I have a story regarding breastfeeding and Starbucks. I was in a Starbucks just last week, enjoying a cup of coffee and reading the latest issue of Capybaras Gone Wild, when I heard the door open and in walked a rather attractive woman with (as Farmerman is so fond of saying ) pendulous breasts.
Besides those breasts, she had a kid with her. One of those young ones that needs to be carried, a non-ambulatory creature.
Anyways she sits down and pops one of them bad boys out and I spit coffee half way across the room.
I was overjoyed. I looked up and said, "Thank you, God, for this unexpected offering."
But suddenly the woman picks up the kid and like some sort of greedy lamprey the kid goes to work on that beautiful mound of alabaster.
And blocked my friggin' view.
I was angry, to say the least. I walked over to the the woman, grabbed the kid, and set him on the counter. I had my view back.
But all hell broke loose at that point. The kid started crying. The woman covered up and started calling me all sorts of vile names, and the manager asked me to leave.
As I walked out I noticed all the customers giving me dirty looks.
What the hell did I do? I'm still trying to figure out why everyone was so pissed at me.
