Believe in yourself first!

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Hi There everyone,

Its hard to classify me as anything. I was raised Catholic but I never go to church unless I am attending a wedding or funeral. I would not say that I am an Atheist but I do not follow any particular organized religion. Some may even say that I am Agnostic but I really hate being labled just so I can grouped into a catagory.
Eight months ago my father passed away, this led me to start re-evaluating myself and my beliefs. Before my father's death I would pray every now and again, and by praying I mean asking god to bless those I love and care about. Since my father's death I haven't prayed once; I don't feel a need to pray. I suppose I was under the naive assumption that prayer would keep those around me safe and out of harms way. I was wrong. My father's death opened my eyes to the fact that this life is very short and at any given time can change drastically.
I have always been a fairly relaxed and happy person, anyone will tell you this. Now I am EVEN more happy and relaxed. When my father died, it was very upsetting to me, the worst day in my life in fact. I do realize however that the worst is probably yet to come. I am in fact only 23 and I know that I will lose more people in my lifetime. So I know that I must live in the NOW and appreciate every single thing that I have. However, I do still miss my father very much, I do not deny this, but he has made my life so much better just by being apart of it and I realize this.

I live by very few simple rules in my life.

Good Karma is my #1 rule. I always make sure I put out the positive because I ALWAYS get it back, I have proved this to myself time and time again. Any book will tell you this. I have been living by this rule for a few years now, even before I knew what Karma was.

I never fret about the little things. There are much worse things that can happen, I know this. Plus, there is usually always a solution to everything.

I don't usually complain about anything. No one wants to hear me complain; people who constantly complain about things are really annoying. I would never complain about something I could fix myself, I just fix it. I don't complain about something that can't be fixed, like the weather for instance, what good does complaining do? If I complain about anything at all, it is usually about something that someone else can fix.

I only live day to day, I never think too far down the road because it is impossible to predict what tomorrow will bring you. When tomorrow comes I am thankful for what is, in fact, 'today'.

Love is another important aspect of my life. I have plenty of people that I love and who in return love me as well. Imagine a world without love, I can't even imagine such a thing. Love is what it is all about.
Self love is also very important. Those who do not love themselves are not capable of fully loving someone else. I have read this statement in many books and have seen living proof of it over and over again. These people also remain depressed a lot of the time and are very critical of themselves and their appearance. Believe in yourself first!

I believe there is a God. If I didn't believe in any higher power, I would question why I am here. If there wasn't a reason for me to be here, there wouldn't be a reason for me to live. I don't expect anyone to live by this idea, this is only the way I interpret my life. I don't judge other religions. I don't participate in an organized religion because I was capable enough on my own to find a way to live in harmony. Other people need an organized way to believe in something. There are a lot of people who look badly upon religion, but when you think about it, religion isn't supposed to be a bad thing. It is essentially good with good rules and ideas.
I'm not here to judge anyone. I just live my life the best way I possibly can.

I am not here to force my views and ideas on anyone else. I just thought I would share my understanding of this life. Whatever makes you happy, whether it is believing in something completely made up in your own mind or nothing at all, if it makes you happy then that is all that counts!

Smile

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Re: Believe in yourself first!

Mel_S wrote:

. Whatever makes you happy, whether it is believing in something completely made up in your own mind or nothing at all, if it makes you happy then that is all that counts!

I agree with almost everything you said. And I can feel the honesty of your positive post. But this last sentence.

People make up some wonderful things to believe in their own minds. Unfortunately, some others think up some pretty dark things to believe in.

It apparently makes some people happy to believe in violence, then acting on that by doing terrible things like killing or torturing other people for example, kidnap kids, etc.

And while I agree its important to "believe in yourself," there are plenty of sociopaths who are running around out there who "believe in themself" and "made up whatever they wanted to believe in their own mind."

I wish it were as simple as "if it makes you happy then that is all that counts!"

Alas, I don't think that quite works, always, in this world.

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I realize what you are saying
I stand corrected and realize what you are saying, but of course by that statement I wasn't condoning any kind of bad behavior. Its just that I am a pretty free spirit and never push my beliefs on anyone. I assume that if someone is happy then they must be doing something right in their life to make them that way. I appologize for any offence that statement may have caused.

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Actually I really liked the rest of your post a lot.

Your attempt at putting out positive energy is working... Very Happy

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A lot of our religious and domineering parent upbringing keeps us in a place of feeling fear of not being good enough, always having to "do" something to be worthy and when mistakes are made, a feeling of failure and guilt, thus low self esteem.

