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Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote: "[Thoreau] is as ugly as sin, long-nosed, queer-mouthed, and with uncouth and rustic, though courteous manners, corresponding very well with such an exterior. But his ugliness is of an honest and agreeable fashion, and becomes him much better than beauty."[3]

Thoreau studied at Harvard between 1833 and 1837. He lived in Hollis Hall and took courses in rhetoric, classics, philosophy, mathematics, and science. Legend states that Thoreau refused to pay the five-dollar fee for a Harvard diploma. In fact, the Masters' degree he declined to purchase had no academic merit: Harvard College offered it to graduates "who proved their physical worth by being alive three years after graduating, and their saving, earning, or inheriting quality or condition by having Five Dollars to give the college" (Thoreau's Diploma). His comment was: "Let every sheep keep its own skin."
Thoreau was famous for saying: "Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it."

Jacob Burckhardt (May 25, 1818, Basel, Switzerland - August 8, 1897, Basel) was a Swiss historian of art and culture, fields which he helped found. "The great discoverer of the age of the Renaissance, he first showed how a period should be treated in its entirety, with regard not only for its painting, sculpture and architecture, but for the social institutions of its daily life as well."
Burkhardt's historical writings did much to establish art history as an academic discipline, and also have literary value in their own right. His innovative approach to historical research emphasized the value of culture and art when analyzing the social and political trends underlying historical events.

In 1838 he made his first journey to Italy, and published his first important articles, Bemerkungen über schweizerische Kathedralen ("Remarks about Swiss Cathedrals"). In 1847 he brought out new editions of Kugler's two great works, Geschichte der Malerei and Kunstgeschichte, and in 1853 published his own work, Die Zeit Constantins des Grossen ("The Age of Constantine the Great"). He spent the greater part of the years 1853-1854 in Italy, collecting materials for his 1855 Der Cicerone: Eine Anleitung zum Genuss der Kunstwerke Italiens (7th German edition, 1899), also dedicated to Kugler. This work, "the finest travel guide that has ever been written"[2]which covered sculpture and architecture, as well as painting, became an indispensable guide to the art traveller in Italy.

About half of the original edition was devoted to the art of the Renaissance. Thus Burckhardt was naturally led to write the two books for which he is best known, his 1860 Die Cultur der Renaissance in Italien ("The Civilization of the Renaissance in Italy") (English translation, by SGC Middlemore, in 2 vols., London, 1878), and his 1867 Geschichte der Renaissance in Italien ("The History of the Renaissance in Italy"). The Civilization of the Renaissance in Italy was the most influential interpretation of the Italian Renaissance in the 19th century and is still widely read. Burckhardt and the German historian George Voigt founded the historical study of the Renaissance. In contrast to Voigt, who confined his studies to early Italian humanism, Burckhardt dealt with all aspects of Renaissance society.

Burkhardt considered the study of ancient history an intellectual necessity and was a highly respected scholar of Greek civilization. "The Greeks and Greek Civilization" sums up of the relevant lectures, "Griechische Kulturgeschichte", which Burckhardt first gave in 1872 and which he repeated until 1885. At his death, he was working on a four-volume survey of Greek civilization.

Friedrich Nietzsche, appointed professor of classical philology at Basel in 1869 at the age of 24, admired Burckhardt and attended some of his lectures. Nietzsche believed Burckhardt agreed with the thesis of his The Birth of Tragedy, namely that Greek culture was defined by opposing "Apollinian" and "Dyonisian" tendencies. Nietzsche and Burkhardt enjoyed each other's intellectual company, even as Burckhardt kept his distance from Nietzsche's evolving philosophy. Their extensive corresponded over a number of years has been published. Burckhardt's student Heinrich Wölfflin succeeded him at the University of Basel at the age of only twenty-eight.
He was also amply aware of the rapid political and economic changes taking place in the Europe of his day, commenting in his lectures and writings on the Industrial Revolution, the European political upheavals of his day, and the growing European nationalism and militarism. Events amply fulfilled his prediction of a cataclysmic 20th century, in which violent demagogues (whom he called "terrible simplifiers") would play central roles. Burckhardt the prophetic pessimist and cautious liberal, the German language counterpart to Tocqueville and Lord Acton, and the author of three volumes reprinted by the Liberty Fund, has some following among contemporary conservative political and moral philosophers.

My, my, folks. Today we are listening to the historian/philosopher cowboy.

