Cheating with my boss

Reply Mon 25 Apr, 2016 08:42 am
About 3,5 years ago I started working for this company. I had a rough start as a couple of colleagues tried to mob me out and almost succeeded. The company called me and "fired" me. As my husband and I were just deciding how to proceed, the company called me back and said I was not fired after all. Turns out, that another colleague "saved my ass". He managed to convince my boss that I was doing a good job for the couple of months I had been working there and give me another chance.
As it turns out, this was/is the best job I had ever had. I enjoyed the work and I received so much praise from the colleague who saved me. This colleague also praised me in front of my boss. I received so much praise and appreciation, it was almost embarrassing for me. After all, I was just doing my job and doing the best I could.
I had the feeling to receive special treatment from my boss. For Christmas I got special monetary benefits which I knew none of my collegues received. I kept quiet about all this as I did not want anybody to become jealous. My boss also started to do things which I thought was strange. So I came out of the office building one day, it was raining a bit. My boss was just leaving with his car. He offered me a ride but I was only heading a few steps to my own car. I declined. Actually I had declined several rides he tried to give me just because I did not want to be seen by my colleagues with him in his car as I suspected this would make them jealous. To top it off, my boss befriended me on FB. What should I do? Of course I accepted.
Time passed, a couple of years went by and I started feeling an attraction to him. I mean, I liked him. At home I started talking about him a lot. I was happy about the good relationship, the overwhelming praise, the boni etc. In other words, I did let my husband know that I get along with my boss quite well. Since my boss is the plant manager, both my husband and I thought it was great – I mean, I would never be in danger of loosing this job that I enjoyed so much.
My boss continued trying to give me rides when he saw me in the parking lot and praising me for every little thing I accomplished whenever I had a business meeting with him. On one hand, I found this praise uplifting and it really helped lift my low self-esteem. On the other hand, I could not explain this extent of praise but I thought it was due to that colleague who saved my job.
The end of last year I had my yearly appraisal interview with my boss. Again, I received a lot of credit for the things I had done in the company. My boss also started talking a little about his private life, how he started at the company, how he became manager. He talked about his kids, I talked about mine. When got up to leave his office, he got up as well and lightly put his arm over my shoulders while accompanying me to the door.
Him touching me like that sent shivers down my spine. Was he making passes at me? What the heck does he want?
I decided to set a “trap” for him. I changed my profile pic on my FB account. I selected a picture showing me, dressed sexy in a mini skirt. Me, wearing a mini skirt was highly unusual. At work I always wear pants and I had not worn a skirt for a few years. I had a meeting with my boss the next day and thought to myself “If he makes any remark about my new pic, means he is interested in more than just a work relationship”.
Next day came and I had the meeting. On my way out of his office he said that he liked the pic I put up on FB. I thanked him for the compliment and left.
A few minutes later I received an email from him, asking whether I have more pics of myself in a mini skirt. I wrote back something like “no, but what isn’t now could be later”. He responded “yes, it could be…”
Next day he wrote again, making compliments about how I looked on that pic, thanking me for some work I had done for me and.. calling me “dear”.
I responded that he is “killing me” with his remarks. He then responded in apologizing, that he did not mean to offend me. I wanted to clear this misunderstanding and wrote back that there is no need to apologize and that I liked him. Next mail I received, he called me up to his office.
I was like – oh my god, what now…. I told him that I liked him, well I do like him so why shouldn’t I tell him.
I went up to his office, stepped in. He was sitting at his desk. As I stood there, I looked at him, smiled and shrugged my shoulders. He then jumped up from his desk, came to me and started to hug me. I’m ashamed to say that it felt so good! I really don’t know whether I started or he did, but before I knew it, I found myself kissing him. My heart started pounding so hard, I started to tremble and, so was he. While he was kissing me, he said….oh it took so long, it took so long, finally…
Yes, finally he got me. I had felt this attraction for about two years and now the time had come I couldn’t resist any more despite of my husband, despite of my kids. My boss asked me about my relationship with my husband. I told him that there was nothing wrong. Now I know that it was a lie because if I can cheat on my husband then something is not okay. If I only knew what it is.
So now I’ve been having this relationship with my boss for the past 6 months. He has told me that he has cheated on his wife many times. It was of no surprise to me. We have come to the agreement that we will not call each other by first names as we do not want to arouse suspicion. Although I know this relationship will always be unfinished business, I am enjoying it.
So this is my story on how I have become a cheater. I still don’t know why I am doing it. I know I don’t love my boss, the sex is way better with my husband. I am thinking it’s just because it’s my boss. I am not doing it to get any advantages – I mean, I received these advantages before I got involved. I don’t need a raise and I don’t want to get promoted, I’m perfectly happy where I am now professionally. So this “why” question remains. Is it the excitement of doing something forbidden? I really don’t know.
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Reply Mon 25 Apr, 2016 11:12 am
How 'bout that excitement of losing your job when private emails are subpoenaed in his or your divorce case? Or that excitement of being fired when HR figures out what's going on?

