My parents are forcing me to practice their religon!

Forums: Religion, Islam, Family, Apostasy, Forced Religion
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Back in May I posted a question on here asking how could I tell my parents that I am no longer apart of their religion, and a lot of the replies were to just tell them or to wait until next year when I turn eighteen, but I'm not sure if I can last that long. Recently my entire family has been cracking down on me, when it's time for our five daily prayers, even my little sister (who is twelve) comes back and tells me to get up and pray, but it's more of a command than a prompting. Since May Ramadan has past, and I had to starve myself all day just so that nobody would come onto me. On the last day of Ramadan I had to pretend that my menstrual cycle had started just to avoid getting out of one more day of fasting. On the same night, a sister at our mosque had asked if I wanted to get my henna done, and I agreed. On the day of the eid (which is a celebration following Ramadan) my mother had given me gloves to cover my hand because henna is considered tabarruj (display of beauty). I told my parents that I wasn't going to wear the gloves because it was my choice to show off my henna designs or not. My dad became upset with me and tried to make me stay in the house for the rest of the day. Which is a common pattern when I refuse to wear my hijab, or I try to go outside with some form of beautification. It has gotten to the point where I am in my house all day, because I REFUSE to comply and wear hijab any longer.

Even if I were to just come out and tell my parents that I left Islam, and that I refuse to practice, I fear I will be hit for it. And things will just continue down the path that it is on.

I'm really starting to feel like a prisoner and it's really hard. My life consists of the internet, and that is it. I'm not even allowed to get a job because my parents believe that a woman is not to work outside of her home.

Is there any other advice that someone can give me? How can I hold on for another YEAR! It's gotten to the point where I'm considering running away, but I know that's just a stupid move. Anything could happen to me, it's not like I have a place to run to. I've even tried to get married just so that I can have breathing room, but my parents won't marry me off to anybody because there's nobody here who is "righteous".

I can't take much longer of this.

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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 2,894 • Replies: 38

What country are you in?

1 Reply

As emotional as this seems to you and your family, I strongly urge you to follow their guidance, until you can move out. It is not for that long a time and you will have the rest of your life to live as you choose.

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Where are you? Are you in a country where you can safely leave the religion without immediate repercussion? I think what you have to do is start preparing yourself for a separate life from your patents. That means getting an education and figuring out what kind of job you can get to support yourself and preparing for it so that you can actually leave when the time comes. Do you have any friends in some other town you could stay with for a while?

As far as praying goes, you just have to say the words, you don't have to actually believe them, and saying them gives you protective cover. When you're under 18,you may need that protective cover, because you are unfortunately not in full control of your life/

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Seek a relative to live with.

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@Theunknown,

If you live in a western country there would be help for you to get away from the family. There are shelters for married women and their children, but also a unmarried woman like you can get shelter there.
You can find this over the internet.
If you live in a not western country it is not so easy to give an advise. The one to go to mosque and behave as you still believe is a good idea.
Are the rest of the family just as strict - I mean grandparents or aunts and uncles? If not maybe you can move in with them.
Or do you have relatives in a western country where you could go?
I assume you parents do not want you to get a further education, as they do not want you to work. How about a course in "being a good housewife" or something like that - just so you get out of the house.

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@Theunknown,

It also depends how old you are. If you are 18, then it becomes an easier choice, and if you are under 18, I would recommend against running away. It is better (and less dangerous) to wait it out a few more years.

I don't know if it helps or not, you should also know that Christians in the US experience the same kind of thing. The nice thing in the US is that once you leave a religious community, it is not that difficult to find support on the outside. I don't know if you have that luxury.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

She's a few months short of 18. I would think her options would be shaped by which nation she lives in.

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@Blickers,

Not always...
As a Muslima, she probably would be married according to sharia law, which is above the laws of the country in which she lives. You do not have to be a believing Muslim for this marriage.
A divorce will also take place according to sharia law. If the woman goes to civil court , she will only be "Real divorced if the husband accepts it" again sharia law is above civil law.
52% of the Muslims living in Sweden would like to see sharia law to be above Swedish law.

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@saab,

But sharia law is not the civil law in Sweden, and if she lives in a secular country like Sweden she can just leave when she's 18, get a job, etc. Right now her parents won't even allow her to work, so her ability to move out of the house will depend on which country she lives in, as others here have pointed out. If she lives in some predominantly Muslim countries, she might not have that option.

