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My 8yr old will not zip up her jacket

 
 
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 06:09 pm
I cannot get my daughter, Leah to zip her jacket when its cold or pouring down with rain or even in wintertime when its freezing outside.

She will head towards the front door or come out of school gate with her jacket wide open/flapping so first thing I say to her is "can you please zip your jacket up please, you are needing to stay warm", she ignores me so I end up zipping it myself which is hard because Leah fidgets and wriggles about, however, I DO always get it zipped then say to her " you can do this yourself but I think you are lazy and want it done for you!".
 
Tes yeux noirs
 
  3  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 06:13 pm
Let her do what she wants. If she feels cold she'll do something about it. It's her body, not yours. This is the time in her life when she is realising this. She won't get pneumonia. When my daughter was 8 she announced "I am never wearing a skirt or a dress again". That was 30 years ago. She stuck to what she said.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  2  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 06:16 pm
@Scottish Irene,
This is not worth going to war over. When she is cold, she will zip it up.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 06:30 pm
@Scottish Irene,
If she's cold, she'll zip it up, much as you would do if you were cold.
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Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 06:45 pm
@Scottish Irene,
Try not to make it a power struggle. Take the energy out of her resisting and defying you.
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neologist
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 06:48 pm
The only exception I can think of is a possibility that she can't manage the zipper. If you are certain she is able, then be assured she will zip when necessary.
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Scottish Irene
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 06:56 pm
The problem is, Leah isn't allowed out at school break time until the school jacket is zipped,reason for that is because teachers don't want kids coming into class complaining of being cold or soaked plus it keeps uniforms clean, kids love playing outside so you can imagine how dirty uniforms would get if the jackets weren't zipped.

No parent has ever complained about having to wash their child's jacket, they wash and dry them in time for the next day plus the school issued 2 jackets.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 07:04 pm
@Scottish Irene,
That's up to the school to enforce. If Leah wants to go out for break, she'll do up her jacket.
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Scottish Irene
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 09:02 pm
Leah does zip up her jacket at school because she does want to be outside playing with her friends but she "doesn't like the rule" though.

I have even advised Leah's friends to zip their jackets too, which they usually do first time, the parents of these children think that I am "wonderful" and "very caring" because other parents would just let the kids get cold or wet!
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 09:57 pm
@Scottish Irene,
This is just one person's opinion and experience..so take it for whatever it's worth. I never zipped up my coat or jacket no matter who asked me to do it. I lived in the frigid New England, too. Somehow, I made it to age 65 without too many problems.
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Butrflynet
 
  4  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 10:03 pm
@Scottish Irene,
Quote:
I DO always get it zipped then say to her " you can do this yourself but I think you are lazy and want it done for you!".



You really say this to your daughter?


Have you considered the message you are reinforcing to her and her future self esteem issues?
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 10:10 pm
@Butrflynet,
That said, is the problem with any jacket or a particular one? Tried one that buttons or is a different fabric?

When I was a kid, and still do, I ran around in short sleeves while everyone else was bundled up. I don't like wearing coats. I will wear sweaters when necessary but not coats unless it is snowing and windy.
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Scottish Irene
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 10:11 pm
Butrflynet, the message that sends out is "you can do it yourself so why don't you!?"

Plus, tbh, no, I haven't thought about what it'll do for her self esteem but I do hope that ONE DAY, she'll do it by herself without needing asked, then I will praise her!

To your next question, it is with any jacket, she will only wear full zip jackets from Regatta, Helly Hansen or Craghoppers. She won't wear half zip jackets or ones with toggles or buttons, zips and velcro jackets from the brands mentioned are all she will wear.

Hoods are not an issue, she quite happily puts up the hood herself whilst I am zipping the jacket.

Another quick point, I usually zip it right to the top but she unzips it to about chin level unless I quickly hold her hand, in wintertime when its snowing, I don't let her unzip it to chin level, it stays zipped to the top with hood up also.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  4  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 10:14 pm
@Scottish Irene,
Well there is your answer ... if you really want her to zip her own jacket then make similar rules..if you do not do abc then you cannot go outside with your friends.

