you like my kind of music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc3D3O6u2a8

Dutchy, I love that guitar, Aussie. I recall having misread the genre as "flamingo" guitar. Welcome back, incidentally.

I will dedicate the Sam Cooke song to Steve of England.

Today is Roberta Flack's birthday, so for Don McLean, here is one of my favorites.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mpqXu0z3wU

Valentines Day. Yeuchh. The Danish florists/ greeting card companies/ restaurateurs are desperately trying to encourage "Valentine" spending and get it established in this country but there´s quite a lot of resistance. Mostly from the male population.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fe1rZ4-_XGA

Tracy Chapman at the Bob Dylan 30th Anniversary Tribute