Writing, Anything

Starting to think
Starting to think my head was being fucked with before I had started the academy
Not a doubt in my mind
******* with
******* with my mind they were
Stressful times in my life
They didn't understand
Because men, they choose to not
You should know that.
All they think about is their dick, vampire blood
**** understanding a woman and what she may be suffering with mentally
They say.
Didn't care
They didn't care
Seriously ****ed this woman up worse in the head
They don't care
They think she's crazy
Stupid, ignorant and more
Oh but they refuse to understand her mental situation
She mentioned exist only because they were treating her as if she doesn't
By abusing her mind
As if it were ****, nothing, not worth understanding
And they wonder why she has the feel to want to kill
Starting to think
Think it'll be worth it now

Only two led me to where I am today. All they had to do was leave me be. They refused. Speaking, sharing words directly would had went a long way then. Because of the mess I was in mentally at that given time. They're in my head. I need em out.

That was then. This is now.

Now I'll take whatever as is. Won't affect me mentally in a negative manner since I'm no longer in that same stressful situation. Mentally, in a negative state of mind.

Referring to two (men), the

Starting to think
Starting to think my head was being fucked with before I had started the academy
Not a doubt in my mind
******* with
******* with my mind they were
Stressful times in my life
They didn't understand
Because men, they choose to not
You should know that.
All they think about is their dick, vampire blood
**** understanding a woman and what she may be suffering with mentally
They say.
Didn't care
They didn't care
Seriously fucked this woman up worse in the head
They don't care
They think she's crazy
Stupid, ignorant and more
Oh but they refuse to understand her mental situation
She mentioned exist only because they were treating her as if she doesn't
By abusing her mind
As if it were ****, nothing, not worth understanding
And they wonder why she has the feel to want to kill
Starting to think
Think it'll be worth it now

Don't speak of my true feelings I tell myself. thinking it.

They don't observe
The don't take things into consideration
No one does
They don't understand
Feel they'll never
Hopeless
Depression
All feelings that come with depression
No hope
Bottom
Bottom of a very steep pit
Deep whole
Black
Dark
Can't see anything
Alone
There's no hope
No way out either

They don't observe
They don't take things into consideration
No one does
They don't understand
Feel they'll never
Hopeless
Depression
All feelings that come with depression
No hope
Bottom
Bottom of a very steep pit
Deep whole
Black
Dark
Can't see anything
Alone
There's no hope
No way out either

I am trapped in a world I can't get out of
Keeping me from the other world
Dimension
Yes
In another dimension
Unable to understand
Unable to grasp ahold of
Feel so far away
I see no color
I understand nothing
How can I have anyone understand.
I can't
If I'm not able
Others won't be able
Trapped in this world
This world so far away from others
No one understands
Not one understands

Use the name 'Jesus' as a full-metal-jacketted round by firing it at him in sentences like-
In the name of JESUS clear off!
In the name of JESUS take a hike!
In the name of JESUS get on yer bike!

Also try logging onto Jesus yourself by mumbling a few words now and again to get you connected, and you'll feel his power downloading into you.
Once he and God are in your head, they'll be like bouncers to flush out anything nasty and not let anything else in-

"On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you ...
Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them...
You're my friends if you follow me. I don't call you servants, but I call you friends"- " (John 14:20-23, John 15:15)

These two in my head 
they laugh. to themselves and say 
this woman 
was never good enough to be a mother. 

Tears 
After three years
Since. 
I'm done with tears

Daughter
What daughter
I've never gave birth to a child

Told you

It's all in my head
Nothing
Nothing is real
It's all in my head.

Stuck in a world of people who don't know how to observe well
If they even have the ability to observe
What the, what is wrong with these people
I ask myself thinking it
They only allow themselves to go so deep
Kind of why there's no one there

In my head
That feeling of feeling in love
Becoming more depressed
Depressed [because] I don't want em there
Don't want to feel as if in love, I don't
Depression, stressed, along with other problems that come with

That similar outlook, view point
Where 
'I feel
I've done what I could
I tried
I put forth what I could to show I've attempted
Made myself look like a complete fool for you
Showed the world the best I could 
That I can be ******* crazy 
In a desperate attempt to make you understand me
But you just sit there, you sat there tending to your own business 
In your own little world 
As if I don't exist, that I never did. That's right
I'm not wasting any more of my time
My thoughts
On you.
Do have care for you
But that's where it stops
[Now go be happy]
And leave me in my depressed state of mind.
You're just making it worse for me
Simply [because]
I don't believe in you 
No matter how much
[I know you are] there.'
Get out of here.
Pay for your own damn taxi.

