Upskirt photo

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Please help. I'm unsure what to do. I'm a 42 yr old woman currently dating a 41 yr old man for the past 9 months. We have been getting on well, the relationship building slowly since we have both been hurt badly in the past. The past 2 weeks have been bliss. However he gave me his laptop to use and he had not closed a photo he deleted, an up skirt photo of one of his young employees, her work shirt clearly visible and a photo which she was not aware had been taken. I swipe the photo snd it disappeared, and then of course there was a photo of a naked young blonde girl on a bed. I went into shock but I think the next photo was a close up of her head. I took the computer straight to him and started crying, he was just blank. His 2 young girls were in the room and were unaware what was going on so we could not discuss it, nor was he prepared to go into a separate room to discuss it. His 7 yr old had previously told me his pin lock code for his iphone, yes I grabbed his phone to look through but there was a major struggle between us, he was desperate for me not to see what was in his phone. I said I didn't care what was on there, just wanted to delete the few photos he had of me, which he hasn't done because he didn't want me to see the other photos. I had some flashes of some photos, yes heaps of porn and close up head shots of beautiful girls, but I know there was much worse stuff on there. I am grappling with my emotions, I was completely besotted with this man, and just wish there was someway I could trust him again, but I need to know if there is any hope with someone who can take an upskirt photo of his young employee? I really want to be able to trust him again.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,145 • Replies: 12

@Defeated11,

He lied and presented himself in such a way that you believed him to be ethical and moral. In my mind irreparable damage has been done. His stolen spying images (not the porn) is the problem because it shows his lack of morality and ethicality.

Porn images can be put aside...in the assessment of his character or of what to do...but taking upskirt pics of fellow employees is repulsive and it (and lying) is a deep character flaw.

The issue and all that uproar with his kids and the who knows what other pics. --- well... what more stuff is hidden as far as his other behaviors- who knows?

I think he can't be trusted. Porn itself isn't the showstopper (not to defend that part). Sorry to be so blunt, but it's time to bail out.

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@Defeated11,

Sounds like you have a problem with his erotic interests. If so then find someone else, because the chances that he will give it up for you or anyone else is about zero.

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@Defeated11,

Quote:

His 7 yr old had previously told me his pin lock code for his iphone,

Why would a 7 year old be giving you his/her father's pin lock code for his phone? Why would you then memorize it for future use in a tussle?

Quote:

he was desperate for me not to see what was in his phone. I said I didn't care what was on there, just wanted to delete the few photos he had of me, which he hasn't done because he didn't want me to see the other photos. I had some flashes of some photos, yes heaps of porn and close up head shots of beautiful girls, but I know there was much worse stuff on there.

If you have not snooped on his phone prior to this, how would you know there were heaps of porn and close up head shots of girls and also know there was much worse stuff on there? How would you know he hadn't deleted photos of you on there if you hadn't previously been snooping on the phone?

Something smells a bit fishy with this story.

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Sorry I'm not good at explaining myself, and I just couldn't detail everything because the post would be way too long. It was just something the 7 yr old blurted out, just a cheeky thing that she was proud of herself that she knew something. And she just said it was the four corners of the code, it took me a few goes to work out. He would have deleted my photos but he couldn't show me that he was doing it because in order to do it he had to show me his phone which he didn't want to do. I have been staying with my parents temporarily and he has called everynight saying how sorry he is, and hiw he wont do it again, I never asked him to but he swore on his childrens lives that he has never touched anyone else since being with me. I have encouraged his exotic interests with me and don't care about porn. It was the sneaky and unprofessional thing he did which makes me doubt his personailty, I desoerately want to give it another go despite my better judgement. I just want to know if there is any hope with someone like this? If this is an acceptable behaviour and I am overreacting let me know because I just want it to work with him so much.

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@Defeated11,

Quote:

an up skirt photo of one of his young employees, her work shirt clearly visible and a photo which she was not aware had been taken.

The above, in my opinion, is not acceptable behavior between a employer and employee.

It is up to you to decide for yourself what to do about it.

If this

Quote:

It was the sneaky and unprofessional thing he did which makes me doubt his personailty, I desoerately want to give it another go despite my better judgement.

is how you feel about his action, what stops you from listening to your "better judgement?" Why are you "desperate" to ignore your better judgement?

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@Defeated11,

At the risk of tedious repeating, taking upskirt photos of fellow employees is unethical and shows a serious lack of sound judgment. What would he do if someone had done that to you and you found out they did that? Do you wonder what would his boss say about his behavior?

What would have happened to him had he gotten caught doing this? He probably would have been fired on the spot. Maybe the female victim would have taken him to court, as well.

Nice partner! "Hey, honey. What happened at work today?"

What a scum he is. If that is who you want to settle in with, then you are acting desperate. Don't you think you deserve someone that has some ethics and morality?

Quote:

I just want to know if there is any hope with someone like this? If this is an acceptable behaviour ...

There's no hope unless he decides that we did was wrong and seeks out some sort of resolution ...perhaps counseling?

Is it acceptable behavior? I think you already know the answer to this. Makes a person wonder why you chose that name...Defeated.

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@Defeated11,

Defeated11 wrote:

However he gave me his laptop to use and he had not closed a photo he deleted, an up skirt photo of one of his young employees, her work shirt clearly visible and a photo which she was not aware had been taken.

As this is illegal in the jurisdiction I live in, I have to say I'm a bit shocked you didn't take his phone to the police right away.

_____

It's also a firing offence in many companies. You should have reported it.

_____

I can't really begin to imagine why you would consider a relationship with this kind of person.

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@Butrflynet,

Quote:

Something smells a bit fishy with this story.

Maybe it is that she is claiming that all of this came about while she was so besotted with this man that she broke into his phone to delete photos of herself.

Kinda strange.

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@Defeated11,

1. Were any of the photos of underage girls? If so, contact the police.
2. The upskirt, in my opinion, is the biggest red flag and a good reason to make some distance between you.
3. There could be a lot of reasons why he'd keep his sexual interests/porn away from you. One of those reasons might be that there's something in there that he thinks you and/or others would consider to be deviant or twisted. Either because it really is or because he sees you as prudish. If you're still interested in a relationship with him, figure out which. If you want to break up with him, assume the worst regarding the photos you didn't see.
4. This guy is stupid. Not just for the upskirt, but for keeping sensitive images on a phone in the first place, then letting the PIN get out, then not changing the PIN. Derp. Do you really want to be with a guy that stupid?

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I wore a kilt to a wedding once, and endured a full evening of slightly inebriated ladies creeping up behind me and taking snaps with the disposable cameras that had been dotted around on tables in order for people to record the festivities.

God knows what the happy couple must have thought when they reviewed the resultant photos.

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@Lordyaswas,

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@Defeated11,

"Deleting" files from computers doesn't delete them. They're still there but the space they occupy is now designated 'overwritable.' But especially on very large modern harddrives, the other space may be used long before the space of the images gets used so the info is recoverable until it's overwritten.

Can download 'secure delete/erase' type programs to repeatedly overwrite discs to make sure info is really gone and (generally) unretriveable.

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