Julie

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Hi my name is Julie, I've been see a man and just found out that when we first met he was still living with his wife al though he says they were living separately. When we met he said he lived alone with his children but I found out after that she was still in the house with him. He said he didn't tell me because he was frightened that if I knew his wife was still in the house with him that I wouldn't have wanted to carry on being with him. We live together now. I can't help feeling that he was having an affair with me but he says he wasn't and can prove it, his wife is willing to say the same as him that they were just living in the same house for the sake of the children. I don't really want to meet her. I can't understand why he still talks with her and they are friends, he says they have to because they have children still living at home with her and they are friends for the children's sake ? I don't trust him ? I don't see why he has to have contact with her ? Am I being out of order? I like his children a lot and they like me too

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Type: Question • Score: 12 • Views: 2,731 • Replies: 46

@Eddieharvey,

Why would you stay with someone you don't trust?

1 Reply

Julie said- "I don't see why he has to have contact with her ? Am I being out of order? I like his children a lot and they like me too"
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If he has to go round her house to pick up the kids to take them out, that sounds okay as long as he stands at the door and waits for her to bring them to him.
There's no need at all for him to go inside, so you're right to suspect him.
Tell him straight not to go inside and see what he says.

1 Reply

@jespah,

I love him ?

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

He doesn't go round there, the children come to see us, but he and his wife talk if there is a problem with the children but they live with her so why does he have to get involved if they live with her ?

1 Reply

If he has to talk with her about family matters, tell him to talk to her by phone or e-mail.
Tell him straight you don't like him seeing her.
I ditched a ladyfriend a few years ago because although she was divorced, she still let him come round her house to mow the lawn and do odd jobs around the house.
I told her straight-"I don't want him coming anywhere near you as long as you're seeing me! He's history so forget him!"
But she mumbled "I can't forget him, I still love him" so I split with her.

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

He doesn't go round there, really it's the fact that he lied about being there on his own with the children when really his wife was still living in the house. I just can't help thinking he was having an affair with me. He says if I want I could meet her to see that there is nothing going on with them and that they have lived separate for years. He says they lived in the same house for the sake of the children. I don't want to meet her and find he was telling the truth.

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@Eddieharvey,

Eddieharvey wrote:

I love him ?

Are you asking us?

So, the first thing this guy ever did to you was lie to you.

That wasn't a question, it was a statement.

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@Eddieharvey,

Eddieharvey wrote:

He says they lived in the same house for the sake of the children. I don't want to meet her and find he was telling the truth.

I don't understand this. Why don't you want to know that he was telling the truth?

1 Reply

@cherrie,

I've really punished him for what he's done. He says I can't keep punishing him for ever, if he was telling the truth would it make things ok ?

2 Replies

If your name is Julie, why the hell is your screen name Eddie Harvey? Is that the name of your liar boyfriend? If so, you've got a bad case of being in love because you want ot be in love, and not because you have any very good reason.

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@Eddieharvey,

Punished him? Depends on what you mean by the word 'punish' I guess. You admonish, or punish, a child or animal if it's naughty, and punish criminals if they are convicted of a crime, but this is a grown man you are talking about. You wouldn't make him sit on a 'naughty step' or incarcerate him for a period of time - so what 'punishment' has been meted out by you?

You don't seem to be making a success of your relationship with this person - so many rules and regulations - he can't do this and mustn't do that. You are going to stifle him, and eventually drive him away from you. Or perhaps I'm misunderstanding your posts?

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@Eddieharvey,

So what you're saying is that you don't want him to be telling the truth because then you would have to stop punishing him.
Is that what you mean? Because I'm pretty confused now.
Can I ask how old you are?
You do realise that it is fairly normal for people who have children together to maintain some degree of contact, don't you? Whether you like it or not she will always be the mother of his children, so if you can't accept this and trust him then there is not much hope for your relationship. I get that he lied at first, but it seems that you actually want him to still be lying.

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@Setanta,

Anyway - punishments? What is this, preschool or a relationship? Who would want to live like this?

1 Reply

@jespah,

Some people are so stupid they think boyfriend/girlfriend should dump children along with spouse. They forget children grow up and we get older. When an adult treats us badly as children we don't forget. It's always there in the back of your head. I'm going to say what everybody else is possibly thinking, Julie sounds like a stupid lovesick selfish paramour. Unless he is divorced, you are the "other woman".

2 Replies

Bottom line is that you feel you were the "other woman" in a stable, healthy marriage. He has told you that relationship was not a good one, in fact, he was just living there for the kids. Now he is divorced and living with you and you resent him talking to his ex about the kids, etc.

He will need to tallk to his ex about the kids one in a while. Deal with it. If he is messing around with her, then that's another issue. But you don't say that.

What do you want from him? You'd better step back and count your "blessings" that he is with you. You will drive him out or back to his ex if you don't stop nagging him about his past.

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@glitterbag,

He's in the process of getting a divorce bunt it's taking too long

3 Replies

@glitterbag,

glitterbag wrote:

Some people are so stupid they think boyfriend/girlfriend should dump children along with spouse. They forget children grow up and we get older. When an adult treats us badly as children we don't forget. It's always there in the back of your head. I'm going to say what everybody else is possibly thinking, Julie sounds like a stupid lovesick selfish paramour. Unless he is divorced, you are the "other woman".

This is exactly what I'm thinking when I read Julie's posts.

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@Eddieharvey,

He's married.

He has kids.

You need to grow up and deal with the fact that he had a life before you and that components of that life will always be part of his life, regardless of what you want.

He will always have his children, and if he is a good, caring father he will continue to have some kind of adult relationship with the mother of his children.

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@Eddieharvey,

Eddieharvey wrote:

He's in the process of getting a divorce bunt it's taking too long

Did you read what I wrote before?

The first thing this man has done is lie to you.

How do you even know there are divorce proceedings going on? Have you eyeballed any paperwork first hand?

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