Bought Mum a car n went wrong big time

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Mum has just just retired from work, she hadn't left the house for two weeks, seemed really down so to cheer her up I brought her a convertible 2 seater Mercedes. There was only one condition attached.. my 21 year old sister wasn't allowed to drive it as it costs me £750 a month and didn't think this was too much to ask. As I was buying an expensive gift for her to cheer her up. Previously my sister disallowed myself and my son to use my mums kitchen to cook breakfast as we were staying in my dads outhouse ( without a kitchen ) She has a terrible attitude towards me and my son . I'm not willing to pay out all that money to watch my sister drive around all summer in a sports car. I'm currently renting a 1 bed flat with my girlfriend and two kids while trying to save for a mortgage. My sister already has her own Mini Cooper. It was just gift my mum... something special just for her. I really didn't want my sister to take advantage of it. Hence the condition.
As my mum wouldn't agree I've given the car car to my girlfriend. It's totally impractical as we have 2 children and it's very expensive to drive. Because of this my family have disowned me, called me a monster and told me I should be ashamed of myself.

All I was genuinely trying to do was a nice thing to cheer my mum up. Despite it being a huge financial burden, and delaying me being able to save for my mortgage for the next year or so.

Am I really out of order ?? I feel like I'm losing my mind!!! I was only trying to do a nice thing . And I'm being disowned for it . Please can anyone give me some feed bsck... my mum, dad and sister are all giving me abuse for it.

URL: http://able2know.org/post/discuss/family_problems/

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 1,591 • Replies: 47

@KPVA,

A gift is supposed to be unconditional. So putting on the condition that your sister can't touch the car is mean-spirited and, frankly, kinda impractical.

But the same is true of the car itself. Sports cars are, by definition, expensive and impractical. Getting your mother an expensive car (when there are numerous other options out there which would have cost you far less) and then complaining about the price tag also seems out there.

So now you've taken your toy and gone home with it, by giving the car to your girlfriend instead of to your mother, all because of the dispute with your sister.

Sell the car if you like (me, personally, I would not keep it). Buy your mother something practical and less expensive if you like, or maybe just get her vouchers for a taxi or car service. Then your mother will have a means of getting around and you won't be so hung up on your sister's part in all of this drama.

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@jespah,

Terrific advice jes.

Yeah, I couldn't figure out how the OP is justifying spending close to $1000 a month (for how long?) on a sports car for mom, while living in a small apartment and trying to save up for a mortgage.

Mom obviously wasn't that impressed with the gift, as she refused it. Perhaps a less expensive, less maintenance, run around town car, that anyone in the family could use, would be more appropriate.

Re retiring and staying in the house.

Retirement is a life changer. Staying in or close to home for awhile (2 weeks isn't long) can be wonderful. Sleeping, decompressing, in general just looking at who you are, and having the time to do it, is wonderful.

Gifts are unconditional, and also should be geared to what the receiver would want, not the giver.

That's all I got.

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Well my mum already has a little run around car. She has plenty of money coming in n always wanted a convertable sports car, she just wouldn't buy it for herself. I earn a lot of money and have a lot tied up in a house with my ex, hence living in a apartment for now.
Why can't u give a gift with a condition??? I don't know anyone who would buy there Mum a sports car for no reason. My mother doesn't go out much n my sister takes advantage of her all the time anyway. I don't wanna pay for her to drive around all summer in a convertable sports car because that's what would happen n that is why she said no to accepting it. Because it would end up literally being my sisters car n why would I buy her a car when she's horrible to me n my son?
People are given trust funds on a condition, marriages have pre nuptureals which is marriage with a condition so why not a gift with a condition???

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@KPVA,

Who was responsible for insuring the car?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

My Mum but it was barley any more then her other car because of no claims n time triving etc.
What relevance is that??? Like I said money isn't the issue here??

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@KPVA,

If money isn't the issue then it doesn't matter who drives the car once you've given it to your mother.

You have no say over who uses a gift you give to someone else. It's not a gift if you try to control how it is used.

Set up an account for your mother with a limo service - then give them a list of places they're allowed to take her. Fine gift eh.

