fell in love with a girl online who i never met and dont know what to do...

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i m 27 . i dont have a girlfriend for 8 years... it must be because of a little psychological thingy what happened to me at my last relationship, i couldnt trust people after that, not as friends and not as partners either... but maybe thats not important now... so now i m in love with a girl... never met her, talked with her online for 3 years and felt finally i could trust a person and deeply fell in love... she said she cant love me cause we never met in person and she was hurt too many times in life and dont have boyfriend long long ago and just cant trust me either... i told her that i wanted to meet her in person than she started to cry... i dont know... she seems to be in a big depression herself and so closed up... should i totally abandon my ego and try to stick close to her so she gets better? and maybe than she will trust me more? should i slow down a little bit with myself writing her how much i missed her after every time she comes online? does that scare her? last time she wrote she doesnt believe it and smiled... i dont know... its only my 4th day withouth her, i keep waking up to throwing up and cry myself back to sleep... i m thinking about writing to her again cause it was me who said i wont write to her anymore because she not loving me and treating me like everyone else tears apart, but not writing to her hurts even more as i notice... a lot more... so i dont know... i said farewell to her... if i wrote her again would i look too pitiful? i gave up my pride for her already a lot of times... so i dont know... i think i would give up my pride again... finally i found a person who i could love... for a nod from her i could bring down the stars if she wanted to... really really really dont know what to do...

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 823 • Replies: 6

@galeri,

You need to pull yourself together.

If this gal is that depressed, then she needs treatment. Your affection (sorry, I can't call it love if you have never, ever met) is not enough. That's not a personal attack; it's reality. People who are depressed need care, just as much as people with broken bones do.

And the truth is, you sound pretty depressed as well. You have been using this girl as a lifeline and that's nice, but it's overwhelming. It's too much. I really recommend counseling for you as well, because you need to get out and meet people, in person.

This does not mean that love can never, ever happen online. But three years without meeting should tell you something, particularly as you are over 18 and should have had the freedom to go where you pleased, including to visit her. Yeah.

Please go to your doctor and ask for a referral. I fear you are avoiding society and I suspect this gal is seeing that, too.

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@jespah,

I couldn't have said/written it any better.
That's some excellent advice.

Fantasy is not a suitable replacement for reality of a flesh-and-blood contact. The obsession...or habit of talking to this person with similar type of trust issues...simply is not healthy for either. If it could ever be future relationship would depend on what happens AFTER both of you get professional help.

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May I ask how you even know if she really exists.

Do you Skype? Have you exchanged pictures, at least?

How do you know "she" isn't some 250 lb. truckdriver from Mississippi?

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@galeri,

galeri wrote:

i keep waking up to throwing up and cry myself back to sleep

please make an appointment with your doctor - let the doctor read your OP here and help you with a referral to a counsellor

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@galeri,

I urge you to follow jespah's advice. Seeking help doesn't mean you are weak, and many people deal with depression. Don't think of it as fault, its a chemical imbalance like diabetes or other conditions that require treatment to live a full life. Sometimes talking to an impartial party will help to you decipher your feelings. When I was much younger I could get sucked into other peoples drama, all I wanted to do was help and many times all the party wanted was an audience. I'd be in knots with worry and really to no avail. It took me awhile to learn how to recognize a tar baby (it that term too obscure) and avoid having my life turned so far around I'd neglect myself because the other person seemed to be in such a tragic state. I hope for the best for you. Good luck.

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@galeri,

All the people here have given you excellent advice. A relationship is not a cure for your own issues. Work out yourself first and then you can see the amazing and vast world out there.

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fell in love with a girl online who i never met and dont know what to do...

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