Cheating with my boss

About 3,5 years ago I started working for this company. I had a rough start as a couple of colleagues tried to mob me out and almost succeeded. The company called me and "fired" me. As my husband and I were just deciding how to proceed, the company called me back and said I was not fired after all. Turns out, that another colleague "saved my ass". He managed to convince my boss that I was doing a good job for the couple of months I had been working there and give me another chance.
As it turns out, this was/is the best job I had ever had. I enjoyed the work and I received so much praise from the colleague who saved me. This colleague also praised me in front of my boss. I received so much praise and appreciation, it was almost embarrassing for me. After all, I was just doing my job and doing the best I could.
I had the feeling to receive special treatment from my boss. For Christmas I got special monetary benefits which I knew none of my collegues received. I kept quiet about all this as I did not want anybody to become jealous. My boss also started to do things which I thought was strange. So I came out of the office building one day, it was raining a bit. My boss was just leaving with his car. He offered me a ride but I was only heading a few steps to my own car. I declined. Actually I had declined several rides he tried to give me just because I did not want to be seen by my colleagues with him in his car as I suspected this would make them jealous. To top it off, my boss befriended me on FB. What should I do? Of course I accepted.
Time passed, a couple of years went by and I started feeling an attraction to him. I mean, I liked him. At home I started talking about him a lot. I was happy about the good relationship, the overwhelming praise, the boni etc. In other words, I did let my husband know that I get along with my boss quite well. Since my boss is the plant manager, both my husband and I thought it was great – I mean, I would never be in danger of loosing this job that I enjoyed so much.
My boss continued trying to give me rides when he saw me in the parking lot and praising me for every little thing I accomplished whenever I had a business meeting with him. On one hand, I found this praise uplifting and it really helped lift my low self-esteem. On the other hand, I could not explain this extent of praise but I thought it was due to that colleague who saved my job.
The end of last year I had my yearly appraisal interview with my boss. Again, I received a lot of credit for the things I had done in the company. My boss also started talking a little about his private life, how he started at the company, how he became manager. He talked about his kids, I talked about mine. When got up to leave his office, he got up as well and lightly put his arm over my shoulders while accompanying me to the door.
Him touching me like that sent shivers down my spine. Was he making passes at me? What the heck does he want?
I decided to set a “trap” for him. I changed my profile pic on my FB account. I selected a picture showing me, dressed sexy in a mini skirt. Me, wearing a mini skirt was highly unusual. At work I always wear pants and I had not worn a skirt for a few years. I had a meeting with my boss the next day and thought to myself “If he makes any remark about my new pic, means he is interested in more than just a work relationship”.
Next day came and I had the meeting. On my way out of his office he said that he liked the pic I put up on FB. I thanked him for the compliment and left.
A few minutes later I received an email from him, asking whether I have more pics of myself in a mini skirt. I wrote back something like “no, but what isn’t now could be later”. He responded “yes, it could be…”
Next day he wrote again, making compliments about how I looked on that pic, thanking me for some work I had done for me and.. calling me “dear”.
I responded that he is “killing me” with his remarks. He then responded in apologizing, that he did not mean to offend me. I wanted to clear this misunderstanding and wrote back that there is no need to apologize and that I liked him. Next mail I received, he called me up to his office.
I was like – oh my god, what now…. I told him that I liked him, well I do like him so why shouldn’t I tell him.
I went up to his office, stepped in. He was sitting at his desk. As I stood there, I looked at him, smiled and shrugged my shoulders. He then jumped up from his desk, came to me and started to hug me. I’m ashamed to say that it felt so good! I really don’t know whether I started or he did, but before I knew it, I found myself kissing him. My heart started pounding so hard, I started to tremble and, so was he. While he was kissing me, he said….oh it took so long, it took so long, finally…
Yes, finally he got me. I had felt this attraction for about two years and now the time had come I couldn’t resist any more despite of my husband, despite of my kids. My boss asked me about my relationship with my husband. I told him that there was nothing wrong. Now I know that it was a lie because if I can cheat on my husband then something is not okay. If I only knew what it is.
So now I’ve been having this relationship with my boss for the past 6 months. He has told me that he has cheated on his wife many times. It was of no surprise to me. We have come to the agreement that we will not call each other by first names as we do not want to arouse suspicion. Although I know this relationship will always be unfinished business, I am enjoying it.
So this is my story on how I have become a cheater. I still don’t know why I am doing it. I know I don’t love my boss, the sex is way better with my husband. I am thinking it’s just because it’s my boss. I am not doing it to get any advantages – I mean, I received these advantages before I got involved. I don’t need a raise and I don’t want to get promoted, I’m perfectly happy where I am now professionally. So this “why” question remains. Is it the excitement of doing something forbidden? I really don’t know.