Am i turning evil?

There is an old saying; " You cannot prevent a bird from flying over your head; but you can prevent him from building a nest in your hair."
Many others have had similar thoughts and have done regrettable things. So don't feel alone.
In fact, isolating yourself is not in your best interests. Reach out to family and friends.
Seek professional help. Many counselors are free or low cost.
The apostle James wrote about how our thoughts may trap us in James 1:14, 15: "But each one is tried by being drawn out and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then the desire, when it has become fertile, gives birth to sin . . . " So, prayer may help.
Stay with us

When was the last time you saw your doctor? Make another appointment and tell him/her how you are feeling.

Yep. That too.

I was diagnosed with a list of conditions recently such as Aspergers syndrome, depression,social anxiety, insomnia, obsessive compulsive and possibly psychopathy. Despite all of that i am still an intelligent human being so if i do see a psychologist they dont tell me anything new, i am put on the same drugs etc. I quit the medication as i dont think it does much, so yeah when i see a councellor etc they just tell me the same crap so i dont bother.

My dream is to be a great actor and be accomplished, my great aunt is famous and id like to follow in her footsteps but i just feel evil sometimes and i am scared what i might do its like a hunger feeling after a while i need to hurt something again. And let me tell you it is the most difficult thing its so overbearing. I play alot of video games to stop thinking about things, like ok im not the type that looks at a person and wants to murder them no its not like that. its more like if im drunk or if someone hits me then i turn into a monster my parents have lost many walls and ive hurt a few girls etc. but after i regret what ive done and often cry. I am always intensely lonely to i think about god when i cry alot, i ask him to help me because i hate hurting things.

You haven't said anything about possible outlets.
Family
Friends
School
Church
Work
Sports
Notice that isolation is no part of these. Video games are generally a solitary pursuit. If you are depressed, do you want to hang out with someone else who is depressed? Try to avoid hanging out with yourself.

If you hang out on this board for a while, you may find some pleasant association. But, in the end, face to face relations are the key.

This topic is a bit out of my depth, but how do you know the medicine doesn't do much? You may not be in a position to tell. I am not meaning this intelligence-wise, but rather that a change might not be noticeable to the person undergoing the change.

That said, have you tried telling the prescribing psychiatrist that you don't think the medicine works?

Have you tried going to a different psychiatrist for a different perspective/second opinion?

Well i was first started on Luvox for 5omgs i took it for a month but it just didnt do anything so my doctor gave me 100mg and i took for a few weeks but i felt even more agitated and generally pissed off in fact it made me more aggressive and i hurt a friend in the process.

So about 3 months later i was put on Avanza it helped me sleep like a charm other then that it didnt do much. and i took the usual increased dosage all it did was help me sleep. Ive been to 2 different psychologists and i dont usually tell them about my violence i am to ashamed about hitting a girl. She just shouldnt of hit me first she knew i was like this.

There is no cure for aspergers though i can only be treated for depression and the others, its like being in an isolated hell. In fact i dont know if hell will even be worse then what im going through apart from the fire nothing would really bother me. I think i am simply a time bomb that cant be helped and i truly feel sorry for anyone that happens to be in my way.

I was worried most about treatment for the violence. But I didn't realize the girl hit you first when I had posted that. You might have violated the rules of chivalry, but it isn't nearly the same as harming someone who didn't harm you first.



Actually, I might know a solution, though I don't have a precise web link to give you.

There are on-line communities where people with Aspergers talk with each other and give each other support and friendship. I presume they are messageboards something like this one, only with all the posters being Aspies.

I'm not quite sure how to find them (presumably some sort of Google search would work), but I do know that they are out there somewhere because now and then they get covered in a news article. Some Aspies who can't find friendship otherwise have found friends in such groups.


EDIT: The fact that I am pointing you towards other messageboards doesn't mean I'm trying to get you to leave this one. Feel free to participate here too.

The nice thing about messageboards is that you can bookmark more than one and then talk in each one as the mood suits you.

Evil is a certain perspective, just like good. It depends on which spectrum you are on.

