msolga wrote:Not a curse, but an insult: Your village called, their idiot is missing. Phone home.
That sounds vaguely similar to Setanta's tagline, but I believe his was Texas-specific...
...warding off all these curses flying about...
George wrote:
...warding off all these curses flying about...
May you always be caught in an airport wearing something like that on your belt.
May you miss all your connecting flights, all the time.
I always liked, May a diseased camel upchuck on your face while a wayward golf ball strikes your goodies.
May Homeland Security always have you on their shite-list.
For a Jew:
May the moyel circumcize your first born son and bless the wrong piece!
For a guest:
May your drive home be uneventful, and all of your evenings as well.
For a Trick-or-Treater:
May you get a milliongajillionbillionzillion pieces of candy and
a) may their combined weight crush your fragile bones.
or
b) may the bully who spots you be in proportion to your candy load.
For a singer:
May your voice be silky like sandpaper.
For a man going to a massage parlor:
May you find the right type of massage and the wrong type of gonorrhea.
The parent curse:
Someday you're going to have a kid just like you.
I will use the phrase in Cav's avatar to curse
John-Bush wrote:I will use the phrase in Cav's avatar to curse
Heh heh, an oldie but a goodie. Very direct.
But not complete. you must add the "and die" for it to be completely effective.
From Chelm you are, the local dolt!1
"May a child be named after you soon.2
May your blood turn to whiskey, so that a hundred bedbugs get drunk on it and dance the mazurka in your belly button.
May the worms hold a wedding in your belly and invite all their relatives from Yehupetz to Slobodka.
May your stomach churn like a music box.
May you be caught between a heifer and a bull who thinks he's Thomashefsky.
May you be seized by a nine-year convulsion.
May all your teeth fall out -- except one, so you can have a toothache.
May you turn into a lulav, so I can shake you for seven days and put you away for the rest of the year.3
May your teeth get angry and chew off your head.
May God answer all of your prayers -- and then may he mistake your worst enemy for you.
May the heartburn after one of your meals be strong enough to heat the Czar's palace.
May your corns grow higher than mount sinai.
May your bones be broken as often as the Ten Commandments.
May your husband's father marry three times so you'll have three mothers-in-law.
May the dybbuks of all King Solomon's mothers-in-law settle in your mother-in-law and may they all nag you at the same time.4
May you fall into the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians is finishing a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer.
May your enemies get cramps in their legs when they dance on your grave.
May you back into a pitchfork and grab a hot stove for support.
I wish you everything you wish me, and everything you'll regret not having wished me after I've wished you everything I wish you."
--taken from The Big Book of Jewish Humor edited and annotated by William Novak and Moshe Waldoks.
1Although a real village, in Jewish folklore Chelm is populated entirely by complete idiots.
2 In Judaism children are named for the dead.
3Sukkot, a festival begins which tonight, includes the shaking of the lulav -- palm, myrtle, and willow branches -- and etrog or citron.
4A dybbuk is a transmigrating soul who gets caught in someone else's body.
can't remember where i read this, sort of a curse
may those that love us, love us
and those that don't, may the lord turn their hearts
and if he can't turn their hearts
may he turn their ankles. so we'll know them by their limping
