Comedians on the Political Campaign

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Comedians on the political campaign

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Comedian commentary on the campaign:

"Late Show with David Letterman":

"I thought it was a pretty good debate. Both candidates got to dodge a range of issues."

"The only thing that Kerry and Bush agreed on was that there are too many 'C.S.I.' shows."

"At one point I was concerned about Bush ... Did he seem a little confused to you? Because at one point, he called out, 'State capitals for $200, Alex!'"

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"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson":

"The third and final debate was held Wednesday night in Arizona, with both candidates talking about the economy. ... Bush's solution for unemployment? He says sooner or later everyone will have a chance to host the Late Late Show."

"Some charge George Bush of being fed answers through a secret earpiece. There may be something to it. Every time he answered a question, my garage door went up."

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"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno":

"There's a new three strikes and you're out policy. But enough about President Bush in the debates. Let's move on."

"President Bush and Senator Kerry had their final debate last night. They were going after the undecided vote. Unfortunately the undecideds were watching baseball."

"In the debate, stern-faced John Kerry looked like he was at a funeral while smiling President Bush just looked giddy. It was like a before-and-after ad for Prozac."

"I think, even if you're not a fan you must admit, President Bush did a little better in the third debate. Like last night he spoke from the heart. See the last two debates he's tried speaking from the brain. And you see how that works."

"John Kerry's a little carried away. Today he blamed the eruption of Mount St. Helens on President Bush. He said when he's president, he'll hold a summit of all the volcanoes in the world - Mount Fuji, Mount Etna, Mount Vesuvius - and build a coalition of volcanoes. They will pass a volcano test."

"President Bush's approval rating has now dropped down to 47 percent. You know that lump on his back? Well, it's moved to his throat."

"Bush said to help with the flu vaccine shortage this year, he's not going to get a flu shot. Then he coughed and shook John Kerry's hand four times."

"I just hope Martha Stewart didn't watch the presidential debate. Because she must be thinking, 'Those guys are running around free and they put me in jail for lying?'"

"Bill Clinton is taping a phone message that will be sent to voters' homes asking to vote for Kerry. Though it's a recorded message, just like Bill Clinton, if a man answers, it hangs up."

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"Late Night with Conan O'Brien":

"After the debate, Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne, was upset that John Kerry brought up their lesbian daughter. She said, 'The only thing that upsets me more is the fact that I brought up a lesbian daughter.'"