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Fri 15 Mar, 2013 08:37 pm
Okay so I don't really know where to start off with this long story, but I'll try my best to explain. I'm a sophomore in high school and there's this guy Justin, who's the schools security monitor/hall monitor, in charge of most of the schools way of punishing people such as ISS(in school suspension) detention, etc,. Anyways I can't really remember how it all started between us(here me out and don't go making accusations, please) but we've been making a lot of communication, non-talking, I guess it's called verbal commutation without words. And a lot of it is actions based. For example, we've made eye contact countless times. Whether its him passing by one of my classrooms(he surely knows all my classes by now) and looking in directly at me and making eye contact, head bobs, you name it. His eye brows have also gone up at me, seems to be completely involuntary. We can't control it. He's smiled at me many times aswell. He's initiated conversation saying things like hey, what's up, and even walking out of the nurse once he was sitting by the schools front desk and had his eyes on me and asked me how's it going. It could be in the hallway, or walking by the front desk when he initiates conversation. There's not always many people around, especially teachers. We pretty much keep this on the dl cause I'm sure neither of us would want to get ourselves into unnecessary trouble. Long story short, he's 25, he's got a son, and I know his younger brother who's a senior in his town, and as well as his cousin. They were even mentioned casually in conversation, his cousin when I asked if they were related, and he brought up his brother.(My two friends live in the same town as him and each of them know his cousin and brother). I will admit, I was completely and totally obsessed with him at one point, thinking he's extremely good looking and attractive. I still think the same as then, but as time as moved on, if you can tell, we've created a friendship, a closeness, and I truly believe there is a connection. He makes me so happy, he's made so many of my days, gotten me through hardships of the days, and just so much more. Never would have gotten so far if it weren't for him. He makes me so happy I even teared up and have cried. He makes me smile and I just feel so blessed to have someone like him in my life. He's so nice and such a good man he deserves the best and working two jobs plus caring for a son is a lot on his plate so I give him lots of credit for that. We seem to be on the same level at things, only times we've held a conversation was in ISS(I've have two so far) but other than that it's been him initiated the talk with me. I'm a pretty quiet girl and usually give off the expression to people that I don't want to talk(people in my grade, can't stand, all so immature, but that's another story). I have very few close friends in school, but other than that Justin I would say is my best friend and I don't ever want to lose him. Graduating high school I hope for him to still be by myself but I have no doubt in that. I have a brother who's a senior so it kind of explains the person I am. Justin and I haven't gotten to that stage yet where I can randomly go over and be like hey or playful and say something like "hey/yo dude" but I understand that takes time. I can be shy and I do have problems with anxiety aswell. Well for the past while, whenever other girls talk to Justin it gets me mad, like really mad I feel like punching them and I get so jealous I want to tell the to back off but wouldn't get the guts to say that anyways. I started ignoring him today I got to the point of being that mad... All because of stupid jealousy. Ridiculous right? He continued to look at me/watch me. Walking by the front desk I could feel him watching me, and going to the nurses same thing aswell. I was even in the schools library today, heard the door open, looked and that teacher had the door open and all of a sudden I see Justin walking by in the hall with his head up looking over at me because he probably noticed my head. That made me smile. It's nice to have someone like that, he's almost like an angel. Keeps me going. But anyways I'd like some advice on how to deal with this. It's really gettting out of control and I don't want to do anything or make a mistake i would regret. Not to mention, walking the halls wih him, side by side or with him directly in front of me, for no matter how long the moment, I feel so confident and practically invisible. It's an indescribable feeling/moment with him.
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
I hope I explained it somewhat well. I'm limited on words and not that great at explaining long stories and getting to the point especially when I'm wiped so I apologize for that but advice would be much appreciated!
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
It could also just be a matter of me being paranoid, VERY annoying, and just overreacting. But whenever I get pissed off and go about ignoring/avoiding him, I always find him back into my path bringing a smile to my face.
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Equestrianforlife7xo wrote: He's initiated conversation saying things like hey, what's up, and even walking out of the nurse once he was sitting by the schools front desk and had his eyes on me and asked me how's it going.
what are your conversations about? how long do they last?
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Equestrianforlife7xo wrote: only times we've held a conversation was in ISS(I've have two so far) but other than that it's been him initiated the talk with me.
wait.
have you had more than two actual conversations?
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Sorry, but I think you are making a whole lot of something out of absolutely nothing.