Deleted is never really deleted.

You think your self-esteem was bad before? Honey, you'll be looking up to that once the **** hits the fan. And it will.
Reply Tue 26 Apr, 2016 04:11 am

Dear Jespha,
what exactly are you trying to do with your message? Are you trying to scare me?
I live in Europe, in a Country where such relationships are not prohibited. As for the emails, IT (and all workers) have to sign a confidentiality agreement which prohibits doing anything with those mails.
You may not believe me, but I'm not stupid and neither is my boss. Nobody will find out if we don't want it to.
Nevertheless, I do understand what I am doing is unfair and disgusting. I am trying to find out the reason why I am doing it so I can get some help.
Reply Tue 26 Apr, 2016 05:51 am
Sorry but if you get someone that is tech savy --- as jespah says nothing is ever completely deleted in the tech world. Maybe your relationship isn't illegal -- but it will not look so good for you if your husband finds out and gets a copy of any of those emails. And whether such a relationship is legal or not where you work, it certainly would not look favorable to anyone else in your corporation - I cannot imagine there would not be any issues if it got out at your office that you two were having an affair.

And don't be surprised if the entire office is not aware of your affair -- people are not stupid and probably suspect it no matter how hard you try to hide -- they may not be able to prove it - but I am sure they are watching and just waiting for you to mess up.

Emailing such a thing is so stupid - I do not use the word stupid often but this is just so stupid forget about the whole moral side of things. And if you continue emailing be very careful - I know of at least two incidents where some one emailed out to what they thought was the individual at work, but mistakenly sent to the wrong person - in one case it was the entire department - and don't think you are too smart for that - the entire department one was ironically the head of the IT department. Quite entertaining for the entire company -- no one got fired, but it did cause these individuals to no longer be able to be promoted, etc.

I honestly have no sympathy for you - you are a grown adult and able to hold back on your urges. I will not try to make you feel better for hurting your husband and your children.

If you are truly trying to get some help -- then break up the affair and find a counselor.
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Reply Tue 26 Apr, 2016 06:19 am
what exactly are you trying to do with your message? Are you trying to scare me?
She is trying to knock some sense into your head. You know that what you are doing is wrong. You are cheating on your husband. If it is not wrong, or if you don't think it is wrong, then why not tell your husband what you are doing so he can decide if he wants to stay with a cheating slut or divorce you. Or maybe he will also think it is no big deal and start cheating on you.

I live in Europe, in a Country where such relationships are not prohibited.
Maybe they are permitted, but something tells me your company policy may well frown upon them. You'd be wise to check with HR to find out for sure what the company policy is.

As for the emails, IT (and all workers) have to sign a confidentiality agreement which prohibits doing anything with those mails.
Emails sent/received on a company server belong to the company. They can be accessed by ownership/upper management and they can be subpoenaed. If you think otherwise then you could be in for a surprise.

Nobody will find out if we don't want it to.
Every cheater in the history of the world believes this. Do you know how often they are wrong? Odds are pretty good that you will be found out. In fact, I bet people around your office are already talking and wondering.

I am trying to find out the reason why I am doing it so I can get some help.
This is an easy one to answer. You are doing it because it seems exciting. Maybe sex at home has gotten a bit mundane. This is something new. You know, the belief that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence type of thing. And you decided that screwing around was a lot easier than trying to make things more exciting with your husband.

So here is the help I will offer. Stop screwing with this guy and get back to focusing on your husband. If the two of you have issues that you have not written about here, then work on them. If you find that you don't care about hubby any longer, leave him, divorce him and have all the fun you want with this guy. But, remember, right now you are simply a piece of ass on the side for him also. I bet you are not the first person he has cheated with and odds are you won't be the last. Meanwhile, you are risking your family.
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