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@Blickers,

I just tried to tell you that for Muslims the sharia law is above the civil law.
So marriage, divorce, often inheritance will be handled according to sharia law.
Also how you punish your children and wife - zou have the right to hit them.
They do not care about civil law.
Do really think a young Muslima can walk out of her family just like that?
They are watched, not only by close family members, but the whole clan.
She will also have difficulties in a western country depending on her social network outside the Muslim network.
Even in Sweden honoury murder happens.

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@Blickers,

Sharia law doesn't exist. The Koran does not contain a legal framework, it's a set of principles. What we call Sharia law is the system designed by Islamic scholars shortly after the creation of the caliphate. When they came up with it they were very clear to point out it was just an interpretation. It was not set in stone and that every subsequent generation should revisit it and rewrite it.

Unfortunately the opposite has happened, so those who insist on practicing "Sharia law," are going directly against the wishes of those who wrote it.

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@saab,

saab wrote:

I just tried to tell you that for Muslims the sharia law is above the civil law.

That's a very sweeping statement. I'm sure Muslims like Imran Yusuf would not see Sharia as above civil law.

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@saab,

saab wrote:

for Muslims the sharia law is above the civil law.

that is not the case across the Muslim spectrum

1 Reply

@Theunknown,

A lot will depend on the country you are in , as well as the specific community your family worships in.

In Toronto, some young people /women have had success by finding supporters within their own communities. Some imams have been able to help parents/family understand that they are required to live within the requirements of the community/country they are now in. The sister who did your henna may be able to assist you.

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@saab,

Quote saab:

Quote:

I just tried to tell you that for Muslims the sharia law is above the civil law.
So marriage, divorce, often inheritance will be handled according to sharia law.
Also how you punish your children and wife - zou have the right to hit them.
They do not care about civil law.
Do really think a young Muslima can walk out of her family just like that?
They are watched, not only by close family members, but the whole clan.
She will also have difficulties in a western country depending on her social network outside the Muslim network.
Even in Sweden honoury murder happens.

I know Muslims, not the case for them. They have their extremists, as do we with various "Christian" groups, (many of which seem to fly the swastika as well-David Duke joined the Klan and the pro-Nazis together).

As far as honor killings go in Sweden, Muslims have been coming there for only a certain amount of time yet the number of murders, despite the rise in population, has stayed flat at around 100 cases a year. So there can't be too many honor killings.

I believe her ability to move out of the house when she turns 18 will be largely determined by which country she lives in. I wouldn't even know how to give her advice unless we at least know that.

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@Blickers,

Even if it only was one single honoury murder I would say it is one too much.
Will you please tell me how many Christiansgroups seem to fly the swastika.
And who many Christians are Nazis

Quote:

"Christian" groups, (many of which seem to fly the swastika as well-David Duke joined the Klan and the pro-Nazis together).

Depending on how strict a family is, young girls can have difficulties.
You hint that many Christians seem to be Nazi and then you compare them to certain Muslims.
There you went too far. Being a strict Muslim or Christian has nothing to do with being a Nazi.

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@ehBeth,

I am talking about 52% of the Swedish Muslims and around 40% of the Danish Muslims.

1 Reply

@Blickers,

Quote:

I know Muslims, not the case for them.

The Muslims we know and work with and have as friends do not come from very very strict families. Just like very intolerant groups of Christians usually prefer their own people.

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@saab,

Sweden also has this community

http://www.latimes.com/world/europe/la-fg-sweden-muslims-20160311-story.html

Quote:

In a country that feels increasingly ambivalent about its role as Europe's humanitarian superpower, a generation of progressive-minded young Muslim activists is stepping up to help integrate unprecedented numbers of immigrants into Swedish society.

Quote:

"The radicalization of youth is largely based on their being frustrated and made to feel like outsiders," said Barakat, the imam. "We have to address the social reasons for radicalization if we want to work in the long run for the society we would like to see."

I hope more native non-Muslim Swedes reach out to assist them in their efforts.

Quote:

Part of the young Muslim activists' strategy for integration is to link Sweden's Islamic communities with some of the groups that Muslims from repressive societies must learn to tolerate in a culturally diverse democracy. Barakat, for example, is a member of Coexist Malmo, an interreligious organization that includes Jewish, Buddhist and Christian representatives, as well as gay-friendly groups such as the Metropolitan Community Church.

1 Reply

My parents are forcing me to practice their religon!

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