Why is revenge so sweet?

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Revelling in revenge is by far one of the greatest feelings that any human could ever have. Yet, we look on it with such distaste and hate.

This vile act began both world wars, the recent war in Afghanistan, and countless other historic wars. It has been the reason for theft, beatings, rape, murder, and genocide since humans were humans. In fact, even monkeys, apes, and other mammals have shown that they too can commit an act of revenge.

But why do we need to seek vengeance? Is it the feeling of being an vigilante, taking justice into your own hands? Or perhaps you want that person to feel how hurt and humiliated you were when they did whatever they did to you.

The strange thing about revenge is that we never pay it back in full, we give interest. And the longer we wait to give them what we think they deserve, the worse their punishment will be.

We have all been children and we all remember how fun it was to call someone an even dirtier name than they called you. Or how great it felt to throw food back at that little brat who spilled it on you, or how much power you thought you had when you said the ultimate comeback to the child that thought he was the wittiest of the group.

But did that wonderful feeling of revenge ever solve anything? We have always known that revenge makes things worse, yet we continue to seek our vengeance.

How can it be a need so simple and yet so powerful that it overrides all of our practical knowledge and all of our ethics, morals, and responsibility to civil obedience? Why does it feel so good to act in a way that we have been told not to since we were able to listen? Why do we need to react in a much more severe manner when we know subconsciously that it will never make us feel any better?

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I'm not a vengeful person. I've been angry and hurt by people, sure, but after letting them know how I feel, I usually am able to let it go. Feeling vengeful is a wasted emotion. Vengance will only lead to trouble for you, so why bother. If you don't, chances are it will eat you up inside, then the person who wronged you will, in the end be a winner and have power over you.

It's impossible to right a wrong that's been done to you. Chances are, the person who hurt you doesn't care what they've done to you, so commiting a vengeful act against them is mute.

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Good question.

I can only answer for myself, and when it comes to this, it takes A LOT for me to put someone on my "sh*t list". Maybe 2 or 3 people have really felt my brand of punishment for doing me wrong.

Main reasons:

The specific brand of repayment your giving the person is devised by you, so your choosing exactly how much and what type of "person specific" punishment to dish out. Thus, something that may cause discomfort to one person may mean nothing to another.

You have a certain power over that person, in that you choose when, where and how you want the person to "get theirs". The potential for you to exact such punishment is sometimes enough to not need to go through with it.

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Is it REALLY sweet? The times I've had real anger--the kind that craves revenge--have always been something I suffered. I don't think revenge would have eased that suffering. If I did take revenge I would have simply added another anger, against myself.

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I think it stems from our days of pure animal behavior. When we were constantly finding ways to declare ourselves "top dog." This was an important message to get across. It let others around you know not to defy you, and warded off members of the same sex who were after the monkey you had your eye on. Survival of the fittest in other words. But I think we humans have taken it to a ridiculous level.

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Revenge is an outmoded emotional appendage. Now serves no useful function, if ever.

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Revenge is an obsessive, unhealthy form of behaviour. Why people find it necessary to wrap themselves up in the toxic behaviour of others rather than focus on themselves is beyond me.

That being said, it is a strong pull to wish revenge on someone who has wronged you in some way. However, unless they killed your entire family, I say just ignore any supposed 'ill will' towards you.

Individual, war to me is more about politics than vengeance. As for children digging at each other, that can be fun/play, as long as one bully isn't beating on the other kids. Revenge solves nothing. Straight talk, acceptance, and a good sense of humour solves more problems.

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I agree with most here : revenge is unnecessary, and truly overstated as a 'good feeling'. Furthermore, it brings the humankind to a lower state every single time it happens, as well as the individual(s) involved.

Quote:

Revelling in revenge is by far one of the greatest feelings that any human could ever have. Yet, we look on it with such distaste and hate.

I couldn't disagree more. Of the people I know, no one rates revenge among the top ten feelings - even the 'best revenge you've ever had'.

I spoke with a friend neurologist the other day, and she told me about the research stuff that indicates we have a punishment center in the brain, much like the reward center, and they are independent. The trick is, however, that we are punished when something hits us, and we feel that we didn't deserve that. Here our punishment center kicks in - further punishing us for the thing that we feel we didn't deserve. This is a nasty evolutional trick : the things that we accept and feel that we deserved them indicate our understanding of the situation. Things we feel we didn't deserve - like someone painting a dirty picture on our new car - evolution thinks that we don't understand those and is punishing us for that.
And then we seek revenge to alleviate the internal torment, instead of just simply accepting the situation. Acceptance works much faster, cleaner and cheaper than revenge, and has the same effect.

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I think that when I take revenge for a harm done me, I have added another harm to myself.

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I'm not sure who said "living well is the best revenge" (maybe Fitzgerald), but I have come around to that way of thinking.

I've wasted a lot of time and energy evening scores and found little satisfaction it. In fact, I've done few things I'd dearly like to have back.

I'll admit there were times when the payback felt good and often was deserved. But it was at the cost of bearing a grudge. Never a good feeling, at least for me.

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That's called growth, George. Smile

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Thanks, JL.

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Why is revenge so sweet?

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