When should kids work things out vs parent involvement?

Reply Tue 17 Feb, 2015 02:03 pm
Situation - I get a call from a mom saying that she would like us parents (me, hubby, her and her hubby and the two girls to get together to discuss texting usage). The girls are in the 6th grade.

There was a little disagreement between them, but it appears to be all resolved now. It wasn't at my look a big deal - the usual mis-understanding because you text rather than talk. There was not anything really bad said - more I am angry at you because you won't ever get together with me.

I at first agreed thinking really no big deal - my daughter seems fine and her friend and she are getting together today so they don't seem upset now.

I am of the kind -- unless it is something inappropriate or bullying or something like that -- the girls should learn to work it out on their own.

I talked to my daughter about it -- and she sorta shugged, told me what went on and seems over it. Now it seems the other girl might be a tad more sensitive...she seems to have trouble making friends and stuff.

And to be honest, I'd rather not make a big deal out of this. Maybe talk to my daughter about better ways of handling things rather than text if you are upset about something. Sometimes I think, parents getting involved makes things worse.

Just want another person's opinion.
Reply Tue 17 Feb, 2015 02:22 pm
I hate the entire concept of texting when you can talk or meet. Obviously, your kids' generation disagrees. Heck, they might even be right. The world continues to declare us obsolete.
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Reply Tue 17 Feb, 2015 02:52 pm
If the other family wants to talk about texting usage with their daughter they should do that. No need to involve your daughter.

I get that the 'problem' is between the girls but they need to do their own parenting.

I don't see that your daughter has a place in that meeting. You're doing your parenting - they can do theirs.


Worst case, you could agree to meet with the parents without the girls - maybe encourage them in your style of parenting.
Reply Tue 17 Feb, 2015 03:25 pm
When Mo comes to me with this type of communication breakdown among his friends I always as "Do you want me to get involved?" and the answer is always, without exception "No." I'll tell him how I would handle it, if it were my problem, and send him on his way.

It sounds like this girl's parents are really over-reacting.
Reply Wed 18 Feb, 2015 11:11 am
I was thinking that - maybe just to offer to meet with her mom. 'This mom even said it may not be my daughter's issue - my daughter seems fine about it -- and the thing is I usually know what is going on if there is a so-called big issue - as big sis steps in. Often times overstepping her boundaries in support of her sister so I always hear about it.

I did know of this issue as we talked about it before -- I just said everyone is different and sometimes some kids just don't want to be as social and want just to stay in rather than meet up. Just respect her wishes and get together when you can.

I honestly think in this case it is less a texting issue rather than different personalities. My daughter likes to get together with her friends -- this girl being one - and this girl seems to like more alone time. It just comes through texting because that is how they communicate. I don't think it would be much different if they talked on the phone.

My daughter did compromise and told her she wouldn't get angry at her any more for not wanting to get together.
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Reply Wed 18 Feb, 2015 11:14 am
I think so too. At first I was baffled that she wanted to meet - especially with all us. But I figured so what if it makes her feel better.

Then as I thought more, I thought how uncomfortable for the girls - and perhaps embarassing. My daughter is fine. If her daughter has an issue then she should work with her to come to a solution.

I do think her daughter (as nice as she can be) may be a bit high maintenance and overally sensitive -- maybe as a result of her mom being too involved.
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