Help please! What hair colour do i use + developer + toner? xx

I wanted to go lighter with my hair so when i was on holidays i got my hair done. I got babylights put in and the hairdresser had to put in reddish tones in my hair to even out the different colours i had (i previously dyed my hair many times then had the colour stripped-not by bleach but by colour remover- but my roots were darker than the rest of my hair so thats why she did that). I told her i wanted an ashy brown colour and then really light babylights. She did that but the babylights werent that bright because she didnt want to lighten my hair too fast and she had to put in that warmer reddish tone. She told me which dye to get the next time i dye my hair to get the ashy colour i want (im a member of a beauty supply shop so i can get professional dyes etc) but i somehow ended up getting the wrong one. Instead of me having an ashy colour, i now have a lightish golden browny colour with the babylights a bit lighter. And after a month my roots have grown out. Its very golden and orangey. What i want to do now is to add more babylights and have them pretty blonde at the top 1/2-3/4 of my head and then balayage the bottom back bit. And then dye over with a medium/light ash brown colour. My roots are in between a normal brown and dark brown colour. What i need to know is do i have to dye or lighten my roots first before i do the babylights to ensure an even colour and no demarcation line?
For the babylights what percentage developer do i use with the bleach? Do i tone after the highlights and what toner do i get?
And finally what colour/name dye do i get to turn my golden/brassy/orangey hair into an ashy brown colour? (I used the alfaparf brand).
I know thats a lot of questions but i just want to be sure that i do this correctly. I do not have the money to get it done professionally right now but im pretty confident in my technique and how ill go about doing this because ive been researching and watching videos and practicing on my hair so i know what im doing when the time comes. The only thing i need help with is exactly what products to get to achieve the look i want. Can anybody please help me with this? I hope i made sense explaining everything.