Yes this is true when im attacked i always hurt the other person alot more then needed, but i do get alot of feelings of just wanting to cause pain to people only because of the loneliness and suffering that i go through.
The girl that i choked slammed i did want to kill her but i stopped myself, on another occasion i punched in a glass window and i was bleeding profusely i just wanted to die at that point. But i heard a voice say'' this is jesus i love you go get help'' and i felt loved for the first time in my life.I cant explain how loved i felt i just felt no pain when he talked none at all. I am not lieing this is what i heard whether it was just my mind or if it really was jesus is up to you guys.
I got 13 stiches and have these big scars on my wrists forever it hasnt taught me much every 6 months i have a recurring episode of violence which usually involves punching my parents walls. i have hit my dad with a cord before and ive hurt my mum by slamming a door on her wrist which broke it. I have no real life friends because people can just sense that im violent, mind you im 6'3 220 pounds and i lift weights occasionally.
Sometimes when i walk up to my room i have dejavu and i see a big guy playing videos games ,sad and lonely. I feel like a shadow and i will eventually walk down a long lonely road its my destiny i think.