Is this he, dys?



I'm afraid that I am not familiar with the man.

thank you for the song ms letty

unfortunately my b'day song to day is

Heigh-Ho

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig in our mine the
whole day through
To dig dig dig dig dig dig dig is what we really like to do
It ain't no trick to get rich quick
If you dig dig dig with a shovel or a pick
In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! In a mine!
Where a million diamonds shine!

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig from early morn till night
We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig up everything in sight
We dig up diamonds by the score
A thousand rubies, sometimes more
But we don't know what we dig 'em for
We dig dig dig a-dig dig

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho

[Chorus]
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It's home from work we go
[Whistle]

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

[Chorus]

eigh-ho, Heigh-ho
[Whistle]

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho hum

[Chorus three times]

Heigh-ho [until fade]

Birthday -- Beatles

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too--yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party.

I would like you to dance--Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Dance

You say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too--yeah
You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

You are most welcome, dj. Love that song, Canada, and thank god you ain't no snow white.

Hey, ticomaya. Welcome back. See what a birthday can do? Hey, it's not really your birthday is it?

Well, folks, We have backstreet boys, so how about an uptown girl:

Billy Joel:

Uptown girl
She's been living in her uptown world
I bet she's never had a backstreet guy
I bet her momma never told her why

I'm gonna try for an uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am

And when she knows what
She wants from her time
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind

She'll see I'm not so tough
Just because
I'm in love with an uptown girl
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
She's getting tired of her high class toys
And all her presents from her uptown boys
She's got a choice

Uptown girl
You know I can't afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win

And when she's walking
She's looking so fine
And when she's talking
She'll say that she's mine

She'll say I'm not so tough
Just because
I'm in love
With an uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am

Uptown girl
She's my uptown girl
You know I'm in love
With an uptown girl

Speaking of up town girl, I wonder where our Raggedy is?

Here's Helen, anyway:

hi , everyone !
back on the air after ten days of network trouble .
trying to make up for lost time - airtime that is :wink:
hbg

Artist/Band: Williams Don
Lyrics for Song: Good Ole Boys Like Me

When I was a kid Uncle Remus he put me to bed
With a picture of Stonewall Jackson above my head
Then daddy came in to kiss his little man
With gin on his breath and a Bible in his hand
He talked about honor and things I should know
Then he'd stagger a little as he went out the door

CHORUS:
I can still hear the soft Southern winds in the live oak trees
And those Williams boys they still mean a lot to me
Hank and Tennessee
I guess we're all gonna be what we're gonna be
So what do you do with good ole boys like me

Nothing makes a sound in the night like the wind does
But you ain't afraid if you're washed in the blood like I was
The smell of cape jasmine thru the window screen
John R. and the Wolfman kept me company
By the light of the radio by my bed
With Thomas Wolfe whispering in my head

When I was in school I ran with kid down the street
But I watched him burn himself up on bourbon and speed
But I was smarter than most and I could choose
Learned to talk like the man on the six o'clock news
When I was eighteen, Lord, I hit the road
But it really doesn't matter how far I go

Well, folks. There's our hamburger. Glad you're back on the air, Canada.

Good old boys, huh. Remember this one, buddy?


Lyrics for Song: Not Bad For A Good Ole Boy
Lyrics for Album: Dusty Drake

He was never voted "Most Likely to Succeed"
But still he married Tammy Bell, the prettiest girl in all of Knox County
And his uncle got him on at Thompson's Tool and Die
And now he's a foreman and he's home each night by five

Not Bad for a farmer's son
Pretty good for where he comes from
He's got a house full of love and a yard full of kids
A car, a truck, a fishin' boat and a dozen best friends
And he ain't the richest man in Illinois
But not bad, not bad for a good ole boy

He got his picture in the paper right on the front page
He's smilin' with a nine-point buck he took on openin' day
Just last summer he bulit a deck on the house
And a fiew the family down to Florida to meet Mickey Mouse

Not Bad for a farmer's son
Pretty good for where he comes from
He's got a house full of love and a yard full of kids
A car, a truck, a fishin' boat and a dozen best friends
And he ain't the richest man in Illinois
But not bad, not bad for a good ole boy

Well he's a little league coach and a junior college grad
A volunter fireman and a full-time dad

Not Bad for a farmer's son
Pretty good for where he comes from
He's got a house full of love and a yard full of kids
A car, a truck, a fishin' boat and a dozen best friends
And he ain't the richest man in Illinois
But not bad, not bad for a good ole boy

Christmas Dragnet
Stan Freberg & Daws Butler

This is the season.
My name's Wednesday.
My partner's Frank Jones.
The Chief's name is Captain Kellogg.

