What is Respect ?

Treating as an equal.

Admiration and fear are not necessary for the definition of respect - but can be part of it.

I think respect cannot be earned. There is nothing I can do to gain an outcome from others. If they just hate on me then I can do nothing about it - despite what we try to do.

That is not to say that if I want respect I shouldn't try to earn it - it just cannot be earned - it is given - like fame and fortune.

I act as if I respect all mankind - but for those I do not consider my equal - I don't listen to them or take thier words with any real weight. In the past I would just tell the person that they are stupid - to thier face - but I think this shows disrespect that is not needed. They are still human and at a base level equal to me.

TTF

Happy T-Day, Endora.

I think to me, respect means treating others as I would like to be treated by them. With caring, consideration, empathy and honour. Most of the time my respect is given freely, until someone shows me by word or deed that they are not worthy of my respect. I don't go on the heresy of others, but on my own experiences with any given person.

The problem with thinking respect is treating someone how you'd want to be treated is that what if a person wanted to be treated like crap and so they treated other's like crap?

What goes around, comes around. If I met a person like that, then by their word or action, I could not give them my respect. I do not really think that anyone wants to be treated like crap. Do you?

What if they wanted to be treated in a way that seems to YOU like crap?

Well, my dictionary thinks esteem means something like DEFERence or willingness to show consideration, like for the feelings of another or acknowledgement of how swell something is.

So we can respect a snake (or that aspect of a snake which empowers him to inflict harm upon our persons) because when push comes to shove and we're locked in a round room with smooth sides and floors and no weapons or tools, including clothes, we might defer to its power over us.

Or we can respect our grandpa because he was a really swell guy, the swellest we've ever known.

Or we can respect the feelings of our sensitive grandmother by not telling her we're atheists, because it doesn't matter anyway.

So I say we should try to elaborate when we recklessly use the word respect in a place where it is not crystal clear exactly what we mean. Like, you've got to respect someone's opinion. What exactly that means differs as much from person to person as "what is hell or heaven" varies from Southern Baptist Christian from Brownsboro Texas 4/5/04 to Southern Baptist Christian from Brownsboro Texas 4/5/04 right in the next pew.

Thanks Dr. Bombay Hope you had a great day.

Ahhh yes....The Golden Rule.

Do you think the mortals are ready ?

Respect is simply the art of honoring others without dishonoring yourself.

It is not respect to treat a person who is not your equal as if he was. A person in a wheelchair is not my equal, because this person cannot walk. We are different, and if I should treat this person as if he could walk I would be disrespectful. Note that there is no judgement here as to who is the better individual. This is a fundamental issue when it comes to respect. To accept reality and face it without judgement is the very essence of acting respectful.

We can probably all agree that there is a certain relativity to all this. One operates on the level of respect one recieves from others.

Another definition of respect might be: Respect is the hierarchy in with we find our relations among ourselves.
There is a code beneath all this we know as morality or honor. This is what defines what is to be seen as respectful and what is not. Since most people don't know how to act in accordance with honor, the way we show respect to eachother is random, and misunderstanding is frequent.

"Calling Dr. Bombay! Calling Dr. Bombay!" Silly mortals! I'm ready even if they're not!

I was feeling so "bard-like" and speaking in rhyme. It was quite nice actually, the beautiful prose that flowed like wine. They called it Primary Vocabularyitis and cured said ravishing blonde. Sigh....as long as romanticism hasn't entirely died...

Steadfast Golden Ruler. I suppose I could be worse.

Re: What is Respect ?
Respect: acceptance that the other persons have their own identity, desires, personality. Accepting they are OTHER and not an extension of myself.

For me, respect is always recognizing the potential in another individual, never condescending to anyone. A certain amount of fear is involved here, I think. We even use the expression, "I have a healthy respect for..." meaning "I have a certain fear of..." Can it be earned? Sure, although it's an uphill struggle to do so.

I'll give you my favorite analogy on this subject. I love Boston. I respect New York City.

In all honesty, Derwood...this is the very first thing I thought of when you said respect....

