Bought Mum a car n went wrong big time

It would seem that your motives are being questioned.

You didn't say sister has a bad driving record, you just imply you don't like her. And that's the reason she can't drive the car you gifted to you mother.

You put your mother in the middle of this issue by making her enforce your rules.

ASK your mother what she NEEDS instead of giving her something she really doesn't want and has strings attached to its use.

I understand your basic take, to cheer her up, even though all of us, including me, think the gift was no present. It shows a lack of understanding re how depression works.

I've (knock on wood) never had clinical depression even in the worst days of my life. Maybe I've some ok genes to counter my baddie ones. A fair amount of friends have struggled with it.

You might look around at websites about clinical depression, and how to deal with it re a friend or partner or parent. I'd also be wary, there is probably lots of nonsense out there on the boards.

Re depression, who is saying she's depressed? Her? Her doctor? Other people? Or is it something you've decided? Or decided for her, the way you decided she wants to have a particular car, and how she should use it?

I can only speak for myself, but having 2 different friends pop round the house to visit every week, and having someone else come over and watch movies sounds like way enough socializing to me. I'm certainly not depressed. People enjoy different levels of socializing, going out, etc. Was she ever the type to be out and about all time?

About the insurance. I'm not getting how a sports car with a payment of 750 a month is going to cost about the same to insure as a more average priced car. Plus was she supposed to pay insurance on both cars, or was she just supposed to be happy selling that one.
I got myself a new car about a year ago, paid cash, no lien, not incredibly nicer than my old one, and my insurance went up. And me with no claims on my insurance for at least 15 years.

Oh, the examples you gave about trusts and pre-nups? Those aren't gifts, those are legal agreements. A gift by definition is something that is freely given, without payment. Payment not just of money, but obligations or expectations. If you give a gift to someone and they smash it, like a child with a toy, and he lesson is on the giver to not do that again. At least until you can determine they would no longer treat their things that way.

This brings me to some of rhetorical questions and comments you've made that come across as (no insult intended, just observation) as defensive on your part. For instance, asking Sturgis if he had kids. What if he replied that yes, in fact he had 5? Telling ehBeth something like you don't like her so you're not going to listen to her. Your general comments that you were just trying to do something nice, and self abusing yourself as in "well I was just so wrong ". No one has ever said you weren't trying to be nice, and happily hasn't taken your bait on the,well I guess I'm just so bad. I'm guessing this is your usual way of dealing with some who doesn't agree with, or questions you.

Re her wanting a sports car. Did she really, as a concrete desire, or was it one of those things people just kind of say without truly having an intense desire? You say she has the money, but would never buy herself one. Well, was if she really wanted one that badly, I think she would have got it. Perhaps she thought she doesn't drive around that much, and wouldn't be worth it. I don't know.

Without a doubt, gift giving is a very tricky business. Number one problem is figuring out what the person Really wants, regardless of the words they are saying. In this case, however well meaning you were, she really didn't want a car. I don't think really and truly.

If she is depressed, a car isn't going to get her out of it.

What might help is if her family members were able to maturely solve their differences.

Bottom line, you approached us asking for opinions and/or advice. We didn't seek you out. There appears to be 100% agreement in your treatment of this matter, so do with that what you will.

It would be way too much for me.

Chai2, altogether a very well put, thoughtful and accurate post.

I would have stuck them all the middle finger and moved my family somewhere else. Who cares if they disown you, just get them out of your life and find somewhere you'll be happy.

Thanks contrex.

Going offish topic, but I'm not quite awake, and free associating....

Gifts.

I have two cats. I like cats, have always had them. I 'm in bed right now with one big fat one laying across my legs as a blanket , and a long thin one serving as an armrest as I type and drink coffee. I dare say we are all three quite happy right now.

That does not mean I want gifts of cat related tchotchkes. I' m not a crazy cat lady. To all of those who were required by give me a gift at a Secret Santa, white elephant and so forth, if they were pussy cat related, they were unsentimentally dispatched to Goodwill.

Yes, you were so wrong in giving me that candlestick holder, metal bookmark, tea towels and coffe mug. I feel badly that you wasted your money.

Well, big fat cat left to go to his next designated spot. I can go get more coffee.

You mean to tell me that the monogrammed pen which purred like a contented cat was not to your liking? Well, clearly some icy clown will need to write a thread about how their life is over because of it.

It was ok while it was purring, but then it started hissing a spitting ink all over.