December the 24th, Christmas Eve.
They brought in a guy named 'Grudge'.
When I heard what they booked him on, my blood ran cold.
It was a 4096325- 096704: not believing in Santa Claus.

4:35 p.m.
I was working the holiday watch out of homicide with Frank.

"Hang up your stocking yet, Joe?"

"Yeah, just before I come down. You too Frank?"

"Alway do.
Hung it up early just in case I have'ta work late tonight.
Wouldn't wanna miss out on when Santa Claus comes you know. "

"Sure wouldn't, be a shame."

"Whatcha gonna do tomorrow, Joe?
Whatcha gonna do on Christmas, got any plans?"

"Nothin' much."

"Why don't you come by the house Joe?
We're gonna have Christmas dinner.
You know, all the trimmings:
turkey, celery stuffing, oysters maybe.
Chestnuts, all the trimmings, you know.
Cranberry sauce, love'ta have ya.
The Missus always fixes a plate of relish
with them little carrot sticks.
You know, olives, pickles, scallions.
Most people call them green onions, but they're really scallions.
Did you ever notice that Joe?"

"Notice what Frank?"

"How most people call them green onions but they're really scallions."

"Uh-huh. Scallions."

"Anytime after two, Joe. Love ta have ya."

"Uh-huh. Well I'll see."

"Love ta have ya."

"Uh-huh. Well, I'll see."

"Love ta have ya."

"Uh-huh. Well, I'll see."

"Missus always fixes a plate of relish with them little carrot sticks.
You know - olives, pickles, scallions."

"Uh-huh. Let's not go through that again."

"Go through what, Joe?"

"How most people call them green onions but they're really scallions."

"Oh, you noticed that too, huh Joe?"


Homicide; Wednesday.

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh."

"'s matter Joe? 's matter Joe?"

"Bringing a guy in on a 409635-096704:
guy don't believe in scallions, I mean Santa Claus."

6:29 p.m.
We questioned the guy didn't believe in Santa Claus.
Guy named Grudge.

"Says here you're name's Grudge, that right?"

"Yeah!"

"Says here you didn't believe in Santa Claus.
Hard to believe what you said, did you really say that?"

"Sure I said it. How do you know there's a Santa Claus?
Ya got a picture of him?"

"No, no mug shots."

"Any fingerprints?"

"Uh-uh, no latent prints. I just know, that's all.
Like saying there's no Easter bunny."

"That's another guy there ain't no of."

"What's your story, Mister?"

"Joe, he just said that to make me feel bad, didn't he?
There really is an Easter bunny, isn't there Joe?"

"Listen Grudge, didn't I pick you up three years ago
on a 1492; for not believing in Columbus?"

"Yeah! I don't believe in Cleveland or Cincinatti either."

"How about Toledo?"

"I ain't made up my mind yet about Toledo."

"O.K. Mister. I get the picture now.
You don't believe in nothin' - do ya?"

"Nothin'! And you wanna know somethin' else?"

"What's that?"

"I'm gonna get up and walk right out of this room
'cause you guys ain't got nothin' on me.
There ain't no law against not believin' in Santa Claus."

"There is in my book. Let me tell you somethin' Mister.
I'm gonna prove there's a Santa Claus if it takes me
all night."

"Huh! Pretty funny. The police department's got
nothin ta do."

"Let me straighten you out buddy; this one's on
Frank and me, right Frank?
Right Frank?"

"There really is an Easter bunny, isn't there Joe?
You know, hippity hopping down the bunny trail?"

I took Grudge over to the helicopter.
Got in, flew around the city for hours.

I showed him department stores.
"What's hurryin' in and out of those department stores, Grudge?"

"Happy people, but I ain't impressed."

I showed him stockings.
"How are those stockings hung, Grudge?"

"By the chimney with care; but I didn't hang none up."

I showed him children nestled all snug in their beds.
"What's dancing in their heads, Grudge?"

"Visions of sugar plums, but you ain't sellin' me.
There ain't no Santa Claus."

He still didn't believe.
There was only one thing left to do.
My job? Get to the North Pole.
I set the plane down, we walked over to
Santy's workshop, rang the bell.