Another spin on things from Marianne Williamson-

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

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Re: Believe in yourself first!

Mel_S wrote:

Eight months ago my father passed away, this led me to start re-evaluating myself and my beliefs. Before my father's death I would pray every now and again, and by praying I mean asking god to bless those I love and care about. Since my father's death I haven't prayed once; I don't feel a need to pray. I suppose I was under the naive assumption that prayer would keep those around me safe and out of harms way. I was wrong. My father's death opened my eyes to the fact that this life is very short and at any given time can change drastically.

Hello Mel. I'm sorry to hear about your father's death, and I'm sad to hear you've quit praying. Remember that prayers are spiritual, and that death of the body does not mean end of existence as our souls are immortal. Always try to have faith in that God does whatever is best for us spiritually. Prayers and blessings will not prevent people from dying, but this does not mean that they are useless. You mentioned that you don't feel the need to pray any longer. That I believe indeed is a mistake. All of us would need to pray. Not only for our own sakes, but for others'. If a prayer of mine can help somebody, would I not then be egoistic if I refrained from saying it? I certainly believe so. Now I'm referring to prayers for the spiritual well-being of others, prayers for the conversion of sinners etc.

Quote:

Self love is also very important. Those who do not love themselves are not capable of fully loving someone else. I have read this statement in many books and have seen living proof of it over and over again. These people also remain depressed a lot of the time and are very critical of themselves and their appearance. Believe in yourself first!

I must say I disagree. True altruistic love is not love of self, but love to God and to the neighbour. What we should try to do I believe is to attempt to efface our own egos. The smaller we are, the more we allow God to form us into the likeness of his image. Let God be everything, and stay small and humble. We should learn to recognize that by ourselves we are utterly useless, that we need to rely on God in everything, then God can fill us with his love and his wisdom, which is infinitely much better than that of humans. I.e., we should learn to accept our own wretchedness, but not let it depress us, since God loves us all the same.

Quote:

I am not here to force my views and ideas on anyone else. I just thought I would share my understanding of this life. Whatever makes you happy, whether it is believing in something completely made up in your own mind or nothing at all, if it makes you happy then that is all that counts!

I kind of disagree here as well. Happiness is nice, but it's not the reason why we are here. We are here to learn, and grow; to come nearer to God. What we should try to do, I believe, is that which we sincerely believe to be the right thing in every situtation, i.e. what we would believe God would have us do. This is rarely the most comfortable or the easiest thing to do, but it is surely the best thing for everyone from a spiritual perspective. That which is temporal fades and withers into nothingness, but Spirit lasts forever...

I wish you well with your life. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul, for He loves you and each one of us more than anyone could possibly fathom!

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Hi Mel,

I saw your post about your roommate first, then read this. So what I'll comment on is how I can understand how it would be annoying for her.

Overall, your attitude is that one can merely decide to be happy, to believe in yourself first, etc. For many people, especially those who are struggling with depression, that is simply not possible.

Science is increasingly showing that we all have different predispositions and inherent levels of happiness.

Think of it this way: you are a 6'10" star basketball player. Your friend is 5'3", unco-ordinated, one of her legs is shorter than the other, and she has bad knees.

You can tell her "believe in yourself!" and the rest and assure her that it all worked for you -- without it working for her. You're not starting from the same point.

So can you see how 5'3", uncoordinated her (still speaking metaphorically of course) would look up at 6'10", athletic you and get a little annoyed at the bromides?

To address your specific suggestions:

- Never fret about little things -- again much easier said than done. If you're already at a place where you can do so, great! If you're not -- like your roommate -- it just adds negativity to something very normal. ("I'm missed my bus and I'm upset about it! What's wrong with me??")

- Don't complain about anything -- this one is especially dangerous. Talking about things is one of the very best ways to deal with them. If your roommate knows you think people shouldn't complain, of course she'd have a hard time opening up to you!

- Live day-to-day -- it can also be quite dangerous not to think down the road. I know a lot of high school and college classmates who thought that way, went hither and yon, and are now in their mid-30's with no particular prospects. Which is fine if that's what they want, but a lot of 'em are unhappy with it.

Anyway, hope that gives you a little perspective on your roommate's situation. One thing you can maybe think about is implied judgement/ criticism. You might not think that you are judging or criticizing, but when you say things like, "Don't complain", and cite it as why you're happy even though you have been through such hard times (my condolences), there is implied criticism of complaining -- your roommate's -- and implied judgement of her desire to complain. This goes for much of what you write here.

Good luck to both of you!

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Believe in yourself first!

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