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Is this a good essay for academic reinstatement?

 
 
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 03:53 pm
To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to appeal my recent academic dismissal from the University of XX to explain the circumstances surrounding my poor performance during the Spring and Fall semesters of 2016 in hopes that I may be given a second chance at my dream of earning a degree from the University of XX.

I admit, I had a very difficult time the last two semesters and my grades suffered as a result. The main issue that contributed to my academic conflicts was my financial situation. When i began my semester at the University of XX in the Fall of 2015, i was dependent of my family to provide me financial support. During the end of the Fall semester, my family went through a tremendous financial burden that cut down our source of income by almost 60%. My mother was unable to take care of my two little brothers and look after her business at the same time. I had to take the public transportation back home every weekend to work and to look after my family. The two hour-long ride and the chores I had to do at home, made it impossible for me to study. The financial situation also urged me to take a job near campus on the weekdays to support myself to pay for the tuition and my apartment. Even when i was at school, I was very distracted with the financial situation and was unable to focus on my schoolwork.

For the Fall semester of 2016, the main issue that brought my grades down was my attendance record for the in-class activities. Since my family's financial situation did not improve, i had to support them as much as possible. I was only able to attend some classes once a week due to work and this affected my grade by dropping me from an A to C+ in Course 1 and a B in Course 2. I failed to realize the damage this has caused to my grades till it was too late.

I love the University of XX and it would mean so much to me to graduate with a degree from this school. For the spring semester, i have secured two scholarships that will dramatically reduce my financial burden. This will allow me to focus more on my schoolwork, cut down two of my part time jobs outside of campus and manage my time more wisely. I also was able to obtain a job at the University of XX in the Department of XX as an Student Assistant during the Spring semester of 2016. This job has made it easier for me to manage my time better and supported me financially better than the other jobs i have taken. I will not be working two to three jobs that cut down on my time to focus on my schoolwork. Fortunately, my mother was also able to obtain a new job in the month of December to support the family, so I should not need to travel home every week.

I have also learned that communication is a big part of being successful, whether it be communicating with my professors, counselors or with the people around me. I thought I could handle all the burdens by myself, but i was wrong. I understand now that i should not avoid my professors and TA's, and talk to them earlier on in the school year if i'm struggling with my grades or personal issues. I have also talked to my parents regarding my situation at the University and they have agreed to support me financially if needed.

Please understand that my low GPA that led to my dismissal does not indicate that I am a poor student. Other than the in-class activities for the courses, I have good grades in the other aspects of the course work. I have improved grades on three courses compared to my previous semester. I just need an another opportunity to show my true potential now that my financial burdens are solved. I have taken many steps to ensure my success for going forward with my studies and pursue my dream of receiving an undergraduate degree from the University of XX. I hope you will give me a second chance. Thank you for considering this appeal.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 689 • Replies: 9
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dupre
 
  2  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 05:59 pm
I like the content of this letter; however, you have many distracting punctuation errors. Good luck in your appeal. I'm sorry you had such a financial burden and am happy it is resolved.
0 Replies
 
dupre
 
  2  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 06:10 pm
@needhelponessay,
I edited this a tiny bit for you. I think the opening sentence is too wordy and should be recast as two sentences, but will leave that to you.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to appeal my recent academic dismissal from the University of XX to explain the circumstances surrounding my poor performance during the spring and fall semesters of 2016 in hopes that I may be given a second chance at my dream of earning a degree from the University of XX.

I admit I had a very difficult time the last two semesters and my grades suffered as a result. The main issue that contributed to my academic conflicts was my financial situation. When I began my semester at the University of XX in the fall of 2015, I was dependent of my family to provide financial support. During the end of the fall semester, my family went through a tremendous financial burden that cut our source of income by almost 60%. My mother was unable to take care of my two little brothers and look after her business at the same time. I had to take public transportation back home every weekend to work and to look after my family. The two-hour ride and the chores I had to do at home made it impossible for me to study. The financial situation also required me to take a job near campus on the weekdays to support myself to pay for tuition and my apartment. Even when I was at school, I was very distracted with the financial situation and was unable to focus on my schoolwork.

For the fall semester of 2016, the main issue that brought my grades down was my attendance record for the in-class activities. Since my family's financial situation did not improve, I had to support them as much as possible. I was only able to attend some classes once a week due to work and this affected my grade by dropping me from an A to C+ in Course 1 and a B in Course 2. I failed to realize the damage this had caused to my grades till it was too late.

I love the University of XX and it would mean so much to me to graduate with a degree from this school. For the spring semester, I have secured two scholarships that will dramatically reduce my financial burden. This will allow me to focus on my schoolwork, cut down two of my part-time jobs outside of campus, and manage my time more wisely. I also was able to obtain a job at the University of XX in the Department of XX as a Student Assistant during the spring semester of 2016. This job has made it easier for me to manage my time better and supported me financially better than the other jobs I have taken. I will not be working two to three jobs. Fortunately, my mother was also able to obtain a new job in December to support the family, so I will not need to travel home every week.

I have also learned that communication is a big part of being successful, whether communicating with my professors, with counselors, or with the people around me. I thought I could handle all the burdens myself, but I was wrong. I understand now that I should not avoid my professors and TAs, and should talk to them earlier in the semester if I'm struggling with grades or personal issues. I have also talked to my parents regarding my situation at the University and they have agreed to support me financially if needed.

Please understand my low GPA that led to my dismissal does not indicate I am a poor student. Other than the in-class activities for the courses, I have good grades in the other aspects of the course work. I have improved grades on three courses compared to my previous semester. I just need an another opportunity to show my true potential now that my financial burdens are solved. I have taken many steps to ensure my success for going forward with my studies and for pursuing my dream of receiving an undergraduate degree from the University of XX. I hope you will give me a second chance. Thank you for considering this appeal.
needhelponessay
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 06:44 pm
@dupre,
Thank you so much for the revisions! I hope that this will be enough for them to give me another chance.
dupre
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 06:47 pm
@needhelponessay,
I hope so, too. Are you on academic and financial probation? Or what? I worked in academia for 8 years. What's your situation?
needhelponessay
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 07:01 pm
@dupre,
I was on academic probation during the spring semester of 2016 with an GPA of 1.868. In this semester, i was able to bring it up to 1.992. I'm being dismissed because i have 66 credits and have overall GPA under 2.0. The financial situation was a big role in dropping my grades from A's and B's to lows C's and D's. Hoping that since the GPA is so close, and i have found solutions for my problems, i have a higher chance of getting reinstated.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 07:13 pm
@needhelponessay,
I think it's a good essay. However, your first sentence is a run-on. Break it into two.
needhelponessay
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 07:30 pm
@jespah,
Thank you for the revision!
0 Replies
 
dupre
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 07:50 pm
@needhelponessay,
Thanks for the information. You are definitely on the right track, then, with an appeal. Best wishes, and please, do come back and let us know how that goes for you.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 08:47 pm
@needhelponessay,
You don't need to keep repeat the school's name in full.
0 Replies
 
 

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