Its an oldie but a really goldie that one - it rates with the honest McDonalds employment letter!
Or the tech writer for atomic MPC
Dear Mr Mansill,
(May I address you as "Sir"?) With just the right mix of humility and confident self promotion, I hereby tender my application for the advertised position of Technical Writer with Atomic.
Recognising and emulating your wisdom in disclosing the selection criteria on your website, my application hereunder details my suitability for the position by addressing in turn each of the required candidate attributes.
a. Previous published technical writing
I draw your attention to my 4376 posts in the technical forums of your website. In fact, appointing me as a bona fide staffmember may help you avoid my lodging a legal claim for copyright ownership of more than 20 per cent of the historical content of
www.atomicmpc.com.au
b. Good industry contacts
Suppliers of PC peripherals will confirm to you that I am very well-known to their Technical Support and Warranty Claims departments.
c. Deep knowledge of all things computing
Sir, as you would know, computing is essentially a process of manipulating binary information. I can confirm that I am fully familiar with both binary digits - one AND zero.
d. 1337 Counter-Strike skills
Sir, as someone with your legendary CS prowess would know, there are two principal aspects to CS... killing, and being killed. I have chosen to specialise in the second of these.
e. A charming personality
My fellow Dungeons & Dragons players will confirm that my character, Virt the Badass Bard, rolled 3d6 in Charisma, the highest possible score (unless of course one is assisted by spells, magical artifacts, or other means determined by the Dungeon Master during the course of melee).
f. The ability to contribute to every aspect of Atomic
Sir, "every aspect" is certainly a broad, encompassing and testing measure. In the interests of brevity, I will list but a small sample of the many ways in which I can contribute to the non-written aspects of Atomic.
* Graphic Design: Certification from Microsoft in Advanced MS Paint.
* Distribution: Prior work experience putting materials in letterboxes.
* Production: Post-graduate Diploma in stapling and binding.
* Sub-Editing: more than 80 per cent of my posts in atomicmpc.com.au are subsequently edited to correct spelling and grammar.
g. A desire to make oneself a career in IT journalism
Sir, the Oxford Dictionary provides two distinct definitions for the word "Career"...
1. a chosen profession
2. to rush at full speed, uncontrolled
To ensure mine is the superior candidacy for this position, I propose to fulfill BOTH of these definitions, not only writing for Atomic, but also regularly careering wildly through your benchmarking room, thereby testing PC peripherals' resistance to shock damage.
Sir, I feel confident by this stage of the application that the superior merits of my candidacy are as clear as the perspex window in my Lian Li case. Please contact me when you are ready to discuss salary and start date.
Sincerely,
Virtuoso
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