"Pardon me, sir?
Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Why sure. Just tickle me to death."

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a Brownie."

"What are you doing at the North Pole
with a southern accent?"

"Well, the boss sorta ran short of help
this year, so he had to recruit a few of
us Brownies from the South Pole."

"Uh-huh. That figures."

"What a waste of time!"

"Could we talk to your boss, please?"

"Oh, he's out. You would have to come on
the one night he's out on the whole year."

"What's your particular job, Mr. Brownie?"

"My boss has eight tiny reindeer. My job - feed 'em."

"Yes sir. What do 'ya feed 'em?"

"Well, most times I fix up a little plate of relish:
olives, pickles and them little carrot sticks.
You know, them little ol' carrot sticks?"

"Uh-huh."

"And scallions."

"Most folks call them green onions, but
they're really scallions."

"How do you know?"

"Just a stab in the dark."

The little man showed us through the workshop.

"My boss'll be back for a second load pretty soon.
Say, would you all like to hear an interestin' story?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you see that HUGE pile of presents over there?"

"Uh-huh."

"Man, look at all that stuff."

"Would you believe it?
They're all for the same man.
Been pilin' up here, year after year."

"Why didn't they guy ever get 'em?"

"Yeah! Why?"

"'Cause he didn't believe in my boss.
You know the rules."

"Uh-huh. We know."

"I don't suppose that there's no chance
that this guy can still ...?"

"Get the presents? Oh sure.
He gets them all the minute he believes.
But I don't suppose he ever will."

"Too bad about that guy.
What's his name?"

"Don't say it. I don't want to hear it."

"Come on, Mr. Brownie.
What's his name?"

"His name? Grudge."

The Brownie saw us to the door.
Wished us a Merry Christmas.
We were heading back to the plane
when it happened.

"Hey!"

"Yeah, Grudge?"

"You know that guy I said I didn't believe in?"

"Who's that?"

"S-S-S-Santy Claus?"

"Yes, sir?"

"You think I'm too old to change my mind?"

"You're never too old, Mr. Grudge."

"Well then, I-I believe in Santy Claus.
And Columbus."

"How about Cincinatti.
And Cleveland.
And the Easter Bunny?"

"Yeah, them too."

"And Toledo?"

"I-I still ain't made up my mind about Toledo."

"Look Grudge. Up in the sky.
He's coming back for the second load."

"It's Santy Claus! It's Santy Claus!"

"There's the only guy I know can make
everybody happy in one night."

"Yeah. He must have the biggest heart
in the whole world."

"Yeah. That's about the size of it!"

Drinkin' On The Job


The farmer he got plowed
The bricklayer got plastered
The mechanic he got tanked
The construction worker got blasted
And Daddy beat up Mommy and broke her collarbone for good luck
Everybody's drunk
Everybody's wasted
Everybody's drinkin' on the job

The garbageman got trashed
The janitor got messy
The taxi driver got smashed
The waitress she got tipsy
In Kansas City, New York City
Great big city, itty-bitty city
Everybody's drunk
Everybody's wasted
Everybody's drinkin' on the job

There's a whole lot of places that I ain't been
A whole lotta things that I ain't seen
A whole lotta things I'll never be
The generation that would change the world
Is still looking for it's car keys

The terorist got bombed
The President got hit
Security was tight
The Secret Service got lit
F.B.I.
C.I.A.
D.W.I.
U.S.A.
Everybody's drunk
Everybody's wasted
Everybody's stoned
And there's nothing that's gonna change it
'Cause everybody's drunk
Everybody's wasted
Everybody's drinkin' on the job

Good morning, WA2K listeners and contributors.

edgar, Stan Freberg is one of the funniest guys that I have ever heard. Thanks for reminding me of his fantastic satires, Texas.

dj, I hope you have a wonderful lunch today and enjoy your Chinese. Incidentally, Canada. I love the way you say, "got drunk." Neat song, and thanks.

Here's another funny song, folks, to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree."

Oh Maryland
We've got some hills, we've got some trees,
We sing in four-part harmonies;
There's shopping malls and city halls,
And cats and dogs and ponds with frogs;
But none of us has ever meant
To overthrow the government.
From Baltimore to Hagerstown,
Just take your car and drive around.

We're near the nation's capital,
But we are not stuck up at all,
So take a stand and shake the hand
Of every crab in Maryland.
We touch four states and several bays,
The highways mostly run both ways,
We hope you come and say hello
And maybe stop and spend some dough.

