SHAGGY DEAD DOG STORY

exactly right--

Hey you two:

Well, I can't be online all hours of the day, particularly the middle of the night, to defend myself, can I?

They are all greedy, self-serving, conventional, spiritless people; my father chose a house above me, my stepfather beat me up, when he went with all her life savings, my mother went weird. I was absolutely deserted, so don't try to say that I was not .

The only decent one of them was my grandfather, and work killed him off.

I'm sad to hear that drom

Well, the past is the past, I guess ;(.

yes well like i say you can either use it as a reason to hate the world or you can use it as a reason to be love and make the world a better place
so others dont have to suffer the injustices you did...

really lifes too short to be down

That's right.

The way that I am to-day is the exact opposite of what they would have me be .

good for you my dear..good for you

Thanks, Col! Do you get on with your family, would you say?

yeah well my family is really only my mum and dad

i had a brother but he died as i said earlier
my grandparents died when i was young
and i dont really see my other relatives at all

my dad has a brother i see him now and again..

hmm yeah you know my parents are kind people

my dads a bit small minded bigoted and racist but hes also very generous and kind to his friends he was a bit violent with me and my mum and brother when he was younger but not too bad like i say his bark was worse than his bite
my mum was a great mum shes a simple woman and gave me a lot of love and support when i was young
so i didnt do too bad all things considered

Good; you learnt from their faults and picked up on their good points..

thanks dear

yeah well i wouldn't say i am totally out of it yet
i am still learning and working with it...
i still get angry and want to kill people(not that i ever have) but i am learning through seeing and feeling the pain i cause others and growing my compassion for their suffering...

i noticed a violent streak in my grandfather my father and my brother
and i still have to be on constant guard against my fireyness.

my grandfather once kicked the door down of the toilet and dragged me out and beat me up just cos i spent too much time having a poo and this was when i was about five but he died when i was seven, i used to exact revenge by running up behind him when he was sat in his chair and slapping his bald head while shouting 'slap head'..that pissed him off somewhat

my father was more angry than violent.... i mean he hit me a few times for things like leaving a saucepan on the stove and forgetting and going away and it burning and filling the house with smoke and one time when i was out playing with friend and i forgot to go to cub scouts and he came and found me in the car and beat me and wouldn't let me go out for the week but these were exceptions..hmm i once saw him hit my mum with a broom handle in an argument......
but it was his anger and the way he spoke sometimes that was worse..
once i was sick in his car..i couldnt help it... but he spent half an hour ranting at me telling me he wished hed never had me and generally nasty things...hmmm and he'd always tell me i was never good enough and useless and other bad things....
i lived most of my childhood in a state of terror and fear...and he was terrible to mum too and always put her down verbally...

on the other side he was a generous guy who bought me lots of toys and took me and mum all over europe on holiday and spent lots of money on us....

i remember the time it changed for me when as i grew up i became angrier and angrier too and i also grew to be very big(6ft2") compared to him(5ft6")so i was much bigger by the time i was in my teens...
and once i let him have all this anger back and told him what i thought and to go dick cheney himself but instead of getting angry back he started crying..
it was at this point in my life i suddenly realised that he had never meant to be that way(angry) you know he just couldn't help it cos its all he knew.. it was the highest love he could be and after id seen his human side things started changing between me and him
and nowadays we get on well
hes still racist but i can see is just how he was brought up(hes 74).

my brother was violent to but he was also into spirituality so he was kind of a blend of good and bad. he was an angry guy as well but the anger was balanced by his spiritual being..he was tha minister for the church of scientology here in leeds i got trained by him when i was 16-18 in this stuff...

hmm i've always been into spirituality and i've always felt a kind of energy that pervades everything, since i was young, thats all around us and i am into bigger things... like saving the world

i see how people create their own hells and heavens by being bad or good

ive always been the odd one out too...
i was the kid who was a loner at school and i didnt hang around with the rest but did my own thing..
anyway thats a bit more of me