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Is she just playing me ?

 
 
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2015 10:04 pm
Okay, so I'm a girl and I'm 16. I've dated 6 boys for now. I've never went to the next level with any of them. The "biggest thing we did was to french kiss and one of the boys touched my breast, but I think it was accidental. I've never really felt "in love" with any of them. I'm just not really [sexually] attracted to boys. Just imagining a penis makes me throw up in my mouth.
Over the years, I had some sexual experiences with girls, but never with boys. ( I kissed and touched the boobs of 6 different girls actually, but we never were "in couple". We just did things.)
When I was 13, my friend Marie, came on the gay, lesbian and bisexual topics. While we were talking about that, I've realized that maybe I was bisexual. We I've thought aboit that, I even came to the conclusion that maybe I was actually "in love" with this girl, maybe even since we had met when we were 12.. Then Marie said she wanted to admit something. I thought she was gonna say that she was in love with me (and if it was what she had said, I would've said that I was in love with her too), but she told me she was actually in love with her best friend -_- ... And for my part I just told her that I thought I was maybe bisexual..
It kinda hurt to know that she was in love with her best friend, but back then, before we had this conversation, I was convinced that I was strictly heterosexual, so I didn't really care. This same friend had dated many guys between then and now and she seems to like them. But well, last november (2014), we had a project to do for school and I had to spend the night at her place on a friday night so we could have more time to work. Turns out we didn't even work on Friday evening. We just watched tv, talked and ate all the food in her fridge x) .
When we decided to go to bed, we started to talk again about gay pride and bisexuality. We haven't had talked about that since 3 years so it was weird and I don't know why but I started talking about things I had done with other girls.. While I was taking, Marie kissed me without saying anything and I felt SO happy, in love and kinda turned on. I wanted those feelings to go away because I'm scared that I may have to tell me parents that I'm lesbian one day, but what I felt was just so awesome. At one point, Marie said "I always knew there was more then just friendship between us.." So I was like "Oh my god what!? Me too! I should've told you before but I'm in love with you since I met you 4 years ago.." But all she told me was "I have a boyfriend you know, maybe if you had told me that before.." And I actually had a boyfriend too back then, but like a he other boyfriends I've had before: I didn't like him that much.. And what I was feeling with Marie was so strong that it became clear to me that I was going to dump my boyfriend to maybe have a chance with Marie.. So the weekend went by and Marie and I did almost all the sexual things two girls could to together (nothing involving poop, pee or something really disgusting) and when my dad came to pick me up on Sunday, Marie even whispered "I love you" to me while hugging me. I was incredibly happy. I had never been this happy since many months because my best friend had left me 2 months before.

So, when we went bak to school on Monday, I broke up with my boyfriend and I kinda thought that Marie was going to do the same for me but she didn't. When I asked if she loved me, in private, she just told again and again "I know you love me, but I have a boyfriend.." It always gives me false hopes.. Marie even make weird calls about how we're close to each other and about the things we did together like "Hey, you should come to my place again, it was really fun.." or just like she finds way to touch me and make me fall even more in love with her by flirting with me. And whenever she says calls that makes me things about what we did together or even just touches my arm, all I can think about is "damn, will she ever dump her boyfriend!?!"
But the worst is when she speaks about her boyfriend, Danick. She always looks at me while talking about him and I think it's just because she actually wants me to react to it. At first I did react E.V.E.R.Y TIME ! And she seemed to like to see me getting jealous..

But now, I has been more than 1 1/2 months and I'm just tired of "waiting for her" so I'm not reacting when she talks about her boyfriend anymore, I try to avoid any conversation that could be related to me and her and I even ended up lying to Marie (and my other friends at the same time.)

The lie I invented is that I'm in love with my brother's friend Kevin, who's 17. I didn't mean to lie to all my friends, but NOBODY knows about me or Marie or about what we did or even the fact that "I MAY be A LITTLE bisexual" so I decided to start telling this "lie" to everyone. By saying I'm in love with Kevin, I hope that Marie will realize that I won't be waiting for her forever and that I can love other. I was kinda working since I decided to start this lie a week and half ago: Marie got a bit jealous and said "You're always talking about him! When will you stop?" And when I was talking about maybe taking Kevin to my prom ball next year, Marie was like "This is one year from now! You're surely not gonna be with him! I even think that I WON'T be with MY boyfriend anymore!"

But at the end of last week (Thursday & Friday) Marie restarted to make A LOT of contacts with me {EVEN TOUCHING MY BREAT "BY ACCIDENT"} and she started to stare at me in class, wink at me, trying to be often alone with me and when I've let her borrow my water bottle on Friday, she started licking the top of the bottle while drinking and looking at me in a provocative way. When I asked her to stop that, she said "Right, like you mind. You're just gonna be happy to drink in this bottle after that.. *winks at me* "

Now I just don't know if she's just having fun flirting with me and playing me or if she maybe does like me because she keeps getting jealous when I talk about Kevin, she often says that she's not that much in love with her boyfriend anymore and she always continues to say that what we did together is a good memory and that she might wants to have other experiences like this..

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT/REACT WITH/ABOUT HER AND

I. DON'T. EVEN. KNOW. IF. I'M. STRAIGHT. LESBIAN. OR. BISEXUAL!!
I NEED HELP
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Feb, 2015 10:09 am
This gal's a jerk and a tease. What's she's doing is unkind.

As for you being "in love", or her being in love, etc., slow down. The chances of anything you're feeling truly being love are pretty slender. That's because of your age and not your sexuality. Of course teenagers can feel love, but you also feel huge hormonal surges. They whip you around. But they do end, fortunately.

So. Your sexuality isn't dependent on this girl or on anyone else. It comes from what is inside of you.

It also isn't an all or nothing deal. You can be in the middle. And it can be a bit fluid. You may find, as you get older, that other people fascinate you. Whether those people are female or male remains to be seen.

In the meantime, treat yourself well. In part, that means not giving people who tease you any fodder with which to do so. It also means loving yourself enough to not just sit back and take it when someone is unkind to you.
Melissa 1703
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Feb, 2015 05:16 pm
@jespah,
Okay I get it, thank you for your answer. I'm sure I'll figure out about all my emotions and also my sexual orientation when I'll be older. For now, I'll take time for myself and try to stop letting people be unkind to me.
Your answer helped me, so thanks.

I didn't think anyone was going to read all my long message because I actually speak French. Maybe there are a lot of mistakes, but well.. sorry for my English Wink
0 Replies
 
jj8889
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Apr, 2015 12:58 pm
@Melissa 1703,
I think she honestly doesn't know what she wants.
I have been in a similar situation myself, she likes your attention, she likes the control that she has over you. And now that she doesn't have neither she doesn't know how to conduct herself.

yes she may like you, but it shouldn't have taken you to lie for her to realise that. I would trick her and she what she does. She what happens if you and Kevin go on a break. If she actually does leave her bf or if she just continue s to give you false hope.

If she doesnt "get back with Kevin".
0 Replies
 
srila
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Sep, 2015 08:04 am
@Melissa 1703,
Maybe her boyfriend is the issue. Maybe he is stopping her from going with you. Guys are very bad when it comes to being open about such things
0 Replies
 
 

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