When I was ten my family
Moved here from West Virginia;
I went to school in Annapolis,
I studied Greek and calculus,
And now I live in Baltimore
And that's what Maryland is for.
Oh Maryland, oh Maryland,
Oh Maryland, oh Maryland.

I have a dog whose name is Jack,
I threw a stick, he brought it back.
My sister had a cat, I think,
My mother had a kitchen sink.
My father was a decent man,
And we all lived in Maryland.
Oh Maryland, oh Maryland,
Oh Maryland, oh Maryland.

Our nights are dark, our days are fair,
We're right next door to Delaware.
Our song before was full of gore
But we heard the Union won the war.
We're sorry if we made you mad,
It was the only song we had.
Oh Maryland, oh Maryland,
Oh Maryland, oh Maryland.

Liv Ullmann
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



Birth name Liv Johanne Ullmann
Born December 16, 1938 (age 68)
Tokyo, Japan

Liv Johanne Ullmann (born December 16, 1938) is an Oscar-nominated Norwegian actress, author and film director. She played lead roles in nine films by Ingmar Bergman, with whom she had a daughter, Norwegian author Linn Ullmann. The consummate psychological actress, she was the object of critical acclaim the likes of which haven't been seen since the 1970s (awards include three Best Actress prizes from the prestigious National Society of Film Critics, two from the National Board of Review, a threesome from the New York Film Critics Circle, and one Golden Globe as well as a LAFCA honor).

Liv Ullman was born in Tokyo (where her engineer father was working at the time), and grew up in Trondheim, Norway.

Her work with Bergman, especially in the powerful Scenes from a Marriage, turned her into a 1970s feminist and cultural icon, as well as one of the most respected actresses of her time. She was nominated twice for an Academy Award (for The Emigrants and Face to Face), and published two successful biographies (Changing and Choices).

She is multi-lingual, speaking Norwegian, Swedish, English and other European languages. She is also a committed UNICEF goodwill ambassador, and has travelled widely for the organisation. Appointed honorary doctor at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology 2006.

Lately, Ullmann has been making a name for herself as a film director (most notably with the acclaimed, Bergman-scripted drama Faithless) and could also be seen reprising her role from Scenes from a Marriage in 2003's Saraband (Bergman's final telemovie).



Personal Life

Ullmann has been married and divorced twice. Her first marriage was to Dr. Hans Jacob (Gappe), a psychiatrist. In the 1980s, she married Boston real estate developer Donald Saunders, whom she divorced in 1995. But as of 2001, the couple was still living together. [1]

Back to School Bestsellers



Walking To School The First Day Back
by Misty Bus

The Day The Car Pool Forgot Me
by I. Rhoda Bike

Can't See The Chalkboard
by Sidney Backrow

Practical Jokes I Played On The First Day Of School
by Major Crackupp

What I Dislike About Returning To School
by Mona Lott

Making It Through The First Week Of School
by Gladys Saturday

Is Life Over When Summer Ends?
by Midas Welbee

What I Love About Returning To School
by I.M. Kidding

Will Jimmy Finally Graduate?
by I. Betty Wont

What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School
by U. Will Gettitt

Ah, folks, we know that our hawkman is through with his bio's when we read his pun books. Love it, Bob.

I do hope our Raggedy makes it in today. I am becoming concerned.

Another thing, folks. Millions are without power in the Northwest, and I wonder about Mr. and Mrs. Piffka.

Well, until our resident photographer makes it, here's another satire song:


Elo - Roll Over Beethoven Lyrics

Gonna write a little letter gonna mail it to me local D.J.
it's a jampan little record I want my jockey to play
Roll Over Beethoven, gotta hear it again today

My temperature's raisin, the juke box's blowin a fuse
My heart's beatin a rhythm, singin out rhythm and blues
Roll Over Beethoven, they're rockin in two by two

Well if you feel you like it, go get your lover and reel and
rock it
roll it over and move on up now, go for cover and reel and rock
it
roll it over, Roll Over Beethoven, tell Tchaikovsky the news

Early in the mornin I'm a givin you the warnin,
don't you step on my blue suede shoes
hey diddle diddle gonna play my fiddle,
I ain't got nothing to lose
Roll Over Beethoven, tell Tchaikovsky the news

She wiggles like a glow-worm, dances like a spinning top
she got a crazy partner, you should have seen her reel and
rock
long as she got a dime, the music will never stop

Well if you feel you like it, go get your lover and reel and
rock it
roll it over and move on up now, go for cover and reel and rock
it
roll it over, Roll Over Beethoven, dig these rhythm and blues

Roll Over Beethoven, Roll Over Beethoven,
Roll Over Beethoven, Roll Over Beethoven,
Roll Over Beethoven, dig these rhythm and blues?

