Depression as a social convention

Caveat: I haven't read up on depression yet and my knowledge on it is considerably less than the greater beings' here.

Is it too much to propose that everyone, knowingly or unknowingly, has experienced some form of depression at least once in his/her life? The degree of which would of course vary from indivdual to individual.

I would agree--but only situational depression.

(I don't know if that's an accepted term--or what the criteria is --overwhelming sadness for at least three days...)

The DSM-4 is pretty stickly about criteria....

What would your criteria be for the universally experienced depression?

The bottom line is that cinical depression is still not entirely understood. So....(to the tune of "Here Come De Judge" from "Laugh In") "Here come de drugs, here come de drugs..."

In terms of universal depression? Collective conciusness. We may not all agree on political postition, but one thing I think we all agree on is that the world is going to ****, scary things are happening within the US government, and there is really not a lot we can do about it, which breeds paranoia, misunderstanding and a society that is easily manipulated into an agenda they will surely regret down the road.

Rant over.

I am doing well right now, but when it was bad I would assume I had reached the limit of the soul's potential for sufferring, only to consistently pass it at vast progressive intervals.

SCoates

There is no doubt you have been where I am based on the above. The fact is I am worn out. I am not even sure I am depressed any more just sick and tired of circumstances beyond my control.

Cav

How true it seems at times the future is not so bright especially for a person my age that lived through the McCarthy era and the nuclear scares of the 50s and 60s. I did not get over that fright until I saw Dr, Stranglove - Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb.

Don't answer if you don't want to:
Sounds like you got about as far down as you can go. Have any of you ever seriously contemplated suicide? Had a plan?

Are you safely back from there, or still teetering?
Don't worry. I won't tell you to see a counsellor. Had my own recent dramas, and thought about comparing notes....

PM if you prefer privacy.

I haven't for religious reasons. But life is not fun when you are depressed. It can be nearly impossible to be happy unless you're constantly doing something exciting.

I am shocked at how close I came to doing it.
I am more shocked at what the world is like from down there. I didn't know a person could exist feeling like that.

Didn't know you could go that low.

I'm in a completely different place now--and much stronger. But, looking back~~<<shudder>>

I was finally able to start doing some things that have helped.

Are you able to do anything that helps?

How long have you been depressed? Same severity, or has it fluctuated?

It fluctuates. For a few years it completely crippled me. Now it's just a handicap.

Sorry. Its no way to live.
I had been mostly Dysthymic, or just operating with a low grade depression--but Miss Cheery Face. If someone said I was depressed--no one would believe it.

But, recently, some huge stressors hit all at once (death, fatal illness, resulting financial disaster, resulting in horrible changes in life plans for my children, and overwork in a social services agency, loss of job...)

I took a nose-dive. I didn't recognise myself in the mirror. You look different--or at least you think you do...

Can you leave home? Are you comfortable socially? Have there been days you couldn't get out of bed? In the last year, I recieved a couple of other lovely disorders, which piggybacked my depression--GAO, SAO, MDD...

When it crippled you--did you have environmental factors contributing to your depression, or was it organic?

(SCoates-- I am really interested in your experience, but I know a lot of questions can seem intrusive, or just a bother. Anytime you've had enough--just tell me. I won't take it personally.)
<smiles>

Don't worry, I'm pretty open.

I think I've suffered from at least five or six entirely different types of depression. The first hit me when I broke up with a girl I thought I was going to marry. She was fairly cruel at the time about it, and to me it felt as though I'd lost a wife. I am sure I felt at least as bad as anyone who actually had lost a spouse, but I was in high school, so no one would have believed it in my opinion. I was like you and I could have fooled almost anyone. Anyway, then I went to russia for a couple years doing religious service (I'm LDS, I'll expound on that if anyone wants, but it is unrelated). I made the mistake of doing that before I had recovered at all. I sufered from culture shock, though I didn't realize it, and the work created stress-related depression, which was coupled with my earlier depression, and tainted everything black and heavy. I was not at all myself. I also have a chemical imbalance, which is a seperate problem. I'm home and married now, and don't get depressed often, but the extreme times left me with severe stress sensitivity. The hardest part is how few people understand, and you don't get any slack... or worse--advice! Yeck... anyway, that's my story in a nutshell.

My major sticky area seems to be stress, too.

I think I'll see if we have a de-stressing thread, or start one.

