dumped for a man

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Recently I had made plans with my cousin to visit her in another state. She and I have been visiting for a while now and talked on the phone at least twice a week. On Dec 3 I found a good airfare price so I called her to clear the dates so I could visit her and see her new home. She had been asking me to visit. She said the dates were clear and please come to see her. I bought the airline ticket and planned the trip. I received a phone call from her several weeks later stating that a man she had met only a few weeks after our plans were made had asked her to go on a cruise and she wanted me to change my plans. Her two options for me were to accept the difference in airfare and reschedule or come on down anyway and I could stay in her house and watch her dogs. There was no offer for her to tell the newly met man that she already had plans. I was hurt and insulted so I told her to forget it an I would not come down. She maintains that if I cared about her I would want her to go with this man "that could be the love she was looking for" and do one of the above mentioned alternatives. I am really upset that she did this to me and I guess I need some advise as to if I am wrong in being hurt and angry or if she was really being thoughtless and self serving. So anyone got their 2 cents on this ? I really need some feedback because it is eating me up. I would not do this to anyone.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 926 • Replies: 7

@boogs,

What, you didn't want to spend your expensive vacation volunteering to take care of two dogs while your cousin went out on a cruise with someone she just met?

Cripes, don't you know what an amazing privilege you've been offered, to pay to be her slave labor?

Note sarcasm.

She's acting like a jerk. If this guy is the awesome love of her life then he would have been happy to open up his calendar and set the cruise for some other dates. Sounds to me like he had the tickets already (possibly he was fresh out of some other relationship) and a new girlfriend and decided to put two and two together.

I get the feeling he's not going to be the awesome love of her life that she thinks he'll be.

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@jespah,

I don't think it has anything to do with him. I honestly don't think she even told him about her prior plans. At any rate she is saying I am the one that is being unreasonable because If I thought anything about her I would be happy she found this man and accommodate her wishes. She thinks because she offered to pay the difference in airfare for the change of flight I should not be hurt by her actions. What do you think about that. Thanks for replying. I really didn't think anyone would. lol

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@boogs,

You feel what you feel - she has no say in the matter.

As for the rest of it, she's essentially offering to pay you the difference in airfare as your wages for dogsitting. This has transformed from a vacation and catch up/friendly time with your cousin to a commercial transaction.

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@jespah,

Why are you saying this?
the guy could be an awesome guy who treats his newly found love to a cruise.
What was he supposed to ask her to swear on a Bible that she will not hurt anyone by going with him?
Cousin is the one in question.
However I would not be bending out of shape knowing that my cousin might going to have a great time with a man who does something not every man will do. And just suck it up and wish her luck!

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@boogs,

If your cousin offered to pay the difference in your airfare I would not be mad at all. She is after all as every woman wants to have love and living life!
Why can't you be happy for her and get another ticket and listen to the story of the cruise and see the pictures together?
I always think what is important more.

We had recently had almost the same thing with cousins. One came with her husband and another one stayed with a guy she had met a week prior to me booking resort for all of us. My daughter was upset but I told her when you are
going to fall in love - we will talk.

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@jespah,

Jespah, I am guessing the the cousin is offering to pay the airfare difference for her to come down during a different time frame when she would be there. I'm reading it that way. Or as an alternative, she would keep the current ticket and come down and dog sit, which would be ridiculous for the OP to even consider.

That said, I think the cousin is at least being reasonable. She is recognizing that her change in plans to go on this cruise may create a financial issue for her visiting cousin and has made the offer to pay any airfare difference to change the flight to a different time when the two of them can spend time together. Yes, the cousin COULD have told this new guy that she could not go on a cruise that week, but we don't know the exact particulars and should not judge the cousin's actions too harshly. Maybe it is the only week the new bf could take. Maybe it was an already planned cruise that was past the final payment date and cancelling would have cost him a good deal of money.

Anyway, OP, get over being mad. In the big scheme of life, this ain't worth it. Have her pick a time after her cruise for you to come down and take her up on her offer of reimbursement for any additional cost incurred to change your flight. Go see her and have a good time. You'll even get to talk to her about how much fun she had on her cruise.

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@CoastalRat,

I'm mixed on this. I agreed with Jespah, and now I agree with you, Coastal Rat. Back and forth opinion.

Where I'm inbetween, seeing both sides, is that I remember being pissed off when friends would cancel some long planned thing because so and so called. And that's without the matter of having found a flight and paying for tickets. It's basic rudeness. The people I remember doing that, kept doing that, in a kind of desperation to have a boyfriend. I get that, but it's not a great start in a relationship, for even the relationship, to ace out friends, or cousins. The aced out person gets sick of it. As my girl group matured, we tended not to do that.

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dumped for a man

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