Several groups did that one.

Christmas Auld Lang Syne
Bobby Darin

[Words and Music by Mann Curtis and Frank Military]

When mistletoe and tinsel glow
Paint a yuletide valentine
Back home I go to those I know
For a Christmas Auld Lang Syne

And as we gather 'round the tree
Our voices all combine
In sweet accord, to thank the Lord
For a Christmas Auld Lang Syne

When sleigh bells ring, and choirs sing
And the children's faces shine
With each new toy, we share their joy
With a Christmas Auld Lang Syne

We sing his praises, day of days
And pray next year this time
We'll all be here, to share the cheer
Of a Christmas Auld Lang Syne

---- Instrumental Interlude ----

"Merry Christmas everybody and a Happy New Year"!
In sweet accord, to thank the Lord
For a Christmas Auld Lang Syne

loved edgars comedy, another freburg bit

St. George & The Dragonet
Stan Freberg


Narrator: The legend you are about to hear is true. Only the needle should
be changed to protect the record.

St. George: This is the countryside. My name is St. George. I'm a knight.
Saturday, July 10th. 8:05 pm. I was working out of the castle on the night
watch when a call came in from the Chief. A dragon had been devouring
maidens. Homicide. My job: slay him.

You call me, Chief?

Chief: Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens. The King's daughter may be
next.

St. George: Mmm-hmm. You got a lead?

Chief: Oh, nothing much to go on. Say, did you take that .45 automatic into
the lab to have them check on it?

St. George: Yeah. You were right.

Chief: I was right?

St. George: Yeah. It was a gun.

8:22 pm. I talked to one of the maidens who had almost been
devoured.

Could I talk to you, Ma'am?

Maiden: Who are you?

St. George: I'm St. George, Ma'am. Homicide, Ma'am. Want to ask you a few
questions, Ma'am. I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am. Is
that right, dragon?

Maiden: It was terrible. He breathed fire on me! He burned me already!

St. George: How can I be sure of that, Ma'am?

Maiden: Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth.

St. George: 11:45 pm. I rode over the King's Highway. I saw a man. Stopped
to talk to him.

Pardon me, Sir. Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir?

Knave: Sure, I don't mind.

St. George: What do you do for a living?

Knave: I'm a knave.

St. George: Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts?

Knave: Yeah. So what? Do you wanna make a federal case out of it??

St. George: No, Sir. We heard there was a dragon operating in this
neighborhood. We just to know if you've seen him.

Knave: Sure, I seen him.

St. George: Mmm-hmm. Could you describe him for me?

Knave: What's to describe? You see one dragon, you seen 'em all.

St. George: Would you try to remember, Sir? Just for the record. We just
want to get the facts, Sir!

Knave: Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots . . .

St. George: Yes, Sir.

Knave: Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke . . .

St. George: Mmm-hmm.

Knave: And one big bloodshot eye right in the middle of his forehead and,
uh, like that.

St. George: Notice anything unusual about him?

Knave: No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know.

St. George: Mmm-hmm. Yes, Sir. You can go now.

Knave: Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him?

St. George: I thought you'd never ask. A Dragonet.

3:05 pm. I was riding back into the courtyard to make my report to
the lab. Then it happened. It was the dragon.

Dragon: Hey! I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon! You must be St. George, right?

St. George: Yes, Sir.

Dragon: I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords.

St. George: That's about the size of it.

Dragon: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! You slay me!!

St. George: That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Dragon: What do you mean?

St. George: I'm taking you in on a 502. You figure it out.

Dragon: What's the charge?

St. George: Devouring maidens out of season.

Dragon: Out of season?!? You'll never pin that rap on me!! Do you hear me,
cop?!?!

St. George: Yeah, I hear you. I got you on a 412 too.

Dragon: A 412!!! What's a 412?!?!?

St. George: Over-acting. Let's go.

Narrator: On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted. His fire
was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked. Maiden devouring out
of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years.