(oo) What you want
(oo) Baby, I got
(oo) What you need
(oo) Do you know I got it?
(oo) All I'm askin'
(oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home
(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone
Ain't gonna do you wrong (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)
All I'm askin' (oo)
Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

I'm about to give you all of my money
And all I'm askin' in return, honey
Is to give me my profits
When you get home (just a, just a, just a, just a)
Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a)
When you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

Ooo, your kisses (oo)
Sweeter than honey (oo)
And guess what? (oo)
So is my money (oo)
All I want you to do (oo) for me
Is give it to me when you get home (re, re, re ,re)
Yeah baby (re, re, re ,re)
Whip it to me (respect, just a little bit)
When you get home, now (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
Whoa, babe (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)
I get tired (just a little bit)
Keep on tryin' (just a little bit)
You're runnin' out of foolin' (just a little bit)
And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)
(re, re, re, re) 'spect
When you come home (re, re, re ,re)
Or you might walk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)

What if: I have two friends that I know very well, who are lovers. One day I walk by while one of them is frenching a complete stranger. My friend sees me and next time we meet this person tries to get me to keep it a secret.

What should I do? What course of action will get me safely through this sinkhole without being disrespectful to anyone?

I am interested in hearing your opinions. I have a feeling that whoever knows how to maneuver safely in this scenario knows everything he needs to know about respect.

Ah, what a tangled web we weave. The sad thing is, you had nothing to do with the tangled web at the onset but became so, not just by witnessing the act of your friend, but by your friend then asking you to keep it silent. I am guessing that in an instant you lost a great deal of respect for the person asking you to cover for them.

Your friend is the disrespectful one, not you. They disrespected their lover (unbeknownst to them), they disrespected you and they also disrespected themself. Deceit and disrespect are not solid grounds for any friendship.

If you think highly enough of your conniving friend, I might suggest a heart to heart with them, explaining the position they have put you in, suggest they come clean with their lover (after all, frenching is not just a quick peck on the cheek to say how do you do) and let them know that you cannot and will not be a party to their deceit. Until your friend becomes accountable for their actions, I would choose not to associate with them, personally. I would not go running to the lover and tell all that I have seen and heard. Their relationship issues are between them and only they can work them through. If your friend chooses not to work out the issues with the lover and the lover questions you about your falling out, I would put the ball back in your friends court by simply stating you two had a difference of opinion on an issue that you hope can one day be resolved. Continue to maintain your friendship with the lover, but I wouldn't get so close to the friend anymore.

In this way, I don't think you are being disrespectful to anyone, but you are being true to yourself....

Just my 37 cents worth.

Good answer Lady J. I have thought a bit about it, and for starters I would say to the lover who asked me to keep a secret that I would not bring the subject up, but were the other one to ask I would not lie. Then I would give the "cheater" a deadline. A chance to talk to the other part before I sould reveal what I saw. This is because I cannot betray my friends trust by keeping a secret that I know my friend would want to know. I cannot either betray the confidence of my other friend who went frencing, and I cannot rob this person of the chance to set things right. Next, I would step aside and let my two friends settle things between them, but I would also tell them that if they had any respect for me they would think long and hard to understand the tight spot they put me in. Sometimes the best way to show respect is to demand it.

It appears we think a great deal alike on this matter, Cyracuz. Let me know how things go....and good luck!

Thanks Lady J. Although I have to say that the situation was an imagined scenario. I do have two close friends that are lovers, and the scenario I described is likely to come up, though it hasn't happened yet. In real life the relationship between my two friends and me is infinitely more complex than in these posts. I could tell you about it, but not where it might lead back to them. I never underestimate neither chance nor intelligence. There is a secret that must be kept out of respect for a lot of involved issues and parties.

And so it shall remain as secretive as need be. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems, is it? I know you'll know what to do and how to handle whatever situation arises out of this. In fact, we never even had this anonymous, theoretical conversation at all, did we?

What conversation? Who? Anonimus? Is he a friend of Nostredamus? I see baaad weather coming...