About the advice--I know what you mean. I know people mean well--but, it's like a martian suggesting something... They have no point of real reference.

I think I'll start compiling some data on stress relief and depression. I know there's one here somewhere.

I use to be one to judge depressed people. I figured it was always their lifestyle, or because they felt guilty about something. But that is such a small portion of actual causes.

I had an education, too.
About Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
I counselled this woman, who said she had it. At first I believed her, and sympathized.

After I saw her out in the community--doing things, looking OK--I said to myself--"LIAR! FAKER!" --though I treated her well.

Then, I was diagnosed with it. I felt so sorry for her AND me. I am usually one who gives the benefit of the doubt. If I didn't believe her--no one would believe ME.

The education about the onset and causes of depression will really cause you to things quite differently, no?

I'm not familiar with chronic fatigue syndrome. Care to educate me?

Not enough is known about it.
There's no cure.
There's no one test to diagnose it.
Most people suffer with a collection of symptoms for years before some Dr. figures out what it is.

To save us both time, I'll just tell you about my onset.

In the early 90's, I suddenly had horrible vertigo. The kind that makes you grab on to stuff like you're in the galley of a ship in a hurricane. I went to a couple of neurologists to rule out a brain tumor.

From that time to a couple of years ago, I was Miss Dr's Office. Tendons, muscles, sinus infections (CONSTANTLY) though no sign of it but pain in my face...blah blah. Indiscriminate pain.

Then, about five years ago, I noticed I wasn't sleeping. I don't think I got REM sleep for days. I'd get home from work (where I ran hard) and drop. Lack of sleep for a long time can really screw you. And, it did.

I started forgetting things. First, it seemed like everybody else. Only a little more. Then, it got bad. I'd forget things I'd always known.

I was driving from one client to another, when my heart started beating like crazy. I pulled over, and the pain and irregularity of my heartbeats convinced me I would die. I wrote a note to someone to call my husband and tell him to pick up the children, and that I was dead, but it hadn't been too bad. <have that note> <smiles>

I wore a heart moniter three times, because Dr'sand I were sure I had a serious heart problem. This is a major symptom. It was a panic attack, brought on by stress. Funny thing, I didn't feel stressed when it happened. During these years, I didn't think of stress. I thought I had cancer (all the pain, headaches) or a heart problem.

I blacked out for a second at a client's home.

I tested positive and high for Epstein-Barre activity and my doc diagnosed me. (With all the symptoms.) I had a different kind of headache than I'd ever had before, and met all the eight or nine criteria.

Headaches were daily and crushing. In the morning, it took me an hour to get moving. I couldn't think and I hurt all over.

I threw a Christmas Eve party for my extended family, and was paralyzed for three days. It felt like I was wearing a five hundred pound trenchcoat.

Physical and emotional stress exacerbate the symptoms of Chronic Fatigue. Of course, they can depress you, too. Needless to say, I have to watch my stress level.

If this sounded like complaining, I'm not. I'm fortunate not to be as bad as I was, and not to have something worse. So, when I had a death in my family, and my husband was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness--I folded. I couldn't drive, or read with comprehension.

There was a time I thought I was nursing home material--but I seem to be doing much better.

<Sorry for so much information. I'd let myself forget some of this. It was good for me to write it all down.>

The hideous thing is: You can look fine with CFIDS. You know you have it, and you know you have to protect yourself from certain things--but others think, "Hey. We're all stressed out." It just doesn't affect us all the same.

Did you die?

Several times.

I can relate to that last comment. "Everyone knows how you feel." Nope.
While I was going through the worst of it, I tried memorizing a book to give my mind something to do. I think I memorized about one or two hundred pages, before my brain snapped. Ever since then I don't think I've been able to motivate myself to do anything. I literally don't have a desire to do anything productive. Just relax and seek entertainment. It's part of the depression, but I've had others classify it as being lazy. It's hard to be productive when you've lacked the desire for so long. For a while I did things anyway, even though I hated it, but I just burnt myself out even more. I don't enjoy doing the things that I love. I know that sounds weird, but I used to teach martial arts, and write books, and read books, and so forth, but now, even though I feel like I like those things, I despise doing them.

No, I didn't die. What kind of a question is that?

I guess I deserve it for the unforgivably long explanation.

We striken CFIDSers never pass up an opportunity to tell people about it, though. We have miserable PR.

I have done my PR for this year.

(Did I die?)