You are regretful of your violent outbursts - Then you are NOT psychotic.
You are aware of your moodswings - You are NOT schizophrenic.
You are isolated by design - Get a NON-CYBER social circle.
Stop playing COD and RES EVIL. The images will vanish.
Everyone has issues - stop thinking you are unique.

Live long and prosper...

There seems to be universal agreement on one thing.
Mark Noble said it best:

Easier said than done with some Aspies.

Sure, if it is possible, go for it.

But if it's not possible, lots of Aspies find they can relate to each other online if they can't relate to non-Aspies offline.

I'm going to have to try to look up some of the news pieces covering such websites. I bet I heard it on NPR.

(It's been some years though since I heard them, and I'm close to falling asleep, so I probably won't find anything tonight.)

"Aspies"

That seems derogatory to me...
Is it not?

Mark im 28 ive done all that, im not a kid and i have spoken to other aspies but i dont get along with them. See alot of people arent in my intelligence category so i cant talk to them about creating a UFO or time travel. They would rather watch true blood or twilight and talk about things that dont exist. I like debunking things for instance i know all UFOs are man made so i would like to create my own through electromagnetic technology which is a top secret subject.

I am usually more regretful for the person, sometimes i dont feel much and actually enjoy it. This presence is real one night i heard a bang above my head which woke me up i often have to sleep in my parents house. Sometimes when i get that feeling i have to turn the light on quickly or if i go to sleep i go into a paralyzed state and i cant move. My parents hear my screams of terror though. Something tickles me and grabs my ribs and it actually hurts. When i was younger it happened more and worse in fact i had joint dreams with my brothers in our room we could see black footsteps but never saw what it was.

Ive had a non cyber circle and this is what happened a year ago.
I had a fight with my brothers gf she hit me so i punched her until she was knocked out, i even had feelings of raping her but she jumped out of my car. I acted innocent and the cops couldnt pin me for her bruises because she jumped out of a car i told them i done nothing.

That ended my brothers relationship, another person who tryed to be my friend i slowly turned away and played games with them. And this all comes natural to me i dont premeditate it i just make a persons life hell. The images get worse when i stop playing a game i think more... an autistic psychopath is about 0.1% of the population if thats not unique then what is? do u know another autistic psychopath? i dont even know anyone with aspergers in real life let alone that.

Laws, I work with and around thousands of people daily. I can converse with all of them on point-related topics, but only a handful draw my attention to issues of genuine significance.

Are your parents religious?
The brain can promote the release of natural hallucinogens into your system (for heaps of reasons), especially under stress.

There are NO demons out there buddy - they are only in your mind.

A lot of what you do IS premeditated, because you EXPECT how you react - Alter your 'expectations'

Anti-grav does work, and is secret.
But you are unlikely to be able to obtain the materials, or generate the energy necessary to simulate it - So don't bother trying.

Autism is focal, and rarely variable, but, unless your brain is damaged, it can conquer the refocusing issue with training.

No.
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=aspie
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/dec/04/aspergers-syndrome-autism-spectrum-disorder

Ok.

Then neither is 'downies', 'flids', 'spas'', ?

I have no idea. That is the first I've ever heard any of those terms.

Most influentual people have had aspergers such as Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Marilyn monroe, Bill gates, and many many more. So telling me that it would be unlikely to study electro magnetics would be a bit wrong? i can do whatever i choose if i decide to design a time machine which i already have then i am allowed to.

The materials are the only hard part but they are accesible if i study the right field, i am simply saying its hard to find people that i can converse with for nearly anything because i am not stuck in a box. no no no my mind is far beyond that. My parents are religious like 99% of every other person, i dont go to church or anything and i am a sane person but i hear noises sometimes i am not imagining this it happens, one time i was in my friends house and i saw a black aura on the right side of the roof in hes kitchen i told him and he said there whole family has being seeing it. Im not lieing here ive seen **** and it happens all the dam time i went to a psychic out of frustration and she said my case was serious and i didnt get charged at all its usually like 30$ each session.

Generally aspergers people can be dumb like every other person but i am smart with a large brain, like i said im good at acting and would like to become great.