That similar outlook, view point
Where 
'I feel
I've done what I could
I tried
I put forth what I could to show I've attempted
Made myself look like a complete fool for you
Showed the world the best I could 
That I can be ******* crazy 
In a desperate attempt to make you understand me
But you just sit there, you sat there tending to your own business 
In your own little world 
As if I don't exist, that I never did. That's right
I'm not wasting any more of my time
My thoughts
On you.
Do have care for you
But that's where it stops
[Now go be happy]
And leave me in my depressed state of mind.
You're just making it worse for me
Simply [because]
I don't believe in you 
No matter how much
[I know you are] there.'

I'm no major, no professional, probably no one important. I've no income, no life's accomplishments, no home once I've this divorce. Hell. No friends or family. Couldn't even last the first full day at college because people felt it necessary to fu*k with my head. They made it obvious whether it was intentional or not I don't know. I can only speak of my life's encounters, experiences and so forth. I'll start off with women. Say I'm a man writing about this I man to man.
Relationships. 
You want to fall in love. Want the both of you to be in love. You need to understand that it is not all about physical attraction. You need to understand this woman your after. Understand everything. Get inside her head. Understand her mental situation. Her maturity. Everything. You need to know what you can and can't do to keep her. It is man of you to take full control of the woman you want. Shows how much of a man you are. But if you can pick up on she not wanting a man to control her then she does not feel in love. You need to understand this is a mental process. Understand this woman completely. You can settle in when you know she's in love. Say she's not living with you yet but you know she's feeling she's in love with you then you should know you can get her to do anything you want her to; it's a mental situation. Understand the words in the sentence before this sentence I mentioned. 

I was conceived by accident and my parents had to have a shotgun wedding because I was on the way ha ha..
In his evil twisted way my dad blamed ME for making him have to get married which is why he bullied me all through my childhood.
When he died of cancer in 1982 I thought "Good riddance you little ****, **** off!"

I'm starting to understand
Doubt
Have so much going on in my head
Starting to tell myself, convince myself
None of it's real
I'm starting to understand
Everything in my head is made up
None of it's real
Where's the proof I ask you thinking it
There is none
It's all made up
Made up in my head
I make myself suffer 
I suffer my own hell
The hell I've made up 
It's all made up in my head
"I'm starting to understand"

Shakespeare's Macbeth is a great study of the human mind.
At the start of the play General MacBeth is a great Scottish national hero and fearless warrior and the King gives him medals and stuff, and he could then have just relaxed and enjoyed a long and happy life,
But MacBeth seems to fall victim to satanic influence and begins getting big ideas and ambitions, and to cut a long story short he loses his peace of mind and ends up in a right mess-
"Full of scorpions is my mind!" he wails to his wife.

My sister went the same way, she had a nice hub, nice house, nice kids, but instead of just putting her feet up and going happily along through the rest of her life, it's as if the devil got into her and she started bellyaching about her hub, her house and everything. Once i told her straight- "you're possessed by a demon!" but she took no notice.
Eventually the marriage collapsed and they divorced.

Satan tries it on with every human on the planet, he sifts through peoples thoughts to make things flare up to make them unhappy. True Christians ignore him, but others are easy meat for him.
He even tried to get inside Peters head. "Satan wanted to sift you" (Luke 22:31) Jesus told him.
It's what he DOES!

Satan in Gibson's 'The Passion'

They prey at night
In the dark
With the lights off
When it is only you and them in the room
When there's no one else around
When it's quiet or when there's noise
When no one can see
When no one is looking
While you're sleeping
Or while you're awake but while no one else can see
Force
Be quiet
Force
It's a mental situation
It's a physical situation
No one will ever find out
Due to the extreme amount of ignorance upon this earth
This is in many ways called 
Abuse
It can happen to you
Your loved ones 
Friends, family
Anyone
But you may never know
Ignorance is too common
I know
Because you still don't know

I'm not as strong as I should be mentally.

Hint, I'm suffering severely with mental problems.

I am failing. Slowly. Surely.

I can't get back up. There's nothing there. I continue reaching up. It is as if there was never anything there.

I'm down. I can't get back up. I'm failing. Getting shoved further and further down. There's no hope. No passage way. I'm running out of air. I can't breathe. It's too late. I can't get up. I've been pushed down. I can't get back up.

Paying attention to the surroundings?