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KPVA, I am finding it hard to find the words to describe how disgusting you all sound (except your mother). I am British, and £750 is what many workers have to take home every month. You are loaded and think that you splash money around and it will make you a big man. Meanwhile big spoilt brat sister wants to swan around in a sports car. Conditional gifts are not really gifts. Your mother is loaded too, has a car already, doesn't need two, and sounds like the only sensible one out of the lot of you. Have you all got cash registers where your souls should be? Meanwhile your poor girlfriend and kids are having to play second fiddle to all this. Perhaps she'll be an ex soon as well, if she's got any sense. There is a question forming in the back of my mind but it is going to stay there.

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@ehBeth,

Ok it's not a gift, it's a bit more then a gift. It's a bloody sports car n if someone bought me one n said there's a condition. Your daughter cant drive it id either say yeah thank you very much I'll respect that or no thanks I do not want it with a condition.
Does that make me in the wrong??? I didn't need to go out my way and buy her a car now did I??
Was only trying to something nice for my mum but not for my sister as she doesn't deserve my kindness.

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@contrex,

It's actually something she's always wanted but even though she can afford it wouldn't buy one.
This is why I did for her but not for my sister. How is that so wrong??

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@contrex,

Who on earth earns 750 a month this day n age??? Really??

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@KPVA,

KPVA wrote:

Ok it's not a gift, it's a bit more then a gift.

it is significantly less than a gift once you put a condition on it

__

Interesting that you think insurance costs would be the same. I can tell you as a professional in the business that having a 21 year old on the policy would make a very significant difference in the premium. In fact, many insurers would not accept a 21 year old on the policy for an expensive vehicle without their own conditions. Since you are still paying on the vehicle, it belongs to the dealer and insurance to cover their interest would not be inexpensive. It's almost like a case study for moral hazard.

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@KPVA,

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Income_in_the_United_Kingdom

Quote:

Occupation Median full-time gross weekly pay (£)
Cleaners and domestics 285.5
Nursery nurses and assistants 285.2
Other elementary services occupations (not included elsewhere) 279.9
Retail cashiers and check-out operators 278.7
Leisure and theme park attendants 272.7
Kitchen and catering assistants 268.4
Hairdressers and barbers 267.8
Launderers, dry cleaners and pressers 259.3
Waiters and waitresses 257.6
Bar staff 253.6

median means that half of the people in that occupational group earn less than that amount and half make more

1 Reply

@KPVA,

KPVA wrote:

Who on earth earns 750 a month this day n age??? Really??

As take home pay, quite a lot of people. Possibly the poor buggers toiling away in call centres or on zero hours contracts to make you so rich.

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@KPVA,

KPVA wrote:

Who on earth earns 750 a month this day n age??? Really??

A: Far too many. Apparently none in your neighborhood or family. They count too.

Even if your mother took the car and wasn't going to let anyone else drive it, on principle she'd be right in not accepting the car 🚗 so as to avoid feeding this insane dynamic with you and your sister. The car would be a constant reminder of that feud. Get over this feud and get over yourself before you find yourself on the outside looking in with all your friends and family.

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The insurance money isn't an issue at all.
So I'm a bad person and In the wrong for trying to do something nice then I suppose.

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@KPVA,

Nice is not so nice when it's mired in such bad karma.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Median full-time gross weekly pay

The lowest paid poor sods at Sports Direct get £10120 per year. That's a net monthly of around £814. The UK statutory minimum wage will be £6.17 per hour from April 2017. That's around $7.60.

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@KPVA,

KPVA wrote:

So I'm a bad person and In the wrong for trying to do something nice then I suppose.

Unfortunately you think "nice" and "expensive" mean the same thing. Don't worry about it - there are loads of people like you; they may even be in the majority these days. It's just that some of us aren't, and this kind of thing really pisses us off.

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@Ragman,

I have 2 sisters. 1 of which is a lovely person who I wouldn't care if she borrowed the car for 2 weeks but I haven't gone into all the reasons why I don't want my younger sister to b able to drive it n why I would have given it to my mum with a condition. I suppose without everyone knowing everything and all the facts it's hard to get through we're in coming from.

I guess I am out of order then but genuinely was only trying to b a good person

2 Replies

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