@ehBeth,
Well other than the times he's said/asked "hey, what's, up, how's it going" those are usually only so many seconds. It's mostly passing by or I the halls so obviously I couldn't stay and converse in conversation, but I walked out of the nurse one day while he had been sitting at the front desk on the computer, he saw me coming that way and was already watching me ahead of time when I went into the nurse(I had been feeling stressed, anxiety, naseuous, etc.,) and as soon as I walked out that's when he had completely stopped what he was doing turned to me and asked "how's it going" I just said "good u" when I was given the chance to stay and chat but didn't and I could have explained to him rather than hiding it up by saying "good". Our much longer conversations have been in ISS. We've talked about my last name, how he thinks it's cool and wanted to know the orgin. We've talked about our jobs and working life. We've talked about everyone in his family having an iPhone while he has a droid, and were both on the same level I how having an iPhone is a trend. He had a video playing on his phone and I asked him what it was and we both got up from our seats because he was going to show me. I really appreciate any moment, no matter how long. Even walking out of the library one day he knew I was there and got out of the ISS room and we got to the point in the hall where we ended up walking side by side until seconds later I had to go into a class, but those seconds were so worth it. I had my second ISS two days ago, very different from the last and just totally confused me. We hardly talked, other than work, but he was talking quite a lot to these two other talkative kids and making eye contact with them, we made very little eye contact. I don't know if it's cause he's trying to keep us on the dl, no clue but it was annoying me. And when I talked I felt like I was saying the wrong things. He had a long hilarious rant about life, his kid, and yeah that kind of stuff. He was talking about his job and I asked him "you have another job?" And he said yeahh. Then I said where do you work? And he said Hess(for those of you that don't know it's a gas station) and even said the location. I think he said his hours, vaguely remember, and I asked him if he got the weekends off. I feel like I can talk to him about almost anything whatever I want to but when there's others in the room especially those two kids, I felt more reserved not wanting to say certain things. When we were all walking the halls he had been complaining about his back and posture and I did bring up that he should ride horses(I ride horses) and it helps your back. That was good because it called for the perfect moment to bring it up.
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Equestrianforlife7xo wrote: Our much longer conversations have been in ISS.
you have had two conversations
Cherrie is probably right.
Sounds like a guy just making random conversation with people he runs into on his job. Most of the professional staff at the school probably doesn't talk to him much - he has to talk to people closer to his level and that is the students.
Why are you getting jealous? because you're interested in him and he's talking to anyone around him.
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Specific girls in the hallway, will look at him and say hi or smile, he doesn't early say anything, but with me, I never say anything other than look at him, he initiates it allll the time which is what makes me feel so special. Maybe that's why I get so upset over these little things and take it out of proportion.
@ehBeth,
No, he only talks to guys really, the seniors, he will be like hey to them. And I'm like the only girl he will do that too. I've seen it I've witnessed it, been walking behind him, near him plenty of times and they are quiet and will say something he hardly even pays attention but never initiates conversation. I've told my friend who's a senior and she's like wow because that's something he doesn't go saying/doing to anyone else.
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Your thread title and your other posts say he is talking to other girls.
Now you're saying he's not really talking to other girls.
I think one of those two things is incorrect.
@ehBeth,
I'm sorry, I have a language-based learning disability. He DOES talk to other girls, but only because they are the ones coming over/going over to him to talk and are the ones doing the initiating of conversation. Difference is I never do, even when I try to ignore cause I get pissed off I still find him crossing or coming into my path. Get it?
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Sorry dear, but you have been told on your other thread: This guy is just being friendly and you should expect him to be friendly with other people because THAT'S HIS JOB!!!
This "love affair" is in YOUR head only and he has not said or done anything more to encourage you other than give you looks, which you put feelings on.
PS - He works at a gas station and has a part-time hall monitor job? Is this going to be his "career"? Is he going to school or trying to advance himself in any other way?
This is all fantasy and you will outgrow this dude in a year, believe me.
@PUNKEY,
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT. DON'T GO JUDGING OR CRITICIZING THIS MANS LIFE. You know absolutely NOTHING about it, you're just a stranger. I now so much, what he goes through, his hardships, of course I am not explaining it on here publicly. Just not right.
@PUNKEY,
FYI, he has his MA and aswell as BA. He's finished college way back at Worcester university. Single parent taking care of a son and only trying to be a better man is all he wants. Stop criticizing when you know absolutely nothing. I obviously can't go writing a whole novel on here about his life/what he goes through and what I know.
@PUNKEY,
And sweetie, there's nothing to outgrow about this guy. We have a friendship and it's just going to continue on and grow over the next few years and then I will be out of highschool hanging out with my best friend.
@PUNKEY,
Basically, you don't know this mans life story so you have absolutely no right to go making accusations.
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
I get that you've got a crush on him, he's nice to you and other students.
I think it's nice that there is something that makes you happy about going to school.
I hope that he will be available to develop a friendship with you when you are older as that seems like it would make you happy.
I'm not optimistic that this is how it's going to work out.
I've re-read some of your other threads and noticed that you've had difficulties understanding social cues. This isn't easy for you.
Good luck.
and ... as I said earlier ... you're getting jealous because you hope this is someone you could someday have a relationship with.
Try to remember that part of his job is to be courteous and polite to students.
He could get fired for anything more.
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Equestrianforlife7xo wrote: We have a friendship
you don't have a friendship yet.
I'm not saying that there might not be one in a few years but right now it's not a friendship.
Good luck.
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