I am starting to resent my BF because I pay for absolutely everything for us, how do i handle this?

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I have been seeing a very nice and good guy for about two months now but I am slowly starting to resent him. He really is very nice and I enjoy his company but I am having an issue with finances in our relationship as I pay for absolutely everything for the two of us.

He has a job and earns money but he has a lot of costs each month such as rent, his car, insurance, food and etc so at the end of each month he does not really have a lot of money to spare. I do not pay for rent and food as I am studying and my parents cover that but I have a job and earn money each month just to spend so I pay for everything for us.

He lives over an hour away from me and each weekend I have to drive to him or pick him up and bring him to me as he does not have money for the gas. I am also responsible for paying for all of the meals when we are with each other (this is breakfast, lunch and dinner). I also pay for all snacks, all drinks and everything when we go out.

I understand he does not have money to spare at the end of the month and I do have some money but it frustrates me that he can not even buy us a cold drink with his own money. If he stops at a garage and is thirsty and wants a drink he will ask me for money, when he invites me out with his friends I need to pay for us both and when I have eaten and go visit him and he is hungry I pay for him to eat too. It just frustrates me that I am paying for absolutely everything even the smallest of things like a cold drink for him. He really is such a nice guy and love his company and really see a future for us but at the same time I can not help but feel annoyed and irritated with him for this.

I do not feel he needs to pay for me but at least pay for something and I do not know how to bring the topic up or approach the topic without hurting him as he know he does not have the money but I also feel he is just being cheap and expects me to just lay and cover everything. How would you speak to someone about something like this?

Any advice will be appreciated

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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 3,083 • Replies: 29

Dump the tightwad.

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@pizzalover96,

Look up definition of the word: gigolo

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@pizzalover96,

pizzalover96 wrote:

He has a job and earns money but he has a lot of costs each month such as rent, his car, insurance, food and etc so at the end of each month he does not really have a lot of money to spare.

But now he has a girlfriend... he should adjust his priorities. His unwillingness to do this is, I think, the issue here. Anyway, if he can't even treat a gal now and then he must be seriously on the edge of penury. Are you sure he is telling the truth about his finances? Has he got a fancy phone? Big cable subscription? Live in a fancy part of town? Opportunities for overtime? Chance to get a better paid job?

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@pizzalover96,

pizzalover96 wrote:

How would you speak to someone about something like this?

One word: "goodbye".

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@contrex,

My father was dirt poor when he dated my mother. He scrimped to be able to take her out - and it took her a month before she realized he would always order the cheapest thing on the menu, or would claim he wasn't hungry. She adjusted her priorities, too, and helped him out in an era when women simply did not do that. They have been married for over 60 years.

The point being - if it matters to him, he will make an effort, and he will try to make it as fair as possible. But he's not doing that. I'm with the others. Send his sorry, cheap tight ass packing.

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Sleep with either your ex or his best friend. Double points for doing both.

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@pizzalover96,

Quote:

How would you speak to someone about something like this?

If he pays rent, gas, insurance, car repayments, food, cleaning products, jocks, socks, that new T-Shirt he wore last week, the telephone calls to you, he can eat sandwiches for a week and shout you out. There are always ways and he has money or he wouldn't be able to pay for these things. He just doesn't want to spend a cent, whilst he has someone that will do it for him.

If this was a budding romance you'd get a single rose, or a box of chocolates, something to say "thank you". 2 months will turn to 12 months and you'll have no savings at all.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner? When he's been paying his own way for breakfast lunch and dinner when you aren't there?

Hey, I've decided to start saving for our wedding. So I can only pay for gas to get to you now, how exciting, I'm planning for next year.

I see him running.

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@bobsal u1553115,

bobsal u1553115 wrote:

Sleep with either your ex or his best friend. Double points for doing both.

Huh?

1 Reply

His clothes. His shoes. Eyeglasses? Check these out. His furniture. Any new stuff lately? Assess his discretionary expenditure.

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@FOUND SOUL,

FOUND SOUL wrote:

Hey, I've decided to start saving for our wedding. So I can only pay for gas to get to you now, how exciting, I'm planning for next year.

I see him running.

This

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@pizzalover96,

There's plenty warning signs for you to get up and run fast away from him. And stay away.

1 Reply

@contrex,

That is a very good response. I actually do not know how he does not have money at the end of the month since he has quite a good paying job and he has only told me he needs to pay for rent, food, his car and insurance. I thin from now on I will just say I will no to giving him money and when we go out I will start only giving the amount I owe and if he has an issue with it we will end things because I can not be responsible for him too

1 Reply

@jespah,

You have a very good point. Thank you for your response. I think it is about time we break things off. I do not really see this ending, I could speak to him about it and see how he reacts or what his excuse is but I am not sure it will change, it might be time to end things

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@bobsal u1553115,

HAHAHA! I will keep this one in mind

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@FOUND SOUL,

I love your response. Thank you for bringing up that point. I think you are completely right, he must have been paying to go out with his friends and his meals on the weekends before I came along so he must be able to cover at least something.

I think I should definitely bring up your points to him and just explain that I can not be with someone that can not even but a simple cold drink for us when I was not around before and he could pay for himself then.

Thank you for your response and I think you are definitely right.

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@cicerone imposter,

I think you are right. Thank you

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@pizzalover96,

pizzalover96 wrote:

he has only told me he needs to pay for rent, food, his car and insurance.

If he really has very little money left over after paying for those things, and doesn not want to downsize any of them then he has, in effect, chosen a (selfish) single lifestyle. And a foolish one too. If he really has a well paid job (like he says he does) and chooses to have a good car, nice apartment, nice food, good clothes, boy's toys etc (If, in short he is choosing to have the maximum lifestyle his income allows) then he cannot afford to take part in an equal relationship with you. I see one thing missing from his expenditures as told to you. Savings. If he is saving money and deliberately not telling you about it, letting you pay for the fun times, that is a bad sign. If he is not saving at all, that is a different kind of bad sign.

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Bottom line, my guess is he has more spare money than he is telling you.

1 Reply

It sounds as if that guy is saving money at your expense. A real man would never do that to a woman he is supposed to love. You say he is very nice, but, Is he really?

You deserve a guy who treats you well, not a freeloader that takes advantage of you. That is not a relationship that would make you happy in the long run

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I am starting to resent my BF because I pay for absolutely everything for us, how do i handle this?

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