@neologist,
I was also raised in the Roman Catholic faith. I became the black sheep of the family also by the age of 14. I found more enlightment and more inspiration reading about Biology and Chemestry. I started asking questions and doubting the practical application of many rules and obligations of the faith. Two of my cousins ended up as priests. I became that uncomfortable brat that asks too much questions.
I called myself atheist, and continue my way threw college. But i choose a social type of applied science. Medicine. I started observing how people react to death, how they fight against bad news, how they reunited and fought as a family against catasthrofic diseases. And wherever i turned around i heard one simple word that defined everything FAITH. Not God, not Cristh, but Faith.
On the basement of the school hospital was a small catholic chapel, just beside the hospitals employee cafeteria. I watched parents and spouses and siblings of patients attending the service. The chapel held no images except for a simple black cross over the altar. Many of the attendants were not even catholic, some where protestants, oters evangelists, etc. They were united.
I started realizing that there was something special about religion, that makes people strong that makes them brave, and hopefull, that helps them face uncertainty. Also helps them face death. It was nothing to be ashamed us. Beliving in something is not bad, it can be actually something for self grow.
I stopped calling myself atheist by age 22, i think i realized that there is something special on that connection with the unknown. The rules and the obligations that every religions has are meaningless. On the face of death and of uncertainty the only thing that survives is hope, and faith. In such situations a muslim, a jew, a christian, a catholic, etc. They all grasp to the same thing... faith.
Now I want to belive. Before I never considered the possibility of really beliving. I was a little arrogant brat that talked trash about religions. I won´t defend the church, it caused huge atrocities. I am defender of the personal faith, of personal spirituality.
This my friend is a personal quest. The quest for self spirituality. You do not need necessarily a religion for this objective. It is just a media. What it cares is what you are searching for at the end of the road. Yourself.