Why does she follow the rules at school and not at home... there are repercussions for her actions or lack there of at school but none at home.
Scottish Irene
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Nov, 2015 10:46 pm
@Linkat,
I have tried that but she takes a tantrum :-(.

If she wants to go to the swingpark with friends, which she does most days, even on days that weather is unpleasant, then I will most likely say "until that jacket is zipped, you aren't going to park with your friends".

ERM, yes at school there are consequences, no zipped coat means no playtime or recess so, because Leah wants to be outside with her friends, she will zip the jacket whilst at school despite being against the rule!
Pearlylustre
 
  2  
Reply Sat 7 Nov, 2015 03:33 am
@Scottish Irene,
I'm a little bit lost for words on this but I'll join in anyway...
One winter my (then early teens) daughter wouldn't wear her school sweater because she thought it was slightly too big and not very flattering. I told her that she was ridiculously vain but let her walk over a kilometre to school on cold frosty mornings in a short sleeve polo shirt. Her choice. She didn't die. Didn't even turn out to be very vain.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Sat 7 Nov, 2015 09:34 am
@Scottish Irene,
With something like a coat that has natural consequences, I just let my daughter make her own mistakes and live with them. There have been a couple of times where I told her she had to bring the coat in the car just in case, but I didn't make her wear it (in these cases she ends up wearing the coat anyway because it is cold).

There are somethings that are important to me and don't have immediate natural consequences -- like brushing her teeth. In this case, I set up an additional consequence if she refuses to brush her teeth (for us, taking away screen time works very well), and then I don't fight. If she doesn't do what she is supposed to do, she gets the consequence (the next day).

It is simple. Everyone understands the rules. And she knows that a temper tantrum isn't worth the effort.

If the coat is that important to you (and I agree with other posters that this is something a parent can let go), then set up a consequence for her. Then there is no need to fight with her... if she doesn't do what she is supposed to, she gets the consequence. After a couple of times, everything will be fine.

But again, pick your battles... is forcing her to zip up her coat really worth the effort?

0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Nov, 2015 10:12 am
I'm one who likes jackets to keep warm, always have, but I never zip my wonderful lined Patagonia jacket all the way to my chin. To me that is too constricting, why would I like a zipper top hitting my chin if I move my head down? and, besides, I like wooly scarves, which are much more malleable while still warming, around the neck and then tucked under the jacket.

People's metabolisms differ, and liking things your way for your own body starts rather early in life. My own metabolism has changed markedly since I've been on the thin side lately in my older years and for varied reasons don't get the big amount of exercise I used to. So, I tend to side with your daughter on this. That said, I wouldn't be sending her out in freezing weather without the jacket entirely. I can see maxcondona's take on all this.
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Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Sat 7 Nov, 2015 05:12 pm
@Scottish Irene,
If she takes a tantrum, then walk away and leave her alone. She will soon learn that throwing a tantrum will get her no where. And be consistent.

But I agree with others . You choose the battles that are most important..
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ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 7 Nov, 2015 07:02 pm
@Scottish Irene,
Scottish Irene wrote:
so I end up zipping it myself


this is not teaching her to be responsible

if (for whatever reason) you have a rule that she has to zip up her jacket, then your daughter needs to zip it up before she goes out. not you.

ignore/walk away from the tantrums. she wins if you do zip up her jacket to avoid the tantrum.

___

separately, sort out why you need her to zip up the jacket.

not everyone has the same body temperature and/or temperature range tolerance. My partner and I sit outside on patios to eat burgers when other people are walking by in winter coats. I'm not as toasty hot as he is, but there have been a number of times when people asked for blankets inside my house when I'm comfortable. Being told to zip up a jacket that I don't need to keep warm would make me furious. I've got a friend who has problems with her thyroid. Even when she's stabilized on meds, she is only comfortable in a tiny temperature range - she'd be zipping up in a jacket when most people are